Wednesday, July 16, 2008

dog gone truth

Who remembers the "Friends" episode where Phoebe finds a dog and hides it at Chandler and Monica's place, but only Joey knows Chandler's deep dark secret that Chandler doesn't like dogs. They try to keep the truth under wraps because NO ONE DOESN'T LIKE A DOG, right?

Ok, deep breath, as I stand and say, my name is Tena and I don't like dogs. There, I said it. Don't throw stuff, send death threat comments, or lace my Entertainment Weekly with Anthrax. I don't want to hurt them, well not most of them ( maybe the ones that bark in my neighborhood at 3 in the morning). I am just not a fan of the hair, dander, smell, pee, poop, barking, nails scratching my legs when they jump on me,and their cold rough tongues licking me.

I had dogs growing up. My dad loved German Shepards, which is probably part of the problem. We always had a dog that was twice my size. I have seen pictures of me as a very small girl with 5-10 different HUGE dogs. I am convinced that I am repressing a traumatic memory from childhood and that's where my fear and disdain for dogs comes in. There's no other explantion.

My kids do not have this same fear. They LOVE dogs and want one desperately. I feel badly for not being comfortable enough with the canine to give them this perfectly normal childhood memory and playmate.

I have a good friend that is married to a vet and they have 8 dogs. She is my #1 lecturer. I've heard it all... for 13 years... you need to get those kids a dog! I finally have started researching if there is a dog that would fall into my criteria... the long list that it is:

***small, very small (Beebs is scared shitless a little leary of a dog that is not smaller than her)
***MINIMAL shedding (I have extreme allergies to cat hair and dander makes me miserable not to mention the clean up!)
***good with children- duh!
***doesn't bark a lot (I am a noise sensitive freak)
***will not climb or destroy anything in my house

Now, I am perfectly aware that this is probably an unrealistic list of expectations for a four-legged friend, much of the reason I've always told them, "no". So whaddya think, knowing all of my hang-ups?

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Jo said...

Hi There~ I love our Cocker Spaniel (but she sheds) and my parents Shitzu's (who don't). They are expensive dogs (Shitzu's) but worth looking into. A well bred Shitzu can be quiet and very nice. They have hair instead of fur so they don't shed and they are tiny and regal. JMO, but if you have to break down and get the kids a dog - I vote Shitzu. Too cute really.

Angi said...

Hi :) I stumbled across your blog via about 5 other peoples' blogs, and I couldn't help but comment -

I hate dogs, too. Even nice dogs. Even dogs that don't stink, or shed, or bark, or drool.

My future children will be cat people. I insist.

Just didn't want you to feel you are the lone dog-hater in a canine-loving world. ;-)

The Mom said...

I'm also a dog LOATHER. Seriously, they suck. But that's just my opinion, i'm not saying dog-owners suck...just dogs in me...they suck.

My dad was a mailman and got a nice chunk of leg taken from one when I was little...the fear and loathing probably started there.

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

I completely understand and felt the same way about everything. We got a dog 2 years ago after the kids asking and asking. We rescued one and I am so glad we did because he is such a easy dog. He stopped someone from breaking into my car and is protective of the house and SUPER GREAT with the kids. Only down side with him is the little dust hairballs I find in the corners. But I can live with that when I see the kids laying and playing with him. My dog is chow/lab mix and is about 30 lbs full grown.

Jill said...

Ok... I own a dog - a large dog too - and I promise not to take offense to your hatred. :) I love my dog to pieces, but I don't love everyone else's.

As you know, dogs are HUGE responsibilities... I only say this because I bleed money every time we leave the house... whether it's boarding the dog to go out of town, or asking someone to come by and either walk or feed her so she doesn't "crap" up the house... sometimes literally.

Some dogs that may, and I only say may fit your criteria are... Bijon, Cockapoo, or a new breed called a Labradoodle. My in-laws have a Labradoodle - and they can come in all sizes. No shedding, great temperment, perfect for kids.

May I just suggest a fish - they're a hell of a lot easier - and when you overfeed them and they die, you can simply flush them and buy another. Think of the cost savings!

Deb said...

Hey Tena,

You should start a 12 step program. I'll introduce myself name is Deb, and I don't like dogs! We had 2 and they were horrible.

Sorry, too needy, too dirty, too expensive, too everything!

Should I tell you how I really feel?

p.s. if you own a dog, I certainly respect your choice to have one. they're just not for me.

Mrs4444 said...

I'm not a big fan of dogs, either, but I don't mind ours (he's well trained). I just hate dogs that are rude. I do know a PERFECT dog for you; it's called a "cavapoo," which is a cross between Cavalier King James Spaniel and a poodle. My friend has one and her family members have two others. Each are alike; small, no shedding, no barking, love to fetch and to swim, easily potty trained, and they like to CUDDLE! If you pick them up, they will lay their heads on your shoulder and snuggle into your neck; EACH of them. I would highly recommend this dog.

Honeybell said...

Bah . . . don't worry about it. I love dogs, but I'd rather kick the cat than look at it.

Disclaimer: I do not, and have not, actually kicked the cat. I just want to.

Tena said...

I like dogs, as long as they are treated like dogs, meaning you won't see me carrying one around in my handbag any time soon! With that said, I have no time to clean up after one more creature in this house, even in the monkeys beg for one ( and they have been), I said NO!!
Go walk your fish around the house in their tanks, lol!

Gettysburg Mom said...

I like dogs. They are just an incredible amount of work. You don't fool me. It seems to me that if I'm going to put that much work into training and cleaning-up after and feeding, it might as well be a kid. At least they can start to do some of those things for themselves, eventually...:)

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

LOL...I think you just described a cartoon dog...LOL...good luck.

Tenakim said...

That's perfect, Dawn- I will get a cartoon dog! The kids will be thrilled. Thanks to everyone's suggestions, and the few that agree and are not dog fans and don't think I have a third arm just for thinking that!

It is still up for discussion, but I will keep options open for the perfect cartoon dog!

Tiffany said...

Um I am a dog lover. I can't resist them. I have an english bulldog and a weenie dog. Bulldogs are great with kids but they are very expensive. Weenie dogs are great too but mine never shuts up. If you want a dog that doesn't shed try a poodle. They don't shed at all. And they don't have to get that goofy haircut they have on TV. Unless you just wanna laugh at your dog. LOL

Drowsey Monkey said...

Just found your blog ... and glad I did :)

I love dogs and used to walk them for a living. If you're looking for non-alergetic you should consider the Portuguese water dog. They're not tiny but they are a great family dog. And he females are a bit smaller.

If you look them up on the web ignore the stupid hair cuts some people give them ! lol. They're much cuter when they're kind of 'moppy' looking.

~Steph said...

Hi, I just stumbled across your blog! Very funny!! :)

Anyway, I am WAY more of a cat person than a dog person, but I fell in love with a puppy at first site last year, and voila, now we have a 1-year-old spastic, energetic puppy in our house! He is really good though. My 3-year-old especially loves him!! They have quite a special bond; any time I'm annoyed by him and consider giving him to another family, I see my son giving him a hug and realize I can't do it. They do grow on you...

Anyway, ours is a Cockapoo, and he doesn't shed, he's really cute, and small. Bichons are nice too; they're even smaller than cockapoos. Obviously you have to do what's best for you... I'm still looking for the perfect cat to fit into our chaotic home (maybe I'm a glutton for punishment??)

Ann said...

Hey Tena,
Just say no. No dog.
(I have one and really wish I didn't.)
Hubby said "It would be good for the kids" blah blah blah.
It always falls on me to do the cleaning and maintenence of this *#@% dog.

Lipstick said...

Found you thru Happy Meals and you are so funny!

I'm with you...I don't like dogs either. I try hard and I think I fake it pretty good, but I just don't get how people get dressed and walk their dogs way early in the morning in crazy weather and pay people to walk them while they are at work. We have a cat, and I think she is too much trouble.

Anonymous said...

Just found your blog. Funny! Like you, I'm not very fond of dogs. I was bit by a poodle when I was child. That might be the root of the problem. . .