Sunday, October 19, 2008

Sunday- #1- let the games begin!

I bring you Mystery Guest Post #1...ahem- can you say bitch? (Not the guest poster- just read it, you'll see what I mean)...

There is this lady who I see pretty much every day when I drop off at school. She is a skinny ass mother of 5 and drives a mini van. Harmless enough, and with all those kids, you’d think she’d be up for some adult conversation, maybe some jokes, and at least a little stinking smile. NOPE. She has to be the meanest faced, bitchiest mom there. Seriously, her daughter is in class with my child and I’ve numerous times tried striking up a convo. I am seriously friendly, and damn it, I’m funny. I could make a nun laugh. Not Evil Mom. No way, no how. So what is the big freaking deal you may ask? Why do I even care? Aren’t there enough other parents there I can converge on to heckle and bother and make their ears burn with all the hot air I blow?!?!? Well, faithful Tena readers, yes, there are. But often we are the only ones there at that given stinking moment. I’m not about to be rude and not acknowledge her. Here is why I find it so highly amusing……her license plate (which I almost took a picture of, but didn’t want to out myself by showing a state plate!) says PSALM 23. Yes, that is right, Miss High and Mighty is a Godly woman. Just so we are all on the same page, I looked up the verse to see what she was preachin’.

Psalm 23 The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not be in want. He makes me lie
down in green pastures; he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He
guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with
me.

Now, I attend church, and I proclaim to be no saint. I cuss too much, drive too fast, and let my spawn eat ice cream for dinner on occasion. However, I don’t have a bible verse emblazoned on my mom wagon.

Apparently what Psalm does NOT say is this: The Lord is my Shepard so I will give eye contact when someone greets me. He teaches me common courtesy to say hello to other adults who are in the room. He does not like when I make a “Hmff” sound when I see a political advertisement of a party I am not apart of. He guides me in not saying “Your kid looks nothing like you. They must look like their father.” Pause “They are so cute.” He tells me I should fear no evil, except the wrath of the other moms who are totally bitching about me when I leave the room.

I’m wondering if I need to leave my version on her windshield?!?! Don’t you hate when people talk a talk but don’t walk the walk…no matter what the subject be it religion, parenting, politics?!?! Seriously…smile and say hello is all I ask. And just for the record when she asked about my child looking like my husband that really is true. Dang it, I won a pageant when I was 4. She really didn’t call me ugly, did she!??! Because if she did, I may have to whip out my bible and beat her with it.
Mystery Guest Post #1- now go and guess who it is in comments!

(NOT)

post signature

22 comments:

Cheryl said...

I could swear this was you, Tena. I'm clueless. I need to go eat something and come back to figure it out.

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

I don't have a clue...but damn. I get that kind of crap all the time...just be nice and smile...geez, it's really asking too much...

kel said...

I don't know about the guessing part (new reader here!) but I cannot stand it when so called "religious" people are snotty and judgmental and just plain rude! I would like to think that if I saw Mary dropping Jesus off at preschool she would hang out with the other moms and say "hey, whats happenin'?"

I would love to say "ah, screw her.. who needs her?" But when people snub me like that, I tend to obsess and they become my little project.. "Love Me, Dammit!!You don't know what you're missing, lady!"

KimandCo said...

I have an acquaintance who behaves like this! I can't stand it. It's one thing to have a bad day, but when the bitchiness happens EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. it gets a little old. I just chalk it up to her being totally clueless. Or maybe just a bitch who doesn't know what she's missing out on by getting to know me!

I have no clue who the mystery writer is.

Denita said...

I think the mystery writer is Deb over at Post Cards from the Edge.....

P.S. Women like this lady, is exactly what keeps me out of church! Hypocrites I say!!!!!!!

Eudea-Mamia said...

Isn't Psalm 23 the one that is read for the dying?

Maybe she's still in mourning over the demise of her personality and sense of common courtesy.

I'm totally going with Mr. Lady at Whiskey in My Sippy Cup with this one.

Or me, but I'm pretty sure I didn't write it, even though I totally could have. Why does every school seem to have one of these chicks?

Em

Christie said...

Hi! Found your blog on Cutie Booty Cakes Blog roll. Also notice you are a SITSta so I must definitely leave you a comment but other than that, you have a great blog! Also gonna follow you on Twitter (cgccoach)! See ya around the blogosphere!

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

Okay, I think this is Annie from Cookies Conversation.

OMG I cannot stand people like this!! Ugh I say leave your version for her :)

Rochelle said...

Sorry, I don't know who the mystry guest is but I feel her pain. We have similar issues with people of a certain couple of churches in town. They have actually adopted this attitude that they are afraid of people that don't go to their churches. I am not kidding - it is really quite funny. Go ahead, stay away from us "sinners". We don't need your snobbyness anyway!

phd in yogurtry said...

I'm new here so I can't offer a guess. But I do like your writin' style, whoever you are. And yes, it rankles me greatly to see bible-thumpers snarl at the left side of the sphere. One thing I believe about Jesus? He was a liberal. He hung out with and preached about helping the disenfranchised people of his time. So many of today's "devoted" have lost the true meaning of Jesus' message.

bookstorebetty said...

I have a feeling I'm going to be really bad at this guessing game thing - there were no goiters mentioned or usages of the Mc so I think that leaves McMommy out, if she's even playing, I'm not sure.

Whoever you are, great post, I'm sorry that woman has 5 children and hope they act more like their father, assuming he's a nice guy.

jill jill bo bill said...

I love that post! And I would have to front her about noticing she had a license plate with a Bible verse. I would have to ask if she bought the car used and it already had the plate on it or if she just had issues with being friendly. But I am a bitch like that.

I guess Annie, too. (dang you amybo!)Deb has no little ones to take to school.

Renée aka Mekhismom said...

This is a hilarious post. And I am clueless about who wrote it. Love it.

Annie said...

Mother of all evil. I want the damn shirt but I don't have a freaking clue. Can you people be more obvious!?!?!?
I love that some of my readers are guessing me....I though this was pretty darn sassy and funny!

Susan in the Psych Ward said...

So funny... I have a Mom in my Bunco group who always has a snide comment about something in my house... I just can't stand her and her kids are obnoxious... perhaps when someone offers me the job of mystery blogger I can blog about her... thanks for the idea mystery blogger... and I think it's Jen from Daily Mish Mash??? It was the use of the words "dang it" that has me thinking it...

Tiffany said...

Fuck this is hard. I'm gonna guess Happy Hour Sue. Although I don't think it is. Damn Tena we need a freaking easy contest.

Bec said...

I am a new reader so I have no idea who it would be and just wanted to share because I was taking to a friend about this today. There are several mums at the playgroup in the new town I just moved to who are like this. I am new here what did I do to them to deserve to be ignored. One lady even said "oh who's is that" when my daughter entered the building one morning. I know where your coming from common courtesy doesn't hurt ANYONE!!

jill jill bo bill said...

Okay, I am cheating and changing my vote to Eudea Mamia. She is sneaky!!! And great!

Tami said...

I have no freaking clue.

I was thinking Happy Hour Sue but when I re-read it, I'm not so sure!

BacktoBarnwell said...

Smart Ass Mom? I'm with Cheryl though. If I didn't know any better, I'd think it was you too.

Insane Mama said...

Tena are you sure the first one is not you??

Tena said...

dang this is tough!!! I agree with the others, this so could be you Tena! Okay, I am going to go with Daily Mish Mash. I think I am going to suck at this game.
Oh well, it is fun just the same!