Dear Mrs. Robin,
Please accept my apology for the need to dismantle and relocate the home that you so lovingly assembled in the gutter outside of my bedroom window.
I must say, I will not miss being woken up by you and your babies at the crack of dawn each and every morning. The ants that must enjoy congregating near your nest have found their way into my bedroom and I have fumigated my bedroom and really pissed of my husband with the fumes, so thanks for that!
It only took my dad and I 3 hours of power washing to remove your waste from my windows, the side of my house, and my patio. When one of your youngin's pooped on my daughter's friend's hot dog today, I'm afraid that was the last straw.
I struggled with the decision to relocate your residence since it was located 30 feet off of the ground and I ,not a bird like yourself, am deathly afraid of heights, ineveitably you left me with no choice. Since it has been raining here for three months, and you have blocked the flow of water out of my gutter, I have been having some water issues in my house- I won't attemp to procure the funds for restituion, as I feel you will not be good for it.
My condolences to you regarding any casualties that may have occured during the relocation. I hope you enjoy your new home in my neighbor's yard (he never cuts or cares for his lawn). You should be quite happy there!