1.) You must plan on 30 minute drive to ANYWHERE.
2.) There are few stay at home moms and the ones that are here are so stinking filthy rich that you will not have anything in common with them, thus have no bonding experiences.
3.) Be expected to contribute time and money on a weekly basis.
4.)You must drive a gas guzzling vehilce that retails over $50,000 unless you are particularily trendy and eco-chic and you opt for the earth friendly Mercedes Smartcar- that you can only fit one child into.
5.) You must be dudded in the finest name brands including but not limited to clothing, shoes, and handbags. You must have styled hair with fresh highlights, and makeup. Sweats will not be permitted.
6.) If you don't live in at least a $1million home- don't tell anyone- they won't know where your home is anyway.
7.) Be prepared to spend too much money on your childrens' activities.
8.) Be prepared to fork out a minimum of $12,000 a year tuition for child's high school.
9.) Be in the best bikini wearing shape at all times.
10.) Breast implants- not mandatory, but preferred.
11.) If you do not meet the above requirements, don't expect a soul to notice or speak to you. Welcome to the community!
Ok, so maybe I'm being a little dramatic, but you get the idea. I'm totally out of my league and yeah, I'm bitter about it. I hate to drive everywhere. I am a stay at home mom who would love someone to talk to, but half the time I would talk about our money problems- what's the use? I will contribute as much time as I can with a 3 year old attached to my leg and money... let me know when you find some and have them donate it to me! We drive a 7 year old Chrysler minivan- it is filthy- inside and out- has dings and the windshield wiper is broken and is scratching the windshield so I can't even see out without leaning to my right! I'm not a fashionista- I'd like to be, but can't afford it- they don't have to worry about sweats, usually I just wear my jammies!
So there you hoitie toities- take that- I will send my kids to your school and live in your community even though I clearly don't fit in and hell, maybe I don't belong there. But, apparently, you're all afraid to talk to me so it's not like anyone's going to ask me to leave!