This week has not been a good blogging week for me. I have not been inspired. I have not felt funny. But mostly, I've felt like I have been holding back and censoring myself.
I know I have dropped the "f" bomb and exposed skin, so you may be thinking, she's really bad at censoring herself. I promise, it could have been much worse!
When I was first a stay at home mom- I embraced it. I was Suzy Homemaker. I cooked, I baked, I cleaned, I was barefoot and pregnant and loved it. I did crafts and went to the library every week. Here's the thing though, people grow and change.
I'm a mom. YAWN. Don't get me wrong- it's all great and good and I'm totally glad that I did it and would not change it for the world, but I'm kind of over my life revolving around my kids. My oldest is 13. They have been a great 13 years, but I miss me. For many, there may be a place for both, but I threw all of my mommy eggs in one basket for 13 years and have just become worn out. I lost so much of myself and have been trying desperately to reclaim it!
Blogging has been a venue for the real me to come out and play. I have gotten in touch with my grown up feelings and secured my place in hell by doing so, I'm sure.
I first thought I had to be a "mommy blogger" because I was a mom that blogged- I'm deep, I know! That didn't work out so much for me. That's not what's on my mind anymore. If I got together with friends, I would NOT be talking about my kids. I'm past that stage in my life.
As a result, I have transitioned into a blogger that doesn't really talk about her kids much (bad mom). I kind of like it that way (horrible mom). If something comes up with the kids that I think is blog worthy, I share it, although that might alienate even more! Case in point ,yesterday, Beebs called her brother an"asshole" - he told my husband and my husband held Beebs while she was crying (because she did feel bad and hates it when people snitch on her) and said, "Forget him, he's an asshole!"- wanna know what's worse? My husband and I had a good laugh- We totally suck and are aware of it- well, I am, he can't remember to change his underwear! I'm not good at "Jimmy came home from school today with a fever" kind of crap because it's just not me. Those kind of moms do it so much better and I will leave it to them!
You may be wondering if the malnutrition is getting to me... yes, but it's not that. I have been running into the NUMEROUS mommy bloggers around the blogosphere and Twitter and everything they write about and tweet about is their kids. None of them curse. None of their kids curse- damned do-gooders! For all I know, they home school their kids and wouldn't serve Macaroni and Cheese out of a box as a main dish for dinner- yes, I do that- sue me!
So, I want to put this out there for anyone appalled that might be stopping in for the first time...
DISCLAIMER: I am a reluctant stay at home mom nearing the end of my term. I am a recovering "Suzy Homemaker". I curse. I say what's on my mind. I hope that I say things that other people are thinking, just don't have the guts to say. I hope to make people laugh at or with me. I hope not to offend too many people, but know there have been a few and am quite certain there will be several more.
This week, I have had in my mind that I have to please all the people all the time- although I know I can't do that. I just tried to stay within a perimeter that didn't send them running. In doing so, I have been bored out of my mind with my posts!
So, if you are looking for a dysfunctional view on mothering, being a woman , and life- you may not be disappointed here. If you are still Suzy Homemaker and think that everyone should be, I might just make you want to vomit.