Tuesday, September 30, 2008

But Blogger ate my homework!

The mind is random today- yeah, big surprise, I know. With the doom and gloom of the economics of our country and money being drained from our nest eggs and retirement funds, the tug of war over the "bailout plan", and, of course, the election, I must admit, it's difficult for me to focus on something that is not politically driven, emotionally charged, and drama inducing!

As if that weren't enough to bring a girl down, I am officially on a "starving my ass off so I don't feel too uncomfortable on the beach" cleanse or simply put, a diet. So, I am a bitch on wheels until I get over the withdrawal phase from simple carbs and chocolate or simply put, don't fuck with me.

To balance out my nerves a little, I am working out hard and loving the feel of not being able to lift my arms- no pain, no gain, right!

With the stress of real life kicking my ass, I decided to let Google Analytics provide some comic relief for me (and you) today.

However, Blogger had a different plan in mind and didn't care to heed my bitch warning and went and ate the entire fucking post that I had written and it's gone!

So, in short, I'm having a bad day and you can blame Blogger for me not having a witty post today! Here is the gist of the results of my most recent Google searches...


1.)"Is it my fault my son struggles in school?"

My son does struggle in school, yes. He is currently flunking Science. I have eluded to his academic struggles before, but not that I thought it was my fault, thanks for the vote of confidence, Google Analytics!

So 3 people have been directed to my blog for this problem. This is where I would hope to see a bounce rate of 100% (no, she's a good mom that works diligently with her son and it's not her fault, she can't help me) Um. No. I am apparently the "go to" gal on the subject. They stayed for 8 minutes and read 11 pages of my faulty parenting!

2.) "It's hard out there for a pimp to clean."

Yes, I suppose it is. You're busy taking all those calls from Johns and finding the perfect lady to 'hook them up' for the night. A pimp's work is never done- why don't you just hire a maid?

3.) Mom's dirty thoughts

I have never divulged into my dirty thoughts! I guess they were intrigued by my profanity? They stayed for 5 minutes and 21 seconds and read 4 pages!

4.) "Famke Janssen lookalike"

I just put this one in because it makes me feel special! And as an apology to that person that left in disappointment.

5.) Tattoos of Pebbles Flintstone


Stop! Don't do it! What are you thinking? In my defense, I was only 20 years old and drunk and high stupid. It was the "in" thing to get cartoon character tattoos.

AND whatever you do, for the love of GOD- DON'T put it on your hip if you are a woman and may have children someday and are not blessed with elasticity in your skin. Poor Pebbles didn't deserve those silvery stretch marks and flab invading her space and smothering her, but she got it- lots of it!



post signature

25 comments:

Tiffany said...

LMAO at Pebbles. She's cute though.

jill jill bo bill said...

John David told me of a fasting diet that Beyoncee(however you f'n spell her name)did and lost 30 lbs in 2 weeks. Google Jared Leto diet.

And I almost called you last night since all the TVs were being used and I needed a CNN fix. But, it was not fun at the casa last night due to the "NO" on the bailout. We are very nervous!!!

CailinMarie said...

awe - so sorry blogger monster did not head the warning! i wanted to know what you were going to say!
anyways - pebbles is silly - I am scared of tattoos - I always wanted a thorn/rose ankle bracelet but just couldn't handle the needle thing...
I am going to look up jill jill'd diet suggestion
30??? seriously??? i need this....

georgie said...

Pebbles is super duper cute! now i am off to goggle that diet wonder if I will show up on your GA list LOL...I wish i knew how to friggin read/decifer GA

jaime said...

lol @ your diet technique, it's the same as mine-- it's hard to diet when you don't like veggies! :)

nice tat- where's BAM BAM? huh???

The Mom said...

Aw Pebbles is darling even in silver! ;)

Darrin said...

Aw... Pebbles is cute!! Thanks for sharing!

Manic Mom said...

Isn't GA wonderful. I am amazed every time I take a look. Where do some of these people come from???

amelia bedelia said...

nice tat! and my pimp don't clean!

HappyHourSue said...

The stretch marks could be Pebbles' "silver rays of awesomeness".

Annie said...

Fucking blogger! That sucks ass. Diets blow.
Your tat would be worse...I have a friend with dolphins around her navel.....they look more like whales now. My 2 are strategically placed for fat allotment!

Rochelle said...

roflmao. You crack me up. I wonder what the original post said??? If this one was this funny, the other one would have killed me.

Terri said...

Just stoppin' by to say 'hi'
You make me laugh (mostly at myself)

Smart A$$ Mom said...

so funny. I have a tat on my stomach and man alive! does that thing look trashy now!

Deb said...

Willllllllllmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaaa!!

Yabba Dabba Do!

If it makes you feel better, one of my Google searches was "big ass cream"

Ann said...

Hey Tena,
Thanks for the heads-up about the debate tomorrow night, not tonight.
It's happening in your town?
What's the vibe there?
I can't believe they invited you to a Republican "Victory, In-Her-Dreams" party. (Your words make a great title! Let's keep it!)
~Ann
annharrison@comcast.net

Good N Crazy said...

Whoa? That was really YOUR pebbles. Funny searches...

Jyl @ MommyGossip said...

Damn technology! But, at least you have Pebbles, because stretch marks or no (couldn't see them), she is adorable!

Mekhismom said...

Love the Pebbles. And really you can hardly see the stretchmarks. Note - next time write your post in a word processing document and then cut and paste. It has saved me many a time!

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

LOL!!! You are tooo funny.

Linda S said...

Pebbles need to age like the rest of us. Child stars...PHUH...

KD @ A Bit Squirrelly said...

One of my favorite searches that leads to my blog is "Stretch mark six-pack abs" I wish...

Happy POW

McMommy said...

You have a Pebbles tattoo on your hip?!?!

OMG. I think there is a Bam-Bam joke that could be inserted here but I've got debate hangover and my mind is all fuzzy.

Laski Gal said...

Pebbles rocks . . . get it?!?!

The look-a-like thing. I did it. It came up with three guys.

I was bummed for weeks. WEEKS . . . I was having a bad . . . year.

Happy POW!

Carol said...

Google analytics never ceases to amuse me. Always good for a chuckle or two.