Encore Presentation

When I was younger, even up until 10 years ago, summers meant crappy TV. One word- reruns. Or in the current day venacular of pre-owned cars, the vertically challenged and economically disadvantaged- I guess it is called an 'encore'. I don't care what you call it!

I've always watched far too much TV and was always bitter about the fact that I had to be productive and creative away from the ol' talk box during my summer break. Now, if you miss an episode of a favorite series, and you don't have DVR, good luck EVER seeing it again!

Well, today I am offering up an 'encore' on a post that I did when I had no readers. The following tale was the night from hell and I couldn't have made up a better worse night! Without any readers, all the drama was wasted... not anymore.

The lesson at the end: 'flushable wipes' maybe not quite so flushable...


I am a drama queen. I like things to go smoothly, on time, be clean and tidy, smell nice, taste good, and wrapped up in a pretty package with a perfect bow. My ongoing lifelong lesson has been to deal with this obsession and learn how to deal with what life hands you no matter how imperfect it may be. Sometimes I fail miserably- no, most times I fail miserably.

The kids don't clean their room like I asked- I yell. When we run late for anything- I totally freak. When I misplace something- I turn into the FBI, I interrogate, I hunt, I've even been known to cry. Sure, I feel like an ass once it's over and done, but it's a sickness- what can I say? I make my amends and try to keep my cool the next time. So maybe drama queen is putting it gently, I'm a frigging basket case and you're preaching to the choir if you're thinking of judging me.

The strange thing with me is that when life really throws me a slider- I am a tower of strength. Take last night, just home from the evening's activities, my son was feeling ill, so I was sitting with him by the toilet. My husband starts yelling for me, "Tena, you NEED to come here, NOW!" (Mind you, he is just the opposite of me, little stuff just rolls off of him- he doesn't deal well with the true tests in life- maybe that's normal, I don't know?) Our sewer had backed up into our (thank God, unfinished) basement! It looked and smelled like the shit had hit the fan!

My clean freak personna was reeling- I was coming up with a game plan in my mind for the best way to clean it up immediately. I took it all in stride, though, first things first. The wheels in my head started rolling. OK- I can call the plumber first thing tomorrow. No reason to pay more for a late night plumber- we just won't flush the toilet or use water tonight, right? Wrong! Just then, my son started throwing up! Plan B, buck up and pay for an "emergency" plumber! As I get on the phone to find a plumber, my husband is on his way out the door to the hospital. Oh yeah, his father was diagnosed with leukemia about 2 hours earlier!

My husband spent much needed time with his dad. My son began to feel better after he threw up and he and the others went to sleep. After the plumber left and $450 later, I spent 4 hours cleaning up dirty poopy water, rummaging through what could be saved and what couldn't and then disinfecting my ENTIRE house (I think I am still high from the bleach fumes.)

All of this and not a tear, no items thrown about the room, no yelling- I kept my cool through every inch of the tests that were thrown at me last night. I am not proud of my overreacting to the little stuff, but it is a consolation that my crazy mind does come through for me when it really counts!

Recovering

I feel like I just ran a marathon. I sooo did not just run a marathon. At this point I'd be satisfied for the energy just to run up the steps! In the last two posts, I kind of purged my soul and gave you way too much information a better understanding of how and why I tick (like a time bomb.) I'm having those morning after regrets- what the hell was I thinking? Oh, come on, now, I'm not the only one that knows that feeling. The shame, the humiliation, the guilt- what about my reputation?

I will try my best to redeem myself as someone that deserves your respect. Luckily, yesterday was one of the worst days on file, so maybe after my recap, I will at least get a little sympathy.

My search for supplemental income continued and I decided to retreat to my old stand- by: retail. I love it and I'm good at at it, but unfortunately the hours are not kind to a family gal, like myself, but a woman must do what a woman must do. I had an interview with a particular lingerie boutique named after a Queen, but I can't tell you her name- shhhhh!

On the way to the interview, I got pulled over. I was speeding, I occasionally get caught up in my music and do that. Now, one may think that I have a 'get out of jail free' card since my husband is a policeman, but one would think wrong. Know why? Because I don't have balls. That's right! No balls. Ball-less. I couldn't muster up the courage to drop a name and use my husband's position to get me out of my predicament.

First you must know, all of my rebellious ways must have been a cry for help. Because I am really a chicken shit, deep down, a goody two shoes, wanting to please everyone. I have been pulled over 5 times in my life. Each time, I get a rush of anxiety, start trembling uncontrollably and feel like I'm going to vomit.

This time was no exception. He asks for my license and proof of insurance. My license was stuck to the plexi in my wallet- does anyone not have this problem? So I'm shaking like a Parkinson's patient that decided to tough it out without the meds AND my license is snugly adhered to the plastic- and it ain't coming out. He saw my struggle, watched it without an ounce of compassion while he shuffled the huge lump of tobacco behind his lower lip, pulling up loogies and disposing of them next to my car!

He retreated to his car to decide my fate. It took a while, never a good sign. I wasn't getting off with a warning, the cleavage meant nothing! He returned with his clipboard and rambled how I was going 16 miles over the speed limit and by signing this, it is not an admission of guilt... yada, yada, yada... So with a $150 fine staring me in the face- I found the balls!

So would it mean anything that my husband is a policeman?

Well, apparently, my lack of balls pissed him off, too. He asked why I didn't tell him before. Then the balls became like elephantitus and I was no longer in control of what was coming out of my mouth. I accused him of being uncompassionate, cold, and unsympathetic to my perpetual trembling and obvious fear. Blamed him for my impending tardy arrival at my interview. Oh yeah, I mentioned how inappropriate and unprofessional spitting his chew was!

I don't have to tell you, I got the ticket. I called my husband and had to listen to him rip me new one for 1.) speeding 2.) not using his name before he wrote the ticket 3.) locating balls in an untimely manner.

My 100th Post- Part Deux

OK, if you have returned, thanks! I'm so amazed glad that my dysfunction and glaringly huge forehead hasn't scared you off...In the words of Casey Kasem (after he did the long distance dedication)... now back to our countdown...


51.) I interned at a radio station and a television station in college. I remember the promotions manager for one of our stations being 'let go' because the station was changing formats. She was a fairly young single mom and said it was the third time she was being fired for format changes. That was when I decided that I had picked the wrong major and was screwed didn't want to work in the industry.
52.) I don't like pizza- much like the dog thing- people think I have a third arm or something!
53.) My husband and I have a bit of a rocky relationship at times. Our love for food and laughter (sometimes at others' expense) is our saving grace. Ultimately, we are becoming fat and mean together.
54.) I have a very bad family history of heart disease: dad had his first heart attack at 32, his dad died at 45, my mom's dad died at 36, my mom and dad's mom died in their 60's, and my brother- all from heart attacks or related heart issues.
55.) My second daughter had HORRIBLE colic for her first year- doctors thought she may have a neurological problem.
56.) I have a small skull- I know small skull, big forehead- freak! When I was a baby, I had a number of cat scans to see if my brain had room to develop and grow- you be the judge?
57.) After being dumped a bad breakup in college, I was under 'observation' in a mental hospital, but just for a day. I think it was culmination of all things in my life that just boiled up at that point.
58.) I don't love showering and hate baths, so , I guess I'm dirty- no, not really. I do prefer just to wash my hair in the sink, put on deodorant and change my under garments- I don't stink, I swear I don't!
59.) I have really good direction and don't get lost and if I do I won't admit it and won't stop for directions under any condition.
60.) My mom almost died when I was 3 days old. The hospital didn't deliver the placenta and she hemorrhaged- no shit!
61.) I played soccer for about 15 minutes before I broke my wrist - then never again.
62.) I'm a girly girl, but I'm pretty tough.
63.) I was voted 'most mature' in my 8th grade class- WTF, that's the best I could do? LAME!
64.) No one can tell my sister and me apart on the phone.
65.) When I went into labor with my son, it was a Thursday and I waited to leave until 'Must see TV' ended!
66.) I wasn't baptized until I was in 2nd grade.
67.) My grandma was a Wesleyan Sunday School teacher and that was the only church I went to on Sundays until I was an adult- even though I went to Catholic school.
68.) Growing up, my neighbor was a single mom with 2 girls and belonged to a group called PWP- Parents Without Partners. They did fun shit ALL the time, I loved when they invited me to join! When I was 10, my mom sat me down and told me that she and my dad were getting divorced. I was excited and the first thing I thought was can we join PWP?
69.) I have always had passion for design- it used to be fashion, but since I've been a homeowner, it's home fashions.
70.) I can't draw- not a bit!
71.) I was fired from a job once. It was a lot that sold campers & motor homes and I wanted to cry every second of the 6 months I worked there, I never did anything wrong, I just hated it- that was one time I think divine intervention stepped in- because I had just been hired at a really good job that I ended up loving!
72.) My son went to a babysitter for his first 3 years who did not speak English- only Spanish. She was a friend of the family and my broken Spanish skills were tested!
73.) I am a people watcher and I don't like "show-offs".
74.) I am very insecure.
75.) I could listen to Elton John, Van Morrison, Steely Dan, and/ or Old Chicago and nothing else for the rest of my life and be perfectly satisfied- they all soothe me and take me away.
76.) I am a perfectionist and am often letting myself down.
77.) I love every reality show on Bravo.
78.) I love to paint- like walls and artistic stuff on walls.
79.) I recently applied and had an interview for a job at Starbucks for extra cash and then saw the same location on the list of stores closing- shit!
80.) Perfume smells weird on me.
81.) I have a chemical imbalance that makes watch batteries go dead on my wrist.
82.) I floss twice a day, at least.
83.) When I get manicures, I do clear nail polish because it chips within SECONDS!
84.) I can eat A LOT and I was so skinny in high school and college that my friends often snuck into the bathroom- they thought I was bulimic- nope- never- because #85
85.) I HATE throwing up- it's totally disgusting- not even worth being skinny!
86.) I wear contacts and need them! I am afraid of lasek and ,frankly, not too bothered with my contacts.
87.) I do not use birth control. Nothing, nada, nilch. We like to live on the edge. I really do not have a good excuse for this. I've been meaning to get to my hot OBGYN to get one of those 5 year doozies, just have been too busy blogging. My husband feels he's too old (and he's right, the old fuddy duddy), but it wouldn't be the end of the world.
88.) I have an awesome memory- a steel trap- nothing ever leaves. I remember details, names, and faces. I sometimes pretend not to remember things or people so I don't come off as a total geek that has no life.
89.) I clip coupons, but rarely remember to use them.
90.) I consider myself a good judge of character.
91.) I like to play poker.
92.) I have a dirty mind.
93.) I get along with guys very well- maybe because of #91 &92!
94.) I resemble my dad (just what every young girl wants to hear growing up- that she looks like her bulbous nosed, grey haired, mustached, beer bellied dad). My sister looks like my mom and they are both gorgeous and can't gain weight! Bitter, a little. Jealous, a lot!
95.) I know A LOT about baseball. I have followed it all of my life and was taught the ins and outs by my dad. I like to follow the stats.
96.) I am very sound and smell sensitive. I can smell everything and I hate loud noises.
97.) I shared a room with my sister and was so sick of her, made a closet my room- for about a year.
98.) Christmas is my favorite holiday- I love Christmas music and we listen to it from Oct- Dec 25- WHEN IT'S OVER IT'S OVER, though.
99.) If I could do nothing else before leaving the house, I would do my eyebrows (pluck, shape, and shade).
100.) When I am at a weight that I'm happy with, I am very uninhibited in the bed! I used to be skinny and, frankly, I was a little slutty.

Thought I'd end on one that really sent you running!
Thanks for reading. It was a fun challenge to think of 100 things about myself that I hadn't already rambled into the ground on this blog.

Thanks for all your comments and going through me on this whole blogging journey! I feel blessed to have such an outlet for creativity, humor, and anecdotes and sometimes lack thereof. This blog has provided me with so much more than I expected and that has a lot to do with you all reading and keeping me honest- no shortage of that! I hope to keep building relationships with those of you who comment or continue providing a freak show for those of you who lurk.

This is pretty much the equivalent of streaking through each of your front yards. When you comment it feels like an affirmation, like, hey, you didn't look that bad. So thanks for not pointing and laughing!

MY 100th POST Part 1

I can't believe I made it. I thought and thought of what clever shenanigans I could come up with to celebrate this auspicious occasion and fell flat. I have, however, been reading lots of '100 things' posts on different websites and I LOVE READING THEM! I'm only afraid that I've already told you too much, so I am really gonna try to dig on this one so be warned- you may be entering TMI zone... I'll start off slow...


1.) I am 35 years old will be 36 on September 26- take note. I am 5'4". I do not, however, weigh 100 lbs like my drivers license suggests. Sue me- I was 8- 9 months preggers the last 2 times I had it renewed and I SURE AS HELL wasn't going to put that weight on it! So I just kept it the way it was from when I was 16.
2.) I have an unusually large forehead- one that resembles that of a receding hairline, but it's been this way since I've had a hairline. I've never thought much of it until recently. Tyra Banks was defending her big forehead and how she had been made fun of for it, then I realized some people are probably a little freaked out by it- I guess it does kind of look Star Trekish. Then a few months ago, I was getting a haircut and (I HATE BANGS because I have a horrible cowlicks that cause bangs to look like a have the letter 'M' sitting on top of my head) the stylist says, "I'm gonna cut you some bangs because it will hide your really big forehead- you know you really have a big forehead!"- HONEST TO GOD! She said that to me! I have since been trying to grow out the bangs- thanks, you untactful bitch- in some cultures, a big forehead is considered a sign of beauty and intelligence- I don't know... but it could be!
3.) I don't dye my hair and have no greys (my 7 year younger sister has to dye her greys weekly-bwaahahaha!)
4.) My first job was at a TJ Maxx. I worked there from 16- 22!
5.) I lost my virginity at 15.
6.) I became pregnant at 22 by my best friend.
7.) My son's father lived in a different city and wasn't ready to grow up.
8.) I went through the entire pregnancy, labor, and his first 6 mos. by myself (with supportive, great friends).
9.) I met my husband when my son was 3 months old.
10.) My husband is 8 years older than me.
11.) My husband adopted my son when he was 5.
12.) I had a brother that died when he was 6 weeks old- I was 4.
13.) My mom was 16 when she had me.
14.) My dad is a recovering alcoholic.
15.) I am Catholic, but do occasionally struggle with that label as my faith because I sometimes find their 'beliefs' judgemental.
16.) I made straight 'A's in high school.
17.) I did not in college.
18.) If I never gained weight or didn't have a fear of #21, I could live off of donuts.
19.) My fav- Chocolate Long Johns
20.) I had gestational diabetes with all of my pregnancies and was insulin dependant.
21.) Am afraid I have it now, but afraid of finding out so I haven't gone back to the Dr. (no lectures- at least I stay away from the damn donuts)
22.) I LOVE MUSIC and was raised on it
23.) My first '45' record was Puppy Love by Donny Osmond.
24.) My first 'CD' when they came out was Milli Vanilli- SHUT UP!
25.) All time favorite CD is Listen Without Prejudice by George Michael
26.) I have an aunt and cousin that committed suicide.
27.) I used lots of drugs in college, but didn't really drink alcohol.
28.) I only had braces on my bottom teeth and I still wear my retainer and they still are screwed up!
29.) I was the lead in my school's high school musical my senior year.
30.) I have sang the National Anthem at Busch Stadium (St. Louis Cardinals)
31.) I graduated #6 out of my 179 graduating class... BUT...
32.) I never challenged myself academically- I was afraid of advanced classes!
33.) I was scouted by a modeling agency throughout high school, but my mom is a skeptic and would not let me have anything to do with it.
34.) I have had 2 cars stolen
35.) My husband was shot at (not hit) in front of our house once.
36.) My first car was a '82 Dodge Charger.
37.) The first car I bought was an '87 Toyota Celica.
38.) I desperately want to go back to work, but have no idea what to do and am scared shitless at the prospect.
39.) My sister got pregnant at 19 and I felt very guilty, like I was a bad influence.
40.) My sister was a waitress at Hooters and, again, I felt like I was a bad influence.
41.) My sister has a better relationship with my mom.
42.) I HATED my sister growing up and was very mean to her, but she is now my best friend.
43.) I have broken my ankle, wrist, and 4 fingers.
44.) I went to Catholic school throughout high school.
45.) I can still do flips off of a diving board.
46.) I used to sell Pampered Chef.
47.) I took organ lessons! My mom was an award winning accordion player and she made me!
48.) I used a fake I.D. from the time I was 18-21 (the same one)!
49.) I thought my OBGYN was hot and now my vet is hot! (I'm wed, not dead- I actually had a guy say that to me at the gym!)
50.) My mom's dad's mom- ya still with me? Was a full blooded American Indian.

Ok- PLEASE return tomorrow to find out more shit about me that you couldn't care less. And, drop some comment love and let me know you were here- it's my 100th post for crap's sake- throw me a bone!

Still in the Closet

I hooked up the Google analytics last week. That, by no means, is an implication of me knowing how to use it or understand what they are 'analyzing'. However, I was curious, so I tried.

My assumption was that I had my base 'bloggy' friends- those that comment, that I visit that their site regularly, and I consider acquaintances and friends. On a great day, I was thinking 20 peeps were peeking in on my dysfunction.

Since July 13, it appears that there have been just over 1000 visits- Holy Crap!!! Sure that's what a 'big hitter' does in an hour or so, but that's so exciting to little ol' me! Apparently there are a few lurkers sniffing around these parts and I'm OK with that- lurk away! I just feel pretty flattered that so many people are being accidentally directed from their search engine visiting my blog!

I don't have family or friends reading- so this is all out in cyberspace! It is my dirty little secret.Click on that link and read so you will understand the following, please!!!

I wrote that post when I was still very green to this (I feel I'm a nice shade of celadon now). Most of the things are still true. It is still a secret, completely. I still feel guilty about that, but I still feel I am not ready to share this part of myself with people face to face. I'm quite certain that my husband would still think that I am a part of a pornography ring (and you're all accomplices!)

On the other hand, there is now a part of me that wishes I could share this with the people I know. I've have met such, great, kind, supportive people and it makes me sad that I can't share those friendships with people in my real life.

My blog fodder is true and depicted from every aspect of my life. I'm certain if my sister stumbled across this blog, she would think she was having a deja vu! Every time I bitch post about issues with my husband, it's just a recap of what I've already said to him. I don't conceal anything in my writing and I do now tell my husband that I'm journaling. There are no 'secrets' here (besides the fact that I am sharing it with you, of course, OK, so I guess that's a secret.)

In real life, I am an open book. I say too much, am too honest, I tell it like it is and could use a censor beep for about every other sentence I mutter. That is, if I let you in. I have a history with everyone that knows the 'genuine' me. Enough time has gone by, that I felt safe enough to be authentic.

The anonymity of blogging has given me the ability and courage to be myself from the start without fear of rejection or judgement. This is me- you don't like me- you go somewhere else- it's pretty simple.

I have recently found some blogs authored by locals in my area. Although I read them and enjoyed them, I did not comment. I am not a narcissist, and I know the feasibility is improbable, but the rare chance of 'x' knowing 'y' knowing 'z' leading back to me crossed my mind. The fear of being 'found out' was palpable. I was afraid of six degrees of separation leading back to me.

Why? In my mind, at least I'm sure in the mind of people like my husband, this is an unknown forum. Unfamiliarity scares people. Hell, it scared me until I got my feet wet and realized that there was nothing cryptic taking place, here.

I wonder if blogging will ever become more widely accepted as a source of communication. I wonder if it will ever be thought of as a current day, innocent type of 'pen pal'. I wonder if I will ever share this with the tangible people I associate with. I wonder if they'll ever be able to handle it.

New friends with good taste

I love meeting new people out here in the blogosphere. I have met some of the most awesome people and they just keep coming! Amelia Bedelia (my all- time favorite books when I was a kid, by the way!!!) and her sister, Jill jill bo bill are two funny gals that I have recently crossed paths with. They've been leaving me comment love and, as is my customary repertoire, I visited their sites and caught up on their archives.

I particularly felt right at home at Amy's place:




Maybe this had something to do with it (this is my living room):


Uncanny, don't ya think?

Man has Baby!

If you haven't heard, Thomas Beatie, the dude that became a chick, had his baby. If you've been living in hole... Oprah exposed him several months ago... He was born a woman (and a lovely one!), but had been living as a man (he is a pretty man, too, really!) He took hormones and had his/her breasts removed, but kept his 'lady business', thus was able to convieve and birth his very own offspring.

How many woman have wished the pain of childbirth, the discomfort of pregnancy, the morphing of your body into stretched sausage casing vengefully on a man? If you could only walk in my shoes?

Here it is, a sadistic, vindictive, dream come true! Or is it? And I quote:

"After 30 odd hours of labor," he noted, “I weigh two pounds less than I did before I got pregnant… And I don’t have a single stretch mark!"

BITCH!

fair game

Hi, this is 'Tena's husband'. Could I speak with the Sergeant on duty? ... Hello, Sergeant, I know I am supposed to come to work today, but the loud thunderstorm last night woke up my kids and I wasn't able to get any sleep. Never mind that my wife was the one that sat up with them on the couch from 2:30- 4:00 while my lazy ass stayed in bed. And, yes, this is the same woman that has had an average of 4 hours of broken sleep for the last three nights since she has been diligently trying to house and crate train our new yapping puppy without waking the rest of the house. But I don't think I'd be much good to you today. I need to catch up on my sleep.

The preceding was a simulation of the actual conversation that took place at 5:00AM from my husband to his work.

The following is a simulation of a future conversation I will be having with my husband:

When you wake up and realize there is dog shit and pee everywhere and the house reeks and has been chewed up and spit out by a teething puppy, the kids are still in pajamas ,have eaten donuts, soda and candy all day, and you can't seem to figure out where your firstborn has gone, I wanted you to know that I didn't think I'd be much good to you today. I need to catch up on my sleep.

The real danger of insomnia

If you've ever had a newborn, you know the anxiety that goes with the night. The unknown of what's to come in the next several hours. I have been comparing my recent nocturnal issues with the puppy to those when I had newborns. The same elusive questions have plagued my mind.

When is just the right time to put him in his crate? (No need to call DFS, I didn't put any of my newborns in crates.) Did he eat enough? If he cries, do I let him cry, if so, how long. Will he eventually fall asleep? How long will he sleep?

Last night was a 'good' night. I crated him at midnight and he was QUIET and slept until 3:30. He, then, started scratching and I brought him outside to do his business- AND HE DID! I put him back in the crate and QUIET AGAIN!

So here I am, sort of adjusted to the 2 hours sleep I had gotten in the previous 2 nights, with a whopping 3 and a half hours sleep under my belt! I was refreshed and oddly wired. I don't know if it was all the sleep I had gotten or my beaming pride from the preliminary success of the crate and house training, but I wasn't sleeping.

Like many an insomniac, I went to my computer. I caught up on blog reading, hopping and dropped some A.M. comment love (I'm hoping it was coherent). Next step, the boob tube.

One word- infomercials! What is it about infomercials? Why do I always want what their selling? The 'hosts' are freaks and I don't believe a word their saying. The 'creators' are equally as full of shit and clearly just trying to close the deal. The testimonials are bologna- I don't believe for one second that 'Joey' lost 80 lbs and got ripped abs from doing your workout ONLY for 10 minutes a day- BECAUSE HE'S A FUCKING ACTOR- and you can post a disclaimer that he is not an actor, but you're totally lying because you're in L.A. and everyone is an actor!

Why do they play them at the wee hours? Is it because people with sleep deprivation don't have the ability to filter. Their brains aren't thinking straight so they just pick up the phone? Or could it have to do with the reason for their insomnia? Financial stress, overweight?

Screw it - whatever the reason- my wish list got longer.

"Cheeks" - Crocs meet Birkenstock and claim to exercise your legs as you walk. Tony Little is the disgusting mullet meathead genius behind this one. WHY! I fell for it once, Tony! The Gazelle, do you remember, you promised it would change my life! You didn't mention that the life change would be having a bulky piece of shit exercise equipment to hang my clothes on! Why am I falling for you again! I want those damn shoes!

"Ten Minute Trainer"- Imagine looking svelte with six pack abs and dropping all the extra L B's by just working out 10 minutes a day! 'Nuff said, right? Hook, line and sinker!

I'm certain that in the next few weeks I will be chargingpaying 3 monthly installments of $39.95 for a workout dvd set that I will vow to use. I will also give in and fall for Tony's sales pitch and wear those ridiculous plastic shoes that will make my ass look great- why? Because I'm a sucker, a sleep deprived, overweight, financially strapped sucker- just their demographic!

Sleep is overrated

Murphy's second night in the house did not go well! He slept for 2 hours and cried for about 6. He had his first accident in our house, so in my stupor, I am disinfecting and sanitizing the house- IT WILL NOT SMELL LIKE A DOG!

Thanks Christy for being lazy and having writer's block making this 'meme week'- the same week as my new puppy arrival. I only wish I would have kept the "One Word" meme for today as I am having a hard time putting together full sentences. Here goes...

Accent: I don't think I have one. In St Louis, many say 'farty' instead of 'forty', pronounce the silent 'S' in Illinois, and excuse themselves to use the 'torlet' (toilet) and then 'warsh'(wash) their hands afterwards- don't ask- I don't get it! I don't know how I avoided it, since my parents are guilty of this butchering of the English language. I do, however, still say 'ya'll' and 'deouwn'- like- Ya'll, I'm goin' deouwn to the store. I went to college in Southern Missouri and it stuck.

Breakfast or no breakfast: I try- usually it is coffee and an egg white with flax seed oil on a whole grain English muffin- it grows on you.

Chore I don’t care for: Folding laundry- it's such a tedious job and not a big payoff!

Dog or Cat: one 3 lb crying, insomniac, sack of shit puppy.

Essential Electronics: Computer and cell phone

Favorite Cologne: For men- Drakaar Noir- as cliche as it is- I love it! Maybe one day I'll tell you a very funny story about my college days and Drakaar, but for now, I'd rather keep the ounce of dignity that I have remaining. Perfumes don't smell right on me.

Gold or Silver: I just had my gold wedding set dipped in white gold- aaah- the best of both worlds!

Handbag I carry most often: Knock- off Dolce Gabana zebra print clutch with fuscia trim- I'm so glad I tested out the fake first because it's way too small and I would have kicked myself for spending real jack on a purse that is always too full to close and my wallet hangs out of it upright- maybe I'll have to take a pic- it's pathetic!

Insomnia: Sometimes, yes. My wheels in my crazy head are always spinning and that keeps me up- oh yeah- and a yelping puppy!

Job Title: Chauffeur, Housekeeper, Financial Planner, Teacher, Accountant, Organizational Guru, Banker, Chef, Doctor, Therapist, super teeth cleaner and writer extraordinaire!

Kids: no thank you! I learned my lesson.

Living Arrangements: Husband,4 kids, myself, and now Murphy, the pup that doesn't sleep -live in a 4 bedroom, 3 bath story and a half house that has become too small even though it's twice the size of the house we lived in 3 years ago, outside of St Louis, MO.

Most Admirable Trait: I'm always right

Naughtiest Childhood Behavior: I sabotaged every relationship my mom had after she and my dad divorced. It's not that I wanted them back together, but she dated creeps- then when she found a decent one, I laid off- and he has been my step dad for 25 years-see, I am always right!

Overnight hospital stays: I had tubes put in my ears when I was 3 and had 4 kids. I've stayed overnight (9 days) for 2 of my kids' illnesses though, much much worse than anything happening to me!

Phobias: I'm a freak- a lot of things fall into this category. Crumbs or sand on my feet, public restrooms, mold, bad teeth.

Quote: 'You people have the morals of Guinea pigs'- Soapdish

Reason to smile: A clean smelling house, chocolate, 'quiet time' in my house, Christmas, fitting into skinny jeans

Siblings: One biological (7 years younger) sister; 3 step sisters- I consider them 'sisters' even though, technically they're not even 'step-sisters' anymore. My dad and my step mom of 21 years are divorced , but still date. Weird, I know!

Time I wake up: when I am woken up- not a morning person so I wake up when my kids or husband tell me that I am needed to cook, clean, drive- anytime between 7-9

Unusual Talent or Skill: I was trained as a singer my whole life, but don't have a great voice, but can keep pitch- I'm always on pitch. I can rock a mean Karaoke and I know almost every song ever made that isn't country!!!

Vegetable I Refuse to Eat: Broccoli- stinks

Worst Habit: I chew the inside of my mouth- I gnaw on it until it's raw- I think it's stress- I've done it forever!

X-rays: Not recently.

Yummy Stuff: chocolate, real Italian food.

Zoo Animal I Like Most: Any of the ones outside- that you can actually see- the houses stink!

Caution: I use profanity when I'm tired

File this one under: what the fuck was I thinking?

I had many awesome responses to my inner turmoil about dogs. I was fully expecting to be tar and feathered. To my surprise, many agreed with me! However, Mrs. 4444 brought to my attention breeds that DON'T SHED!

So, back to the drawing board I went. I researched custom mixes of dogs that are chosen to get the best characteristics of two different breeds. Remember, I was looking for very small, non- shedding, not much barking, not hyper, and non- smelly and my spoiled rotten kids weren't satisfied with the cartoon dog!

To my surprise, there are many dogs that fall into this category, within reason. Most of them were from breeders and out of our price range- part of the deal was that the kids were throwing their hard- earned money into the pot.

Then a found a website for a rescue that specialized in 'designer' breeds- ooh, la,la, right? Well, long story short: we went, they fell in love, and we bought:

meet Murphy...

Pretty damn cute- huh? He is an 11 week old Shihtzu/Bichon Frise and weighs 3 lbs and will weigh about 10 full grown. He is cuddly and soft and sweet and doesn't appear to shed, that's the good news.

The bad news: He threw up all over me on the way home. He also shit on the floor boards on that same drive. He cried and yelped all but 3 hours of the night last night. The fresh groomed fragrant smell that he had when we picked him up was replaced, within about 10 minutes, by that dreaded 'stinky dog smell'! CRAP!

So, I am walking around in that fog, you know the one you have from lack of sleep from a newborn? Yeah, that one. I have done more research about house-training, crate-training and getting rid of stinky dog smell than you can shake a stick at!I have neglected my bloggy world because I can barely keep my eyes open, again, what the fuck was I thinking?


Please wish me luck on a better night tonight!

Men on a Mission

Who of us have shut the door on the short sleeved oxford wearing, backpack toting, bicycle riding boys that come to your door spreading the joy of Jesus' word- AKA Mormons?

Now, I must admit my ignorance of this particular faith. My knowledge is confined to mostly what I've learned from watching Big Love- oh hell, I'm Catholic and we've got our own problems!

In the news this weekend, some Latter Day Saints missionaries that posed for a 'beefcake' calendar have been excommunicated from the Church.

Is it just me? I think if these boys carried around the calendars or better yet, lose the shirt and tie, they just might have persuaded some new converts! I know I wouldn't have shut the door so fast!





Can I get an AMEN?

One Word

Manic Mom threw this meme out and it looked like a fun one...
Must answer in one word answers...
1. Where is your cell phone? car
2. Your significant other? snoring
3. Your hair? fine
4. Your mother? compassionate
5. Your father? silly
6. Your favorite thing? blogging
7. Your dream last night? ex-boyfriend!
8. Your favorite drink? tea
9. Your dream/goal? skinny
10. The room you’re in? living
11. Your church? crowded
12. Your fear? poverty
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? oceanside
14. Where were you last night? home
15. What you’re not? timid
16. Muffins? blueberry
17. One of your wish list items? kitchen
18. Where you grew up? Midwest
19. The last thing you did? killed (bugs)
20. What are you wearing? t-shirt
21. Your TV? muted
22. Your pets? 0
23. Your computer? non-MAC
24. Your life? learning
25. Your mood? anxious
26. Missing someone? no
27. Your car? new
28. Something you’re not wearing? bra
29. Favorite store? Target
30. Your summer? enjoy
31. Like(love) someone? kids
32. Your favorite color? brown
33. Last time you laughed? tonight
34. Last time you cried? frustration

Ok, so it was harder than it looked. Clearly, I seem to be a woman of many words and run-on sentences!

Bondage and spreading love!

My computer has been down most of the day and I have been on the phone with the "support" center and (I use that word loosely as they have not supported me in any way accept to drink heavily!) I have been suckered into using switched to a new phone service, I will call it "Bondage".

"Bondage" is not a regular phone service, it's very technical and I'm not good at wrapping my head around technical jargon, but something about the modem, thus the loss of my COMPUTER! At this point in the day, after 6 hours of SUPPORT, I feel like my head is going to explode!

I have spoken with 6 different people, all foreign- with THICK dialect, my guess, from India.

Although you introduced yourselves as Amy, Jane, Kate, and Steve- those are SOOOO not your names. Your use of those apple pie names is not making this communication gap any easier!

They were as kind as could be. Which is why I felt bad when I hung up on 4 of them just to call back and roll the dice on getting an American to answer. Never happened! They were smart as whips, but had no idea what I was asking. WTF!

Think good thoughts, think good thoughts... Ok, so I had to get that off my chest, clear the air, now i must spread love, damn it!

Sweetheart,Jen @ Cheaper than Therapy gave me an award! When it rains it pours, folks! Tiffany also gave me one today- Thanks and stop your bitchin' and moanin' whining- you got an iphone for free! So, in an effort to stay true to Jen's Brillante Award I will pay it forward...


These ladies are all invited on our Road Trip- think positive- it could happen! Jen, we could totally use the slutty van!

Christy@Heavy on the Caffeine
Tiffany@ Stuck in the Sticks
Deb@Don't Judge this Book By its Cover
Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life
Sheila@Manic Mom
Crazed Mom, Janice @ Blurbs from my Brain

Each one has their own unique dysfunctions life experiences. They all have shown the bloggy love to me and you should definitely pay them a visit.

By the by, I'm thinking that this title might grab some funny hits on google, whaddya think?

dog gone truth

Who remembers the "Friends" episode where Phoebe finds a dog and hides it at Chandler and Monica's place, but only Joey knows Chandler's deep dark secret that Chandler doesn't like dogs. They try to keep the truth under wraps because NO ONE DOESN'T LIKE A DOG, right?

Ok, deep breath, as I stand and say, my name is Tena and I don't like dogs. There, I said it. Don't throw stuff, send death threat comments, or lace my Entertainment Weekly with Anthrax. I don't want to hurt them, well not most of them ( maybe the ones that bark in my neighborhood at 3 in the morning). I am just not a fan of the hair, dander, smell, pee, poop, barking, nails scratching my legs when they jump on me,and their cold rough tongues licking me.

I had dogs growing up. My dad loved German Shepards, which is probably part of the problem. We always had a dog that was twice my size. I have seen pictures of me as a very small girl with 5-10 different HUGE dogs. I am convinced that I am repressing a traumatic memory from childhood and that's where my fear and disdain for dogs comes in. There's no other explantion.

My kids do not have this same fear. They LOVE dogs and want one desperately. I feel badly for not being comfortable enough with the canine to give them this perfectly normal childhood memory and playmate.

I have a good friend that is married to a vet and they have 8 dogs. She is my #1 lecturer. I've heard it all... for 13 years... you need to get those kids a dog! I finally have started researching if there is a dog that would fall into my criteria... the long list that it is:

***small, very small (Beebs is scared shitless a little leary of a dog that is not smaller than her)
***MINIMAL shedding (I have extreme allergies to cat hair and dander makes me miserable not to mention the clean up!)
***good with children- duh!
***doesn't bark a lot (I am a noise sensitive freak)
***will not climb or destroy anything in my house

Now, I am perfectly aware that this is probably an unrealistic list of expectations for a four-legged friend, much of the reason I've always told them, "no". So whaddya think, knowing all of my hang-ups?

What's in a username?

I have been "officially" tagged for the first time. It was Tiffany at Stuck in the Sticks. As I was retrieving the link from her place, I realized that I don't know her name- she is "stuck in the sticks" to me... sorry- Tiffany, I know it now! That got me thinking... there's another little odd aspect of this blogosphere- names.

You have the name of your blog, the name you use when you comment (username, huh?), and then you may have a different actual name.

Here, I think I've made all of these good friends. I look forward to their comments about my personal life. I go visit them daily to read about their ins and outs. When it comes down to it, though, some of them I know only by their alias.

I was talking to my mom the other day about the evil Japanese Beetles, and mentioned that "a friend" online and I were talking about how she deals with them. "She", as I kept referring to her, is Bad Momma, that's all I know. How weird would my mom thought I was if I said "Bad Momma and I were talking and..."

In terms of 'real life' friends... Can you imagine the phone calls? Hello, can I speak to 'The Mom' or 'Mrs.4444'?

Just a little observation...

By the way, I am Tena, call me Tena. It's my 'real-life' name, short for Athena- my username is Tenakim- my middle name is Kim- no hidden meaning there- just that this Tena got to it first. Which is totally another thing that freaks me out. Another 'TENA' and she comments here! All of my life I have never run into another 'TENA'- small world, huh?

Enough of my ramble... on with the memme, or is it meme?


What is your favorite quotable line from a Movie? Damn, this is a hard one- I love all the quick witted, inappropriate lines from Knocked Up and 40 Year Old Virgin and the Judd Apatow like... here are just a few that I love (of the cleaner ones)
"Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn't last 22 minutes. It lasts forever."

[explaining the conception to their newborn baby] …and then your Mommy said, "Just do it already!" which was very confusing to Daddy, so I took the most literal translation'

[her producers were gently explaining how she should get back into shape after the pregnancy] "Oh, no, we're not asking you to lose weight. That would be illegal. We just want you to be healthy, by eating less. So go home, weigh yourself on a scale, write than down. Then subtract 20 from that number. And weigh that. Yeah."

On the flip side, One True Thing, gets me every time...[explaining to her career oriented daughter how she has remained 'content' with her mediocre, stay at home mom life]...

"It's so much easier to choose to love the things that you have, instead of always yearning for what you're missing, or what it is that you're imagining you're missing"

Who is the most famous person you have spoken to? Lenny Kravitz when I used to work in radio.

How many bags/boxes of Potato Chips are consumed at your place in a month? One, maybe, that would be by the husband and kids- I'm not a chip eater.

Who is your all time favorite Cartoon Character? Pebbles Flintstone, nuff said.

What foreign food Dish do you prepare from scratch and Serve? We do everything Italian from scratch.

What is your favorite section of the Supermarket? Coffee aisle, with the fresh bean grinder, it smells really yummy!

What was your high school teams mascot and what were the school's colors? Falcons- Blue and Gold

Anyone else who wants it- it's there for the taking- I don't want to piss off anyone to feel obligated to do it. I hear that's how some may feel about being tagged. I love it! Tag away!

Back to the swing of things

Besides having a filthy house from having been 'on strike' for 15 days I realize that many other things have gone by the wayside that must be put back on track. I knew it all along, but made excuses, like you do... I'll start the diet tomorrow, after this gallon of ice cream is gone just this last bowl of ice cream, I don't have time to work out... you know how it goes.

My routine was compromised harshly these last 15 days and I am feeling it- fat (elastic-waisted!) pants and all! I was having a good run, really. Shortly after I started blogging, I posted this and I was in a good place and ready. I was consistent with working out, which, once I'm 'in the zone' I LOVE it! I was eating alright and I was fitting into pants with buttons!!!

Then Operation Staycation, the work of the devil, threw me under the bus. Family activities in our family include food: good, mouth-watering, carbohydrate-loaded coma-inducing food! Who was I to be a party pooper, right? Well, I let NO ONE down (especially my scale, who is particularly high today!!!) I gave into the peer pressure and ate, joined in family activities and did not leave any time for myself and my schedule.

My husband loves Mc Donald's. I was never a lover- I've grown to live with it because of the kids. In a pinch, this was the meal of choice several times- I need no lectures please, I've seen Supersize Me- ELASTIC PANTS, people, no one is more aware at this moment! However, the new Southern Style Chicken Sandwich should have just been inserted into a dirty hypodermic needle (pureed with hot fries and diet Dr. Pepper) so it could go directly into my vein, the way a true addict does it! De-lish!!! It got to the point where I was suggesting McDonald's! Call A&E's Intervention NOW!

Hopefully this will keep me accountable and ashamed enough to get out of this rut and into a pair of pants that grown ups wear- with a fly! My incentive:

Just kidding! For those of you who don't know, this is 'Hot Boy'.

Can I just interject what a freaking dork I am, taking pictures of my landscaper? I am pretending to be taking before, during and after shots and he keeps moving out the way- he's a gentleman, ladies! The patio looks nice, too, no?

End of an Era

Wow! What a day. No shortage of blogging goodies today... with baby Knox and Vivienne making their arrival, Miss America falling on her ass in Vietnam, and my fav couple, Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman breaking up! Oh yeah- THE END OF OPERATION STAYCATION- the old hubby sets off back to work tomorrow and I can actually start blogging with actual content again, or at least have the time to try.

First things first, to those around the country (cyberworld, wherever), you may not be aware of something going on in my neck of the woods and it's kind of in the forefront of our minds.

Beer giant, Anheuser-Busch was bought out in a deal that was all but finalized today. A Belgian brewer, InBev, has bought out our hometown, essentially. Without getting all political and "Buy American" on you, I thought it was notable to mention how, oddly enough, beer has shaped the life of this and many St. Louisans.

It's not only about beer, I mean, it is about beer- we (not me, personally) drink a lot of beer in these parts, but it's so much more than that.

Everyone knows someone that works for "A-B". The uncertainty of cutbacks and layoffs that may loom in the future is daunting and we all know people that stand to be affected. The air is thick with fear of the unknown.

In a city that has seen its share of struggle and transition, A-B has been the one constant. Many industries have come and gone, but A-B was our backbone. The national ad campaigns, the World Famous Budweiser Clydesdales, and some of the best Superbowl commercials ever always warm up a sense of pride in a true St. Louisan.

Busch Stadium, home to our St. Louis Baseball Cardinals, and obvious namesake. I don't believe I have ever met a person that lives here and has NOT been to a Cardinal game. A-B and the Cardinal are synonymous with each other. This is a baseball- loving, proud beer drinking town and half of its identity has been taken over.

Grant's Farm, a popular family attraction with thousands of animals running free on 281 acres, is also run by A-B. It is a beautiful tribute to a commitment to wildlife preservation. Some of my earliest childhood memories are from Grant's Farm. Feeding the goats from baby bottles as they chew my sundress to shreds, watching the bird shows, and being able to sit atop the carriage that is pulled by the Clydesdales, whose stables are also housed on the grounds are just a few that come to mind. I have watched my children enjoy the exact same memories as I did there. I am heartbroken at the possibility of this tradition ending. Inbev has mentioned their first action would likely be selling their amusement parks (including Sea World and Busch Gardens).

A-B has played a hand in almost every aspect of this community. There is a big question mark of where it will go from here. It seems certain, though, that, in St. Louis, life, as we know it, is about to change.

Whole Lot o' Nothin'

Accept my apologies for this totally lame post. For some reason, (Type A), I have the need to post consistently even if I have nothing interesting to share. Quantity over quality, I say, and you pay the price, that is, if this sustains your attention...

Well, first, we are on the downward slope of Operation Staycation and thank God for small miracles! Although, I've not made it, yet, and I am not counting my chickens! Every day that my husband's alive home presents a challenge! One more day!

This weekend:

***School/parish picnic was rained on a lot- enough to NOT have to go! YEAH!
*** I had an uncontrollable urge to eat chocolate, got two zits, and was very edgy (yep, that bitch is visiting) and now- CRAMPS!

*** "Hot Boy" has left my backyard in disarray and I'm not happy about it. We don't even have steps to get out to the backyard yard so I the kids could go out and escape play!

*** I have been planning a 70's party. We've had one once before and it was a blast! I have always had an obsession with the 70's. Peace, love and sexual revolution crap- I totally dig it! I was raised on disco. I remember my parents doing 'The Hustle'- they took freaking disco LESSONS- isn't that beautiful? I love the styles: the uglier, the better. This weekend I spent getting my head together. I went to the flea market and- it was freakin' meant to be- what did I see the minute I get there?

Thing of beauty, ain't it?

I think it's a fair assessment to say that I have spent about 15 hours on Ebay this weekend looking for the perfect vintage outfit. I am currently in love with this, but am going to some shops tomorrow before I commit...

The best part...


Anyone in the St. Louis area this weekend wanna stop in for a good laugh?

Dealing

I started this blog as a way to get things off of my chest. Luckily, for your reading pleasure, things have been fairly easy and painless in my life, for the most part. It truly has become a forum for 'what's on my mind'.

However, sometimes it's hard to make light of the tougher situations. I have written about these. I'm not sure if they fell on deaf ears or if people just avoid commenting like the plague because it's just uncomfortable. Truth is, though, these are really the things that I need to sort out and sometimes it's just too much a part of what's going on, to not mention it.

As I posted, my husband's moods have been, well, sporadic. I really do think that there is an imbalance there (PMS minus the MS!). In his defense, though, he has been struggling terribly since the death of his father, almost 3 months ago. It was, indeed, a strained relationship, but the different emotions that have been stirring up in him have thrown him into a grieving tailspin.

I am a very strong person and have been through a lifetime of therapy, group sessions, Al anon, you name it, I've sat on the couch! I can psycho babble through pretty much any situation and know how things are 'supposed' to go. I deal with death relatively well (sad as that may sound). I get the tears out, deal with the mourning, and move on to being the survivor.

I'm am having a real hard time maintaining my compassion for my husband's grief. I know that makes me sound bad, but it's true. I didn't like the man. That's not it, though. I really didn't like the dynamic that he and my husband had. It was very much 'little wounded puppy following around the master trying, begging for his approval.' It was painful to watch during his life. It's just as painful to watch him being martyred in his death, knowing what I know and seeing what I saw.

His grieving process is being further troubled by a malpractice lawsuit that his mom has initiated against the hospital. I know this may be common in their mourning process, needing someone to blame. I am very troubled by this on a personal level. He was a sick man, physically, emotionally, and mentally. If he had any life left in him, it was a troubled existence. In their pain, they are desperate to point a finger and, even more bothersome, gain monetary restitution.

In my mind, there may have been some poor chioces made regarding his care (by his own family) and, yes, maybe even some human error on the part of the medical staff. The fact remains they have to heal. I feel strongly that laying fault will just hold them all back from moving on and living their own lives.

This is an S.O.S

I've mentioned that Beebs, 3, has a boyfriend and his name is Nick Jonas. My 7 and 9yr olds love the Jonas Brothers, too, but Beebs is TOTALLY obsessed! The Jonas Brothers are a Disney tween band sensation for those of you that don't have pre-teen estrogen seeping out of your house.

She sings their songs all the time! She walks around holding the CD cover- always. Today, all day, she said that he was 'coming to pick me up and we were going on a date. We are going to play games, have a snack and then have a sleepover!' God help me!

Their concert tour will be here next week. I decided to do a little (half-assed) investigating (knowing full well that it would probably NOT be in the budget). How cute would it be, though, if she got to go see her 'boyfriend', right? If she went, though, the other 2 would want to go, and I wouldn't miss it for the world... so I look it up- 5 tickets (and I'm pretty sure my 13 year old boy would want to go too even though he would probably act like he didn't because that wouldn't be cool)- so 6 tickets. $33.75 per ticket to sit in THE GRASS! Are they freakin' nuts?

Last idea- go to Ebay...get carried away on clicking to NOT be outbid(that gets me everytime!) and then regret how high I went and hold my breath until I get this message a minute ago...

___________________________________________________________________________________
eBay sent this message to Tena XXXX.
Your registered name is included to show this message originated from eBay. Learn more.


You have been outbid. Bid again now!


Hi Tena,
There's a new highest bid on this item, but there's still a chance to make it yours. Increase your bid to have a chance at winning.

2 Tickets Jonas Brothers & Avril Lavigne St Louis 7/22
Current price: $213.00
End time: Jul-13-08 11:34:21 PDT
Your maximum bid: $210.00
View Item | Go to My eBay | Win next time with Countdown

Don't let it get away!
_____________________________________________________________________________________
NOTICE: THAT WAS FOR TWO TICKETS!!! PHEW! THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE! WHAT WAS I SMOKIN'?

Day 9

Alrighty, it is Day 9 of Operation Staycation and I'm sooo at the end of my rope. The house is a never ending mess of socks, crumbs, wet swimsuits, and men's size 12 shoes- EVERYWHERE! I am boycotting my normal cleaning schedule because I don't like to waste my time (that is reserved for blogging!)

If the mess coupled with my OCD wasn't enough... I'm quite certain my husband is 'PMS'ing!!! I don't have many men that stop in here, but the few that do- come on, the jig is up! Admit it, won't you? There is a week, once a month where you can't seem to satisfy a scratch, can eat your weight in chocolate chip cookies, and up is down and black is white- right?

We ladies get a total bum rap on the whole PMS thing. It's blamed for any "off" day. Sure, I ate a gallon of chocolate chocolate chip ice cream, called you a 'limp dicked stinky asshat' because you didn't make the bed even though you were the last one to get out of it, and cried in the shower because, well, who the hell knows why we cry then! Like I said- "off" day!

He was reading up on the owner's manual for the new car and discover the 'Jukebox' option (downloading your own songs into the computer of the car). I told him that I just prefer to listen to the variety of music that is offered on Satellite radio. Hold the Phone! You'd have thought I forced his hand at sacrificing his mother so I could make jewelry out of her appendages!

All of a sudden I am a boring, stupid, crazy bitch, my taste in music sucks, we shouldn't have even bought the car, and he wanted to go home immediately. Talk about 'on the rag!'- what a bitch! Is it that time of the month? Can I get you some Midol? I have an idea... GO BACK TO WORK!!!

And the winner is...

I have been green with envy as I see all these bloggy awards being passed around the cyberworld. What does a girl gotta do to get an award around here? Short of documenting when "Aunt Flo" is expected to arrive, I'm an open book, no? I've even exposed my rack and I am now whoring out my landscaper AKA "Hot Boy" (didn't get any real good shots and he's completely clothed, ladies. I will keep trying- I'm not a quitter- I'm just crazy!)






What? You mean you want quality writing with good, interesting content and beautiful pictures and savvy enough to add fun little captions in the sidebar? Oh well, then- nevermind.

Well , apparently all I had to do to get an award was visit Christy everyday, agree with her in my comments, and read her archives! Geez, I could have saved a lot of time and humiliation had I known that! So thanks Christy! It brightened my day to get an award and finally be recognized as a notable blogger and given my due be thought of as a friend.

This award has inspired me to actually try to figure out this tech stuff that I hadn't been able to, UNTIL NOW (notice all the links- not so dumb after all, eh?)

In the true spirit of the award, I will now follow the directions and pass them on accordingly...


Although I am trying to follow the rules, and after much consideration, I am giving these out to people that I would pretty much want to hang with and have a drink with. Don't get me wrong, they have great blogs and that's what keeps me coming back, but the content is like something I would expect from some of my live and in-person friends.

1.)Jen at Cheaper than Therapy- first of all, I know she has recieved this award at least once, but I got to be honest- she's the one that gave me the tutorial on Blogger to figure out the linky thing. Sweet- one word that sadly will never fit me- is the perfect word to describe her. She is everywhere and comments all the time, has kind words, a warm smile, and pictures that look like postcards! She's a waaay better mom than I am, too.

2.)Jill at The Perlman Update, again, I am not the first to bestow this honor on her, but she is still much deserving! She and her gorgeous family are moving to India after having been in Israel for some time (for her husband's job). I am completely sheltered in middle America and I find it fascinating to learn about their cultural adventures and live vicareously through her. She is also a waaay better mom than I am.

3.)Momo Fali - she doesn't need the love from me, but she's gonna get it anyway! She is FUNNY- no two ways about it- I have found myself belly laughing at comments she has left at other blogs- funny just ooozes out her pores! She has a knack for telling a story- short and sweet and, did I mention, funny? Oh yeah, she is also a better mom than I am.

4.) Sarah at Tales of Wit and Charm. She's very cool, close to my age, but doesn't have a house full of kids and husband dragging down her coolness factor- like me. She tells it like it is and doesn't hold back. In a parallel universe, this is who I would have been- I mean, come on we both have sunflower tattoos for crap's sake! Although she's not a mom, she is STILL a waay better mom than me because she treats her pug, Daisy, probably better than I treat my children!

5.) Sue at Happy Meals & Happy Hour. Again, FUNNY! She's very cool too, but is weighed down by the kids and husband like me- so I really get her. She isn't afraid to bash skinny bitches women that are lucky enough to have a good metabolism. She's got good taste in music (Looking Glass) and she vacations in the Hamptons! She is probably a better mom than me too, let's be honest, I'm not setting the bar too high, but I imagine they're looking into some institutions in concern due to her love of Bathtub Gangsta.


For the winners, here are the rules for this award:

1. Pick five blogs you consider deserving of this award, whether for creativity, design, interesting material, or contributions to the blogging community, no matter what language.
2. Name each nominee and link to his/her blog.
3. Show the award and include the name (and link to his/her blog) of whoever presented you with this award.
4. Link to the Arte y Pico blog so everyone knows the origin of this award.
5. Post these rules.

If you already have this award, you only have to accept this additional recognition

The first step is admitting you have a problem...

Have you ever left the house and felt like something was missing? Wallet- check. Phone- check. Fly on your pants isn't open and all of the kids are accounted for (if you're lucky...or unlucky, I guess it's how you look at it!). The obvious necessities are all there, but something just isn't right? That was me this weekend and it's official- I have a blogging problem.

That's right, blogging- reading, writing and commenting was the missing link and I was jonesing for it all weekend. Like most, ours was a weekend full of treacherous non-stop family activity. We would come home for occasional pit stops and I would check the computer and skim past some of my bloggy friends.

By the context of their last posts, it seemed I was not the only one with a hectic weekend schedule and limited writing time and thank goodness- otherwise I would never be able to catch up!!! Nonetheless, it was the first 2 day stretch of not sitting at the computer and drafting a post and peeking into the lives of 10-20 of my dear pretend friends.

Which brings me to wonder, what the hell is wrong with me? I still think it's such an odd dynamic that I share my deepest and darkest thoughts with complete strangers. I look forward to comments from complete strangers. I am even thrilled to see that complete strangers are reading even if there is no feedback.

I have an identity for each of my figments of my computer- compiled from your photos, your blog and my imagination (I fill in the missing pieces- God help you all- I have an active imagination!). I look forward to your updates, news and photos. The cynic in me thinks get a freakin' life, but the realist sees how helpful this outlet has been to me. The interaction, as wierd, unorthodox, and lonely as it may be, has been uplifting.

So I guess this is my way of letting anyone reading: I missed you all and thank you- for being a part of this therapy- because that's really what it does for me. And fair warning, until you corner me with an intervention, I am back to get my blog on and get my fix.

Question 67 & 68

OK, so here we are at Day 3 of the staycation (love that word, by the way, Terri, thanks!)- no casualties yet. I do, however feel like I have been hit by a bus. I woke up at at 6:30am (didn't oversleep this time!) for the last day of the garage sale. It was pretty much a bust today, but Saturday was productive.

This was not a money making venture- it was a 'get rid of shit' venture. Mission accomplished. I priced nothing over .50- seriously, I had people telling me that I was too cheaply priced- at a garage sale!

If I had been paid minimum wage for every hour I spent working on this thing, I certainly would have made more money (we already blew the money on a cheap vacuum since mine shot craps.) BUT I got rid of a bunch of crap and I get my garage back. I boxed up the remnants and will be awaiting the Goodwill truck tomorrow! Yippee!

As promised, I've slacked and not come up with anything to write about today except to answer your questions... here goes...

Christy's Question:

if you could read a friend's diary (that held all of their deepest, darkest secrets, completely unrevealed to anyone) w/o them finding out, would you?

- At the risk of losing any friends that I might have gained from this-Absolutely! I'm a total voyeur... I would love to be a bug on the wall ANYWHERE! I like to know what people think and I am an open book, so it's hard for me to comprehend offending someone by reading deep dark secrets(kind of pathological of me, isn't it?). I also feel that people hold back because of fear of being judged for having those feelings- and I am not a judger, again hard for me to comprehend.

Scarletvirago's Question:

If you could have lunch with any one person, dead or alive (except they'd be in their alive" state for lunch, otherwise rotting corpse might turn off your appetite), who and why??

-I'm not a fan of "past"-history and what have you, so this won't be one of those deep answers like Lincoln or Susan B. Anthony. That said, please accept my apologies for the long windedness, this is one that requires explanation.

I had an Aunt that was one of the greatest people I have ever known. She was kind, generous and her happiness was contagious- everyone loved her. Unfortunately, she married a man right out of high school that no one was ever fond of- she defended him and everyone accepted him because that's what she wanted. He was rude and untactful and we all thought he was crazy, too.

They stayed married 25+ years because she was the type that tried to "make the best of it". She never complained although we all knew she was unhappy. Through the years she gained a lot of weight and had become quite uncomfortable. (This was before the gastric bypass craze- I TOTALLY wish she could have taken advantage of that!) Her husband was mean and insulting about her weight which just made it that much more of a struggle.

In 2000, she had surgery for a back problem (related to her weight) that she had been dealing with. My mom, her only living blood relative, besides her son, talked to her and visited her during her recovery period. She was doing well and getting along much better than before her surgery and things were looking up.

On a Tuesday afternoon, just 2 weeks after her surgery, I got a phone call that my Aunt had died. That was hard. The news that she had shot herself was harder and incomprehensible. She put a positive spin on everything and was quite religious. We had and still have a hard time wrapping our head around her taking her own life, even with the difficulties in her life.

Her husband never showed sadness after her death. He was in law enforcement and seemed very intertwined with the detectives at the crime scene. He remarried shortly after her death.

As a family, we did follow up on his alibi and forensics, which all pointed to a clear cut suicide and no foul play, but we all truly feel that there was some kind of cover up there.

I would love to be able to sit down with her and ask her if she did intend on killing herself. If so, did he have anything to do with taunting her towards it(the only way that it makes any sense to us) or was she just in that much pain in her life and felt trapped otherwise.

Sue's Question:

Is it terrible that the biggest reason I plan to take them on outings like the Aquarium is that it might provide blog material?????

I'm quite certain that this was a rhetorical question, but I needed to lighten the mood... so... Yes, it is terrible and it is the exact reason why I will put myself through the torture of a trip to the zoo. We are awful parents and are using our kids as pawns in this blogging game, big deal! Don't forget to put Bathtub Gangsta in that purse that you bring to the Aquarium!

Deb's Question:

what do you think of your name? Would you have given yourself your name, and if not, what would you name yourself

I like this question! You see, I have a unique name that most do not know- unless you went to school with me and payed close attention on the first day of school roll call. 'Athena' is my birth name. 'I go by Tena - T - E - N - A 'is what I said, verbatim, every year, every class, when they would call my name and that was it for Athena- until the next year with a new round of teachers.

My paternal Grandmother hated the name Athena and she was a bit of a controlling woman and my mom was 16 and a totally non-confrontational pushover (I, however, would have told her where to shove it!) Somewhere along the line the compromise was TENA!

Growing up, I hated the name (thus the robotic response to my teachers) because kids don't like to be "different" and stand out. I thought, no, knew, my mom and dad were hippy freaks and that they just liked the name, but longed to be a Jennifer or Michelle back then.

Now, even though Tena has stuck, I do embrace Athena more and appreciate its uniqueness.

Mrs.4444's Question:

If you could only choose one, which would you choose? Looks, Brains, Wealth

It sounds sooo shallow, but I think I would choose wealth- you can buy looks (plastic surgery) and brains help you make money, but if you don't need money... who cares? In my defense, though, if happiness was a choice, I would choose that over anything!

Tiffany's Question:

Which do you hate more? Elvis or the Grinch??

My first instinct would be Elvis- I've NEVER been a fan. However, that original Grinch cartoon is pretty bad, too. Close call, but I'm going with Elvis.

Jill's Question:

Where are you going in October?

We try to go annually to Gulf Shores, Alabama, nothing fancy but the folks flip the bill and we stay at their place- this will be the 6th year. Growing up, making a trip to Kansas City, MO, Hannibal, MO or Branson, MO (each only 1-3 hours away) was as much of a vacation that I ever had (we were po!) It was always a delight for us to just be in different surroundings and stay in a hotel (I love hotels!). So I have never been much of an exotic traveler and am thrilled to be able to see the ocean once a year!

Let's pause a moment for Jill who is in between homes and her husband is off of work for 8 WEEKS during the relocation- making my 15 days look like beans!!!! Good luck to you, my good woman!

Terri's Question:

If money were not an object, what would be your choice for a dream vacation?

Again, not much of a traveler, but here's my list:

any quaint Italian village

I've been told that Hawaii is a must, so that would be on my list.

I would also like to go to New York (I always imagined me living there as an adult before my life took the grown up route) and stay in a fabulously extravagant hotel.

I would like to visit California before I die, too.


AAAh. well that was fun! Thanks so much for the material!

It's vacation time, but not really

Today is day 2 of my husband's vacation- a 15 day stretch. If you know our dynamic (by reading my constant complaints- since no one that I personally know, reads this), you know that 15 days with he, myself plus the kids in one house with no plans, to speak of, would be last chosen situation on a long list that would include dental treatments and gynological pokes.

We have a planned vacation in October, meaning we are actually "going" somewhere. Which leaves us here, this time around, to our own devices for the next 13 days. The only option is to keep busy- it's a must or I will be tempted to throw a dagger through his heart. There should be plenty of swimming, maybe a trip to the zoo (I HATE THE ZOO, so that should be fun), we are having our patio redone, and the garage sale is wrapping up tomorrow- FINALLY!

So stay tuned... I'm sure nothing will go smoothly and I will be taking my famously crappy pictures to document every fiasco.

In an effort to keep me sane, I'd love to hear from you- so if you read- let me know-drop a line- send me some love- let me know who you are and what led you here. I'm totally digging meeting all the new people that have been commenting through their blogs (even though I'm not really meeting you).

And although blog fodder these next 2 weeks will not be in short supply, time to sit at a computer will be. If there is anything you are curious about or would like to know about me, ask me, I am an open blog- nothing's off limits (at least that I can think of)! It's my total lame-ass, lazy way to draft a post for a day when I'm too busy to actually write something clever. So thanks for supporting the slacker in me!