Thursday, May 22, 2008

I belong on the other side of the tracks!

Just got home from "Spirit Day" at my kids' school. It is a parade followed by a day of carnival type games, snow cones, and pure unadulterated (for grade schoolers, anyway) bliss! It's a cute concept and it usually goes off without a hitch. Today, however, it rained- but the show must go on and so it did. The kids still had just as much fun as they always do, but me, still feeling like a fish out of water in this community, struggled to feel comfortable. Below is a list of guidelines that I have learned since moving to this town and school- not official, but it should be:

1.) You must plan on 30 minute drive to ANYWHERE.

2.) There are few stay at home moms and the ones that are here are so stinking filthy rich that you will not have anything in common with them, thus have no bonding experiences.

3.) Be expected to contribute time and money on a weekly basis.

4.)You must drive a gas guzzling vehilce that retails over $50,000 unless you are particularily trendy and eco-chic and you opt for the earth friendly Mercedes Smartcar- that you can only fit one child into.

5.) You must be dudded in the finest name brands including but not limited to clothing, shoes, and handbags. You must have styled hair with fresh highlights, and makeup. Sweats will not be permitted.

6.) If you don't live in at least a $1million home- don't tell anyone- they won't know where your home is anyway.

7.) Be prepared to spend too much money on your childrens' activities.

8.) Be prepared to fork out a minimum of $12,000 a year tuition for child's high school.

9.) Be in the best bikini wearing shape at all times.

10.) Breast implants- not mandatory, but preferred.

11.) If you do not meet the above requirements, don't expect a soul to notice or speak to you. Welcome to the community!

Ok, so maybe I'm being a little dramatic, but you get the idea. I'm totally out of my league and yeah, I'm bitter about it. I hate to drive everywhere. I am a stay at home mom who would love someone to talk to, but half the time I would talk about our money problems- what's the use? I will contribute as much time as I can with a 3 year old attached to my leg and money... let me know when you find some and have them donate it to me! We drive a 7 year old Chrysler minivan- it is filthy- inside and out- has dings and the windshield wiper is broken and is scratching the windshield so I can't even see out without leaning to my right! I'm not a fashionista- I'd like to be, but can't afford it- they don't have to worry about sweats, usually I just wear my jammies!

So there you hoitie toities- take that- I will send my kids to your school and live in your community even though I clearly don't fit in and hell, maybe I don't belong there. But, apparently, you're all afraid to talk to me so it's not like anyone's going to ask me to leave!

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The Mom said...

I think you're exactly my kind of friend. I'm sorry you feel *hugs*

Gettysburg Mom said...

hey- if they don't know how wonderful it is to wear squishy pants and no make-up, it's their loss. and if it makes you feel better, they're all probably about to lose their homes because they got interest only loans to pay for them... and have maxed out their credit cards on sixteen coach bags. They'll be stylish bag women though! Hang in there. Moves are tough and it'll get easier.

Sogeshirtsguy said...

You don't want to be like those desperate housewives anyway. Let them have their lame cliques.

Faerie Mom said...

One thing I learned over the past few years is that while I may feel like they are looking down at me.... usually it is more a matter of them not knowing what to say, etc. Everyone has their own issues and no one is perfect. But... I know how you feel!

Crazed Mom said...

Hahahaha. Do you live in Irvine California by any chance? Hehe. I did when my first son was born. We had one car, 1971 chevelle malibu, I did not own an aprica stroller(the horror), I refused to dress up for most things), I thought most folks were their possessions. Not me. I did not fit into Irvine or upper middle class burb anywhere. I suck at being pretentious. I have a hard time not showing contempt for blonde barbie trophy wives yaddayaddayadda.