Monday, August 4, 2008

A lesson in self- ambivalence

My boobs are sore, I'm retaining water, my skin is crawling, and I can't inhale enough chocolate. It's that time again, kids. That's right. Time for me to get all introspective and self- doubting on your asses. I know what you're thinking. Has it already been a month? Time flies when I'm spilling my guts.

The randomness and anxiety has not yet subsided, so please accept my apologies. I'm grateful if you keep returning. My recent posts have bored the fuck daylights out of me and I, personally would not have returned. However, if you're new- I don't always suck!

Since I have been a bit unguided in my composing lately, I decided that it was important to browse, surf, lurk, and stalk some blogs. Get some inspiration. Learn some new things. Meet some new people.

Holy crap- there's a lot out there! Holy crap- they're all so amazing! Holy crap- I suck so bad! My plan of getting recharged really backfired on me. Shit!

The blogosphere is such a vast place. So many friggin' genius little fish in a big sea. A few sharks, too. What makes those sharks who they are? Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be a shark, but I do want to be a respectable little fish that puts out quality decent grammatically correct material.

Let's face it. I'm not an over-achiever. I just want to put out something I can be proud of... I'm laughing in my head because I just typed that 'I just want to put out'- aaah memories of college. But I digress- does that irk anyone that I just said that? It's kind of like saying 'nonetheless' or 'that goes without saying'- then why did you say it??? But I seriously did digress... where was I?

Oh yeah, 'putting out'... (giggle, giggle- God, this could be a vicious cycle)... so I want to write something I'm proud of, dammit- and, truth is, I haven't been. I mean, I have been with some of the stuff I have written, but not lately. And I'm thinking that I'm pretty spot on because my Google Analytics told me so.

So, it didn't say outright 'you suck' in so many words. It just explained to me that half the people read me yesterday than did last week- which coming from a smarty pants, like my computer, I take it as, 'you suck!'

So, what is it about me? I know I use the word 'So' to start too many sentences. I do it when I speak, too. Is that the problem? Am I too honest? Do I curse too much? What is it about me that sucks? Why am I all so needy and shit? (There I go again.)

What about this layout? It does indeed bore me, but I'm still thoroughly clueless as to how to change it. Does that really make a difference? I see many people pimping their blogs and it's pretty and all, but I, as a reader, really don't care. It's what's inside that counts and that corny kind of crap, right?

I know I'm not supposed to care and I'm great the way I am, 'just be yourself'.. yada, yada, yada... but I am currently in the midst of a little identity crisis, so bear with me, won't you?

Mom blog, 30-something blog, woman blog, humor blog, complaining about a puppy like a broken record blog, who am I? I'm not a 'giveaway' kind of gal. I'm certainly not a photographer. What suits me best? Who's my 'target' audience? Do I have an audience? Am I even close to hitting them? I don't really know?

I am a mom. I am 30-something. I am a woman. That is all true. However, I have never considered myself a profound thinker or particularly funny. So where does that leave me? I am continually wondering what, if any, is my place out here, what's my niche? Do I even need a niche?

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Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

I feel the same way. I have been in a funk the last few days and have not blogged and am starting to feel like a blog failure :( I read so many blogs including yours that are funny, witty and kick ass and then there's my little old blah blog! Pass the chocolate......

Jill said...

Don't go changin'... to try to please me... (or anyone else for that matter!)

I keep coming back because you crack me up. I enjoy your writing - and your photos. And the fact that your family doesn't know you blog. How the heck do you keep it from them?

PiaG said...

oh, I know all about bloggers block!

Just keep doing what you do. Don't try and explain it or try and fit it into a box. It is what it is and that's why we love you!

Keep going hte way you are!

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

I think you are in the catagory of "hey she's just like me".

I think if you write whats on your mind...what's working/not working for will find your groove...but it's nice to know that there are some normal, no bling, kind of gals out there...just like me!

Deb said...


I love your blog. I'm here everyday. Your posts are so funny and interesting. I think blog block is normal and happens to the best (like you) and worst (like me) of us.

Plus, a lot of people are away this time of year, and probably aren't online, so I imagine your numbers will pick up.

By the way, I always giggle at phrases such as "I want to put out", and about a million other ones as well.

Keep it coming! (there's another funny phrase) You're great. By the way, how is the slutty van?


P.S. Thanks for visiting me daily :)

Mike Marshall said...

What's a freaking demographic anyway. I surely don't fit whatever yours is.......but obviously I find what you have to say entertaining and interesting. No you don't curse too much......I really don't understand people who don't. Peace, Mike.

Myssie said...

Tena-I think that you are a freaking hoot! I visit you everyday! I think that we all get bloggers block, heck I haven't posted anything on my blog for about a week because I have nothing to say! Oh well. Keep up the good writing!!

wornoutwoman said...

I feel the same way too. You do have a niche...your honest and you have wit! ;)

C said...

I agree with a lot of others have said--you don't need a niche, you have one already. The reason that I like reading your blog is because you're real, you're honest, down-to-earth--all the things that make me wish we lived next door to eachother so we could hang out. I can't speak for everyone else, but that's mostly what attracts me to read what I read. I want to read about somebody who in some ways seems 'just like me' (like Dawn said.)

Don't worry about the lower numbers this week--I think it's a trend (I had fewr readers this week too and I've heard from others the same thing--I think people are busy with vacations, back to school, etc.)

Anyway, I love you just the way you are! Don't change anything! :)

Anonymous said...

personally, my fav are the rambling blogs like this one. I love the introspective into your brain. Don't go digging around, the way people write will kill your self esteem.

Tiffany said...

I love your blog because you are REAL. You're not some hoity toity person who tries to put on a fake life. You're just you. And you're funny and I love that you cuss about as much as me. And what the fuck is up about using "so" as the beginning of a sentence? I do the same thing ALL THE TIME. And I like that I can be me around you. I mean who else can I say fuck to? LOL And who else would call me a pussy when I was sick. I laughed my ass off at that comment. SSOOO I think you are great and just keep doing what you're doing. If you don't I'll just call you a big ole pussy. LMAO And I SOO wish I had your e-mail to send back smart ass comments to your smart ass comments. LOL

jill jill bo bill said...

We are one accord here---WE LOVE YOU!!! I am with C on living next door to each other...

I think we need to form a blog gang.

jill jill bo bill said...

BTW- you are gay.

maggie said...

Haha, yep, I totally get you in this post, even if I'm brand spanking new and came by to check you out (er, not quite as that sounds) after your comment over on my blog, kind of similar but different it sounds like to what's going on over here. Coolness. I'll be back. :)

Manic Mom said...

Girlfriend, I Love you so you have to be Great!!! You Rock Tena!!!!!
My numbers went down too this week, WTH!!! But, I'm still going to be me & you need to still be You. Rock on Tena!!

BusyDad said...

First time visitor here, so I'm starting blank slate with you. Whatever you do from here will be new to me :) (Just catching up with all the nice folks who wished me happy birthday over at Mr Ladys place! and thanks for dropping by my place the other day too).

Ann said...

Tena I completely understand.
When I see other peoples numbers I get so frustrated, sad.
Then I ask myself 'Why am I doing this? What is the purpose?' and that kind of gets me back on track.
This blogesphere is HUGE!
Just keep doing what you're doin'. Just be yourself and only show us your true self.
We're out here for you!

Mrs4444 said...

You should have read enough validation here already, but just in case, "I love you just the way you are..." Just be you and don't worry about it. If you like your background, keep it. And BTW, I take an herbal that has totally fixed PMS for me. email me if you're interested in finding out about it.

Beth (A Mom's Life) said...

Just be you. Write about things you want to write about. Once you start writing to try to please someone else, then you won't be happy.

Jenny said...

right there with you. sometimes I feel i have nothing great to blog about. seeing as i have a 6 month old that reaches milestones but has yet to do anything totally funny to post about.
if you want to spice up your blog..go for it!
nice to meet you by the way!

Chelle said...

I love your blog. But I feel the same way. I am a stay at home mom to a 10 month old. Not a lot of room for anything funny to happen!

Your blog always makes me laugh. I love the "bad words" and I love how you make something funny out of a couple of words like put out...I was laughing my little (big??) ass off over here with those words :)

Carol said...

Having just watched Bridget Jones I will quote Mr Mark Darcy.

I like you just as you are.

Happy POW...again!

Patrice said...

I complete understand what you're saying! I feel the same way a lot of times. I say just be yourself and we will come back if we want, if not, who needs them?!
I'm new here, so I read over the rest of your blog & I have to say you're crazy for not thinking you're funny! You're hilarious! I am definitely coming back.. so you have 1 more reader now! haha I do what I can to help...!