Me and the kids were invited to a pool party to welcome a new student and parent that just came to the school. Is it just me or would you rather stick hot pokers in your eye than hold a "meet and greet" in you swimsuit?
My kids were looking forward to it and I thought I'd be a good sport. About an hour before we left, I decided I would go get ready- this was going to take some time. If you don't know about the school that my kids go to I will paraphrase: very large strict Catholic school, with many wealthy families and a few middle class schmucks (me) thrown in for good measure.
I wanted to try and make a good impression. So, I hiked up my leg onto the toilet. Yep, time for the big guns- I was going to shave my legs!
As I'm shaving my legs, I realize my toes are a dead giveaway to my 'poor white trash' status that I'm trying to conceal. I got a pedicure back in April. The remanants of hooker red toenail polish did not leave the impression I was going for.
So, as I'm freshening up my toenails, I notice a shaving knick on the back of my ankle- crap- I tried to be so careful! Grab a little corner of toilet paper and dab it on there and hope the bleeding stops. I made a mental note to self: DO NOT FORGET THAT YOU HAVE A BLOODY PIECE OF TOILET PAPER STUCK TO YOUR ANKLE!!!
Next, the face. I take a close look in the mirror and notice yet another hygenic concern that I had become neglectful of... I have a mustache- OK? ARE YOU HAPPY, NOW? Facial hair sounds so much better, but no matter how you put it, it's humiliating! So I pull out my Nair and spread it on my upper lip. Beebs walks in and says I look like "Grampa"(my dad has a white mustache)- thanks dear- way to boost mommy's self esteem.
Wipe off the Nair- that stuff smells like shit- seriously, shit- kind of permy shit, but shit! It is one of the few things that I like to do in "private" and NEVER FAIL- my husband walks in the bathroom afterwards and thinks I took a dump! I just let him live in his little fantasy world and never tell him the truth.
I'm now fresh faced and
On a serious note, the moms couldn't have been nicer and I didn't feel completely like an outsider. So yeah, me!