As if that weren't enough to bring a girl down, I am officially on a "starving my ass off so I don't feel too uncomfortable on the beach" cleanse or simply put, a diet. So, I am a bitch on wheels until I get over the withdrawal phase from simple carbs and chocolate or simply put, don't fuck with me.
To balance out my nerves a little, I am working out hard and loving the feel of not being able to lift my arms- no pain, no gain, right!
With the stress of real life kicking my ass, I decided to let Google Analytics provide some comic relief for me (and you) today.
However, Blogger had a different plan in mind and didn't care to heed my bitch warning and went and ate the entire fucking post that I had written and it's gone!
So, in short, I'm having a bad day and you can blame Blogger for me not having a witty post today! Here is the gist of the results of my most recent Google searches...
1.)"Is it my fault my son struggles in school?"
My son does struggle in school, yes. He is currently flunking Science. I have eluded to his academic struggles before, but not that I thought it was my fault, thanks for the vote of confidence, Google Analytics!
So 3 people have been directed to my blog for this problem. This is where I would hope to see a bounce rate of 100% (no, she's a good mom that works diligently with her son and it's not her fault, she can't help me) Um. No. I am apparently the "go to" gal on the subject. They stayed for 8 minutes and read 11 pages of my faulty parenting!
2.) "It's hard out there for a pimp to clean."
Yes, I suppose it is. You're busy taking all those calls from Johns and finding the perfect lady to 'hook them up' for the night. A pimp's work is never done- why don't you just hire a maid?
3.) Mom's dirty thoughts
I have never divulged into my dirty thoughts! I guess they were intrigued by my profanity? They stayed for 5 minutes and 21 seconds and read 4 pages!
4.) "Famke Janssen lookalike"
I just put this one in because it makes me feel special! And as an apology to that person that left in disappointment.
Stop! Don't do it! What are you thinking? In my defense, I was only 20 years old and
AND whatever you do, for the love of GOD- DON'T put it on your hip if you are a woman and may have children someday and are not blessed with elasticity in your skin. Poor Pebbles didn't deserve those silvery stretch marks and flab invading her space and smothering her, but she got it- lots of it!