Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Day off from Blogging

Purchasing my sexy minivan (some might consider that an oxymoron, not me!) was not the only thing that occupied our day during my "day off from blogging". Sure, much of our day was spent in a car dealership talking to smarmy car salesmen while my four kids terrorized the place. Under normal circumstances, this fact alone would have made me want to poke screwdrivers into my eyes. However, I can do you one better!

That morning, I received a phone call from my husband's brother whose pregnant wife was unexpectedly having labor induced 2 weeks early. The sitter(they have 2 other kids) that they had lined up for the event were in Las Vegas and they were in a bind.

To understand completely, you must know that my husband's family is, well, a bunch of freaks. They aren't close. They get together at their mom's for a meal on Easter and Christmas- that's all. It's not geography, I think they just don't like each other. They certainly aren't how I know brother and sister relationships to be.

For our wedding, I asked the sisters to be in it, as a nice sisterly gesture. One reluctantly agreed and one refused, why, I never! The first few years of kids' birthday parties, they were all always invited and would never come. I finally realized what my husband knew all along, that I drew the short straw and got stuck with the world's most dysfunctional, misfit, mutant family as in-laws. If my kids were to see them in a line-up, they probably wouldn't be able to pick them out!

When I married into a family, I anticipated a closeness. I imagined that his sisters and I would talk on the phone and shop together and once they'd have kids, the cousins could all play together. That he would have his brothers over for poker while the in -law daughters shoot the shit. This was the type of family I grew up in. This is not theirs- I now know that, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.

On to my story, so this guy is asking me to watch his kids, that we don't know well, at all, and take them for a couple of days. I didn't hesitate for a second, but I'm secretly thinking that I have to prove what an asset I am to the family and what fools they are to not want to be "close" to us. (Notice the people pleasing despair.) I plan on pulling out all the stops including my faux Supermom powers. I meet them at the hospital and pick up the kids and bring them with me.

Now, back to the dealership, if you're keeping track, it's the smarmy salesman and 6 kids terrorizing the place. After 2 hours, we've had enough torture and we have to go home and "crunch the numbers"- that is, see how much further we want to get into debt so I can drive a sexy minivan!

Once we got home, I missed the square footage of the dealership. It was cute watching the kids trying to force the 2 ton vehicles out of gear while pretending to drive. The way the cars doubled as jungle gyms and the receptionist and other customers were tormented by the kid's screaming- aaah good times!. My husband had left for work and I was left to my own devices- seriously, did you think he was helping me when he was there?

The running, jumping, screaming, crying, arguing was getting to me. Supermom was about to lose it- she held on as long as she could. Tena, the bitchy mom appeared. I made them clean up messes, take naps, eat the food they asked for and stop slamming doors. I yelled until things settled down and my house was orderly again- I could see the fear in the new girls' (well, hell, I guess they're my nieces) faces. I can just see it- mommy, mommy, she was so mean, she made us eat and clean and she yelled, oh my god, she yelled!

So far, not doing so well trying leave a good impression for the in-laws with my parenting. After naps, another situation. My Beebs woke up crying with a fever! GREAT! I take these kids in and send them back home with a fragile newborn to infest with my kids' febrile microorganisms! Yah, no guilt there!

I am attempting to deny that there was anything wrong and I will lie in a court of law if accused of anything otherwise! I dosed Beebs up with some Ibuprofen and we were on our merry way- Supermom cape back on. Brought my son to his baseball practice, let the kids eat at a burger joint, then to a playground, and ice cream on the way home. We got word that their mom had been brought in for an emergency Cesarean, so we made "get well" and "welcome baby" cards until bedtime. I managed to bathe every single filthy little body and got them to bed and they actually SLEPT!

What I learned in my day off from blogging: I learned that we have another niece that we will probably never know. I learned I was able to mess up a couple more kids, if only for 48 hours. I learned that I have my own kids trained quite well. I learned that if Supermom ever wants to show her face here again, I will have to work a nap into her schedule.


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9 comments:

Terri said...

hehe. Luckily even though my hubs divorced parents are of the "dysfunctional freaky side", his three sisters are awesome. You probably say this about your hubs as I say about mine and his sisters - DESPITE the parents, they turned out okay and we benefit from them living close, as a result I get lots of time with my nieces and nephews. Good luck with supermom - she's very elusive.

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

That's funny...I have the SAME family of in laws...LOL. Of course I don't have a sexy minivan...

Never never never think that you will make a good impression on them. It's not worth it...I would have taken them to Grandmas house as soon as mine got the fever...

I thought the same thing about my DH sister...especially since I didn't grow up with any...but I was WRONG!!

LunaNik said...

My husband's family has a very strange dynamic. They all talk shit about each other and spread nasty rumors. They get angry at each other a lot and don't speak for months. Then, at the next family function, they laugh and hug and chat like nothing happened. The minute the function is over, the cycle starts over. Effing weird.

C said...

Believe me, you are not the only one who has less-than-stellar in-laws! I've spent a lot of time being disappointed about how I hoped my husband's parents would be (especially when we had kids)...it's those damned expectations, again!

I for one am impressed though, at your super mom skills! I don't know if I would've been able to handle 6 kids...at least not w/o a certain amount of alcohol!
~Christy

Kadi said...

Hmmm... all my van says is "I like sex and hate birth control."
Congrats on the new, sexy ride!

IRISHKAT said...

Hey I think I may have you beat. My MIL hears voices in her car and thinks her neighbor has heat sensing cameras set up in every room of her house! Yeah, my kids don't see her much....

Deb said...

If we see the new van rockin', should we not come knockin'?

Congrats on the sexy ride. Ferraris have nothing on your new wheels.

Faerie Mom said...

Yay sexy van! As for Supermom? She visits here and runs away screaming. LOL

Ann said...

I am so happy that the family I married into lives oh-so-far-away.
(I've never said that to my hubby though.)