And it wasn't my fault!

Alrighty, so I'm walking this fine line between nervous breakdown and trying to hold it together and pretend nothing's wrong and, frankly, not doing so well.

I ventured out of my cocoon and posted yesterday and, boy, am I glad I did. I received lots of encouraging words, a few votes for Xanax, a handful for Zoloft, and even a few personal e-mails so I can get even closer to infiltrating your real lives (insert evil laughter, what is it Mwahahahaha?). I'm not against meds, actually very pro meds, but getting to a doc will be another issue, maybe this post will generate comments with tips for black market meds.

There is a point, so back to it... I'm treading the 'I'm about to cry 'cause my life is really sucky and nothing seems to be going right' place along side with the 'I have four kids that are counting on me to pull my shit together' place, or as I call it, my Sybil place. I am fighting every urge to go rock in a corner in a fetal position. It's been going on for a few weeks, but I pulled it together to get school shopping done a few weeks ago.

The previous years' report card gets sent home with the list for the next years' school supplies for the appropriate grades. I had an 8th, 4th, and 2nd grader.

I gathered my lists. I woke up at 5:30AM and went to the 24 hour Walmart Supercenter on our 'tax free' weekend. I followed the lists meticulously. It took 3 hours and $300, but I got every supply listed. I labeled everything with their names and loaded up the backpacks.

Today, when I picked them up from school, my 7 year old, my sweet, everything rolls off her back dear child, tells me that she needs a red folder. Gee, that's odd that I forgot to send you with a red folder if it was on your list, but I'm only human, so OK, I'll take that. (My alter ego that talks to myself in my head for purposes of this story is June Cleaver and very agreeable, I know, just imagine if you will, dammit!)

As we drive home she mentions that she also needs an 'Assignment Notebook'- a specialty item that is only available through the school(this means that it is a .25 notebook that the school gives a fancy name and charges me $3.50!) No fucking way did I forget that if it was on your list because I had to buy the same overpriced notebook for the older kids- something is royally screwed up! June Cleaver is morphing into Joan Jett- thus the Sybil place.

I also remember her talking to her sister and said something about how the kids wondered why she had so many glue sticks...

Tonight I decided to pull out that list because I KNEW I didn't see 'Assignment Notebook'! IT'S THE 1ST GRADE LIST- SHE'S GOING INTO 2ND GRADE!!! I sent 12 glue sticks, she needed 6! Pretty much, not one thing is right!!!

I'm so spent at this point that I started laughing hysterically because I'm imagining these teachers imagining me walking around Walmart popping Zoloft and smoking crack, me and Amy Winehouse. Then, I start imagining Laynie, my sweet innocent amazing daughter proudly pulling out of her backpack all the WRONG supplies and I start crying because I see the kids laughing at her and thinking her mom and her friend Amy can't read a freakin' supply list! But then some of the kids like Amy's song 'Rehab', so they cut Laynie some slack, and I start laughing again. But then I think Laynie is absolutely oblivious to this blunder and was so sweet how she gently mentioned the 'few' items that I 'missed' on her list and I start crying.

Now, it's the UGLY cry- laugh, cry, laugh, cry- TOTALLY SYBIL! Shit is coming out my nose. Snorty noises that shouldn't be coming out of a human, but at this point I'm questioning that label, too!