Monday, August 18, 2008

Trying my best...

Depression really sucks. I can't seem to shake it. I feel like I'm drowning and can't catch up with anything. A lot of tears have been uncontrollably taking me over and getting the best of me.

Our finances are strained and nothing seems to be giving us a break. The water heater busted yesterday and flooded the basement.

My husband thought he was "dying and needed to go to the hospital because he had indigestion" and that is absolutely a quote from 3AM. I said, "take tums, you pussy," I am not compassionate at 3AM. He said he took aspirin and it made it worse. Who the hell takes aspirin for indigestion? My idiot husband does! He then decided he would lay in the shower (small shower, large man, door NOT completely closed) to relieve his indigestion(WTF, right?). I woke up to a leaky kitchen ceiling (directly underneath said small shower.) If only the roof would give out and start flooding the upstairs, we'd be living a freaking Waterworld!

And to top everything off, 'The Mother of the Year' goes to.... NOT ME! Beebs yelled "Fuck it" today. Yes, I know where she got it from and yes, I know I suck and yes, I cried, I cried really hard adding more moisture to this flipping house (notice the word 'flipping'- I am soooo trying!!!!) I am officially being tapped by DFS (that's Department of Family Services for you do-gooders out there), if not yet, then very, very soon. I am the worst mother in the world, totally broke, completely in compassionate to my big fat baby husband's tummy ache!

So, there, you were all curious what's been getting me down... and that's just the tip of the iceberg, but hopefully you get the idea. I'm trying to cope, really I am. I hope to veer past this nervous breakdown that is coming my way and shake this, but until then, I hope you can laugh a little at my pain.



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18 comments:

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

Aw Girl, Hang in there. When it rains it pours (literally) in your house I guess. Just remember this too shall pass although when stuck in the moment it seems like eternity.

Sorry Beebs said "Fuck It", but that did make me LOL.

We all have our moments and believe I am not Mother of the Year either.

Steph said...

I'm sorry you're feeling so yucky...I've been where you are lots of times! Zoloft is now my new best friend! don't let it go on too long...you're too important!!

zeghsy said...

i work on getting 'worst or meanest mommy in the world'. it does wonders for my ego. keep trying. you aren't losing your mind. you're raising 4 kids!

The Mom said...

I'm so sorry you're depressed...I know very well how you feel and it does suck. You have so much going on that justifies the funk but I know that when you're down deep it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Unless an Alien pops out of hubby's stomach I would just ignore him (me trying to be funny).

I wish I were close to you to lend a hand (albeit the blind leading the blind), please keep blogging, maybe it helps to know you are loved and supported in cyberspace!!

Deb said...

Tena,

I'm right there with you...been dealing with my own stuff for over a year now...I should have been dealing with it many years prior, but didn't. It is a horrible feeling.

If you want to talk, feel free to email me off-blog anytime. My email address is kerrdeb@comcast.net

Take care!

Deb

Drowsey Monkey said...

I was in a very serious depression for about 5 years ... it put a hault to my entire life. Talking with a therapist helped, well saved my life. Cognitive therapy is the best if you're thinking about it.

Okay..your husband sounds like a lot of husbands ... kinda dumb, lol. Asprin hurts your tummy! LOL He deserves the belly ache. LOL

jill jill bo bill said...

I will echo the words of the wise because, dammit, you ARE oh so funny! It's hard when people depend on you to make THEM laugh when you want to eat glass and tell them to stick it up their ass. I know- I have been there. I, like Jen, wish we lived closer so I could help or at least watch you clean your house and applaud and hold up signs that say "You are #1!" Seriously, Xanax is my best friend at times and it is so okay to get a little pharmaseudical help now and then.
About the mother of the year award, sorry it's mine. Mine is so bad I can't blog about it. After you email Deb, Email me and I will share it with you, but you will probably never speak to me again. jillkordsmeier@yahoo.com.
I really love you, girl and I wish I was there to at least make you laugh.

Tena said...

Hang in there Tena! It will get better.
Zoloft and an occasional Xanax works wonders over here!
{{{{{{ gentle hugs }}}}}
Tomorrow is a new day, hoping it is better!

Tiffany said...

Aww I'm sorry. Things really get shitty for everybody now and then. It will get better. Just keep hanging in there. And my son got a note sent home cuz he keeps saying oh my god. And beebs is still little so you can correct your shitty parenting. Just joking but I'll bet she sure was cute when she said it.

Lipstick said...

So sorry for the depression. You are so loved out here in blogland and even though I know you were feeling pretty crappy when you wrote this, you made me LOL with the aspirin part.

Oh yeah, we went through a "fuck" phase too. Now we just say shit.

HappyHourSue said...

One fifth of commenters are recommending Xanax, and I agree so that makes (um....carry the three.....) close to one third. And one vote for Zoloft. Wine helps too.

Seriously tho' - I hate that youre depressed. Your husband's Heartburn is obviously from stress. I take Valium for my heartburn.

We're having financial stress too and my husband's company is straining and I have been totally snapping at the kids and acting like an annoyed big sister instead of their mother because they're interfering with my blog time when I should be paying attention to them.

I think so many of us are going through hard times right now - we just have to thank God for our kids health and our health and this beautiful (SHORT) time that they're little.

So to review:
Me too...and
Drugs.

Patrice said...

I admire your honesty! I'm really sorry things aren't going well, and I certainly hope they get better soon! Don't worry about Beebs saying "Fuck it" She'll probably forget it eventually and I heard my parents cuss a lot when I was younger, so you're not the only one! Hang in there!

Jill said...

I always figure that when my kids use swear words it at least shows me that they're listening... for once!

They've never said fuck... though I'm really surprised, because it's one of the words I"m using most often these days... I guess that just proves they're not paying a lick of attention. Now I'm crying too.

As everyone before me has already said... keep writing, keep venting, keep laughing. We're here - and you can't get rid of us (at least me) that easily!

Now if you call me short.. well... then we have a problem!

Myssie said...

Hey Tena-
I am sorry that you are having a hard time, I have been there too. Life just stinks sometimes, but there is always tomorrow. No one is a perfect parent, but we all have to just do our best and hope that our kids will not have to go to therapy later! LOL

As far as the finances, I been there too. The best thing that I have ever done is read the book "Total Money Makeover" by Dave Ramsey. It really saved our marriage and it has helped us to get out of debt and live within our means.

If you have any questions or need any help just let me know. You can email me at
myssie95[at]hotmail[dot]com

Take care and keep venting
Myssie

Queen-Size funny bone said...

Okay first of all did she use it correctly in a sentence? And everyone is depressed these days and if their not they should be. I definitely recommend a pill or two. Have you checked to see if it is maybe a hormonal thing? As for me I'm just crazy living with a bunch of crazies which make me even more crazy. If my life was not so pathetic it would be funny and thats why we all have to make fun of the things that cause us pain. Its called coping and surviving. p.s. I'll trade husbands with you.

Manic Mom said...

This is so not funny. I swear I am not laughing, not one single HA HA HA HA
I'm sorry you are having cousin depressin over. Girl, I take all kinds of shit over here that just washes Big Cousin D out!!!
ut, your husband on the other hand, God help him. He's gonna think he's having a heart attack when you open up a can of whoop as on him. Tell him to simmer down and grab some mylanta!

Mrs4444 said...

Hang in there, GF! I hope it's better today...

Marla said...

i'm hoping that by now you are feeling a bit better... remember... it's all about the stories... and you have plenty by the looks of it.