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This week has not been a good blogging week for me. I have not been inspired. I have not felt funny. But mostly, I've felt like I have been holding back and censoring myself.
I know I have dropped the "f" bomb and exposed skin, so you may be thinking, she's really bad at censoring herself. I promise, it could have been much worse!
When I was first a stay at home mom- I embraced it. I was Suzy Homemaker. I cooked, I baked, I cleaned, I was barefoot and pregnant and loved it. I did crafts and went to the library every week. Here's the thing though, people grow and change.
I'm a mom. YAWN. Don't get me wrong- it's all great and good and I'm totally glad that I did it and would not change it for the world, but I'm kind of over my life revolving around my kids. My oldest is 13. They have been a great 13 years, but I miss me. For many, there may be a place for both, but I threw all of my mommy eggs in one basket for 13 years and have just become worn out. I lost so much of myself and have been trying desperately to reclaim it!
Blogging has been a venue for the real me to come out and play. I have gotten in touch with my grown up feelings and secured my place in hell by doing so, I'm sure.
I first thought I had to be a "mommy blogger" because I was a mom that blogged- I'm deep, I know! That didn't work out so much for me. That's not what's on my mind anymore. If I got together with friends, I would NOT be talking about my kids. I'm past that stage in my life.
As a result, I have transitioned into a blogger that doesn't really talk about her kids much (bad mom). I kind of like it that way (horrible mom). If something comes up with the kids that I think is blog worthy, I share it, although that might alienate even more! Case in point ,yesterday, Beebs called her brother an"asshole" - he told my husband and my husband held Beebs while she was crying (because she did feel bad and hates it when people snitch on her) and said, "Forget him, he's an asshole!"- wanna know what's worse? My husband and I had a good laugh- We totally suck and are aware of it- well, I am, he can't remember to change his underwear! I'm not good at "Jimmy came home from school today with a fever" kind of crap because it's just not me. Those kind of moms do it so much better and I will leave it to them!
You may be wondering if the malnutrition is getting to me... yes, but it's not that. I have been running into the NUMEROUS mommy bloggers around the blogosphere and Twitter and everything they write about and tweet about is their kids. None of them curse. None of their kids curse- damned do-gooders! For all I know, they home school their kids and wouldn't serve Macaroni and Cheese out of a box as a main dish for dinner- yes, I do that- sue me!
So, I want to put this out there for anyone appalled that might be stopping in for the first time...
DISCLAIMER: I am a reluctant stay at home mom nearing the end of my term. I am a recovering "Suzy Homemaker". I curse. I say what's on my mind. I hope that I say things that other people are thinking, just don't have the guts to say. I hope to make people laugh at or with me. I hope not to offend too many people, but know there have been a few and am quite certain there will be several more.
This week, I have had in my mind that I have to please all the people all the time- although I know I can't do that. I just tried to stay within a perimeter that didn't send them running. In doing so, I have been bored out of my mind with my posts!
So, if you are looking for a dysfunctional view on mothering, being a woman , and life- you may not be disappointed here. If you are still Suzy Homemaker and think that everyone should be, I might just make you want to vomit.
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31 comments:
Thats why I love ya Tena. I suck at being a mom too. I feed my kid chicken nuggets and chef boyardee daily. He loves it so thats what he eats. And I fucking cuss like a mother fucker too. We are so similar. I only talk about the funny stuff my kid does. I mean my decorating and halloween obsession is so much more important. Fuck all those suzy homemakers that try to make us feel bad. Everybody is different. Me and hubby laughed our asses off when Speedy got in trouble and said don't beat my ass daddy. I couldn't have been prouder. As I always say, Fuck it!
You know you are my sister...and I get you way too much. I started my blog to get out stuff about being a mom too, oh how I had great plans...then it became a way for me to be a little more ME ME ME...I'm ok with it..and apparently the 4 people that check me out think it's ok too...
You are not a bad mom...you just are not what you THOUGHT you would be...I swear at my kids all the time...but I get more compliments about how great my kids are...all the time...from everyone.
I'm not perfect...as a matter of fact I'm prett f$ed up...but I find hope here...in your blog and in others...we are all ok...
I 'get' you. I do.
I'm a joiner. They need help for the PTO spaghetti dinner? I'm there. Church Volleyball? Count me in.
Then I get burned out and can't remember why I joined?
Here's my question:
if you are at the 'end of your term' then what's next? A job? schooling? What? I still want to volunteer and help out at school and stuff...but...?
Oh my lord!! FINALLY!!! My daughter got ticked off at my son and his friends at a party and exited the pool calling them all "Bastards!!" Luckily the hosts of said party giggled and I was able to brush it off. And in truth, they WERE being jerks! My daughter is 11, my son is 13..and they're doomed to be potty mouths. Ah well, fuck it! HA!
Well it looks like this therapy is working! You are finding yourself again. I like you just they way you are.
I doubt being a suzy homemaker is all it is cracked up to be. I wouldn't know because I am far from one. I am far from perfect but I am ME. Like me or not!
I think Beebs was a trucker in her previous life :) LOL
All you can do is do your best and be true to yourself! I enjoy your blog now give me a CNN update!
Suzy Schmoozie Floozie! My oldest started saying, "...if you weren't on the computer all day" I bet she would have said "..all fucking day..." if she was a few days older!
Mom needs an outlet, it's the least we can have for our time put in!
meant to say few 'years older'
damn brain sap
Its all good! I get you 100% I love my boys, I blog about them sometimes...but mainly my blog is about life, my pet peeves, my issues ect... I am not suzy homemaker either, never have been, never will... I love me, I love my thoughts that have little to do with my kids. My kids are still young, so my focus is more on them perhaps...but I writr about other things most of the time and I enjoy reading blogs that are not just about someones lovely children.
You can't see me, but I am giving you a standing ovation. I'm very impressed that you made it to Year 13 before cracking. I'm just going on 6, but I feel slivers of myself disappearing every day.
I'm not a suzy homemaker either. But my mother was. You know what I learned from her "perfect" ways - that nothing is perfect. And if you strive your whole life to "be perfect" at something, you are going to have a miserable time and die wondering where all the years have gone. I try to remember what I do is "perfect, for ME and my family."
As far as blogging, I have discovered that once you start writing things that you think the reader wants to read, you're missing the point to blogging, in my opinion. Let yourself loose.
Now go order a pizza for dinner and give yourself a hug!
Em
awww TENA I think you are awesome I love readin you!
I was volunteered yesterday to be lilest beans home room mom...i declined...wanna know why? it would cut into my drinkin time-i kid i kid...sorta
You were one of the first blogs I started reading hell you gave me my first award-so now IMA Slave 4U!
If it were politically correct I could blog about how lilest bean calls people N*****S yanno slang for african americans-I wish i could be as free as you are...you rock chica
Ok, now I feel like shit for posting a "kid" post just now. It involves stinky ass sheep, so I guess it doesn't count! I love reading your blog, Tena! Don't go changin' to try and please me, you never let me down before, oooo, oooo, don't imagine, your too familiar......(i was singing, get it?) ok, that was gay, sorry!
Let me wash my hands from the homemade pasta I prepared for my family and we'll sit and have a little talky. heh
Okay, I know I have told you this before, but you have done your time. Your kids and husband deserve you happy. So go back to school, take some internet classes and see what you want to do. Get a job doing somethin you have always been interested in.
I am proud of you for lasting as long as you did. I made it a fraction of that time and went back to work. I needed a little piece of myself back. You are a great mom because you are real.
Tena, please be you babe. I personally am getting tired of reading the "my life is beautiful" posts in the mommy blogger world. I myself have been told I have a "warm and fuzzy blog" but by no means do I always talk about "my perfect life." BECAUSE it doesn't exist. So please be you warts and all. I find it refreshing and I certainly can relate.
You are real life. My kids are teens. My son drops the f bomb on me, I flip him the bird! It's how we roll. He's 17 and he's the nicest kid in the world. Just has a potty mouth. My kids call Twitter "twatting". They didn't know you could bake cakes from scratch until a few years ago. Sometimes they don't have sheets on their beds...shall I go on?
More people tell me, "If my kids were as nice as yours", or "if her kids were more like yours...."
just love them and screw the Suzy Homemaker crap...do what you want to do for you...
why do you think I'm stalking you guys? those preppy bloggers are ...not me. They are nice people and some are great and real, but most, the only thing we have in common is our cable knit sweaters. I think you are awesome!
You don't make me want to vomit. You just make me wish that you were my next door neighbor!
(So... did you watch the debate? Did you make a drinking game out of it? My husband and I did and let me tell ya', that's the way to go!)
I'm not a "Suzy Home-Maker", I just know that I'd like her phone number so she would come over and clean my house because she felt so sorry for me.
I don't like to cook (I just get so anxious!), and cleaning happens when company is coming over. (I absolutely HATE IT when people come over without calling!)
What am I good for?
Man. Geez. That is actually a true question. Sorry to dump that on you Tena.
I like the blogger you best. and you can be my big rosie. even though you're so tiny. LOL
Tena---do NOT change your style for anyone. Screw that! I've been a Mom for just about 24 years now. I love being a Mom, yes. My kids are awesome but you know what? This is real life. My son, turning 13, said "That guy was a douche bag" when I got cut off in traffic the other day. Wonder where he picked up that word from? Me. Of course. I can be as polite as the Queen, but for the majority of my days, my mouth is so unfiltered, I could be a sewer in a NYC street.
I'm not a Mommy blogger. I am a Mom...but I am a woman. It took me MANY years to figure that out. I kiss and hug my kids constantly...but I also make sure there is time for me...because it goes by fast, the nest will be empty and who would I be then? You're young in my eyes...you've got time to get to the task of enjoying who you are. Some never learn that.
So, you're not alone, dammit. I don't give a flying shit what people think of me or my not-so-mommy-ish blog. Some days I have something sentimental to say, but most the time I want to rant about crap.
Don't change...I love your blog and will not comment anymore if you start getting perky and doing scrapbooking.
Let's go out for a big drink one night. Oh, that's right...you live in some other part of the country. Well, we'll have a virtual drink and swear like truck drivers.
xo
I'm stopping by for the first time (picked you up off my friend, Pia's blog). Being a mom is hard work and I agree that it's not entirely what life should be about. We are still women underneath the mommy badge. Life's ours to enjoy. BUT, kids are all consuming, especially when they're little. I am a mommy blogger and do still put up way too many pictures of my 4-year old son. I do work though. And curse (as does my child from time to time), so don't totally fit the 'Suzy homemaker' citeria. It was great to read something so refreshing and honest - I will be back for more, hopefully soon!
Sue :)
You are a normal mom. Of course you miss "you" - no one else does, so you have to pick up the slack!
I am sick of people asking me if I have 'empty nest syndrome' since my son got his own apt. at college with some roomies. Hell, no!! I ran to the garage, got boxes, started packing his room up, all while on the portable phone with him as he's telling this great news.
I laugh at you, all the time. I am actually laughing like hell right this minute.
Who cares what others think Tena. The only opinions that matter are those of us who say your funny, screw the rest of em. I love that Beebs called her brother an asshole - he probably deserved it. Most boys/men do. And cheers to you all for being such opened minded parents. (yes i said cheers with my jack daniel in my hand) I think it makes us BETTER parents because we are open minded and not stiff and structured.
SO belly up to your little podium anytime you feel the need to make us laugh. We will, I promise. Even when you may not want us to.
I can totally relate to this post for so many reasons:
1. I feed my kids Mac and Cheese out of a box at least once a week. And not the organic/fancy kind either. Usually the cheapest generic one I can find. Suck on that perfect mommy bloggers!
2. I hardly ever talk about my kids. I never post cute pictures (my husband, mom and non-blogger friends forbid me, plus they are out of the cute stage anyway).
3. I love that you validated how I've been feeling about being a state at home mom for the past couple of years. I'm pretty much over it. Not the mom part, but you know what I mean. We have to have something more in our lives or we will go insane. For me (and you), it's blogging.
Great post! Thanks for declaring yourself. Thanks for giving others like us permission to not be so perfect. :)
Finally, someone who is real. I knew there had to be more of us, but weeding through the interwebs to find us has been challenging!
Seriously, my kids are 18 and 15 and there were days when I thought I would gladly sell them to the next gypsy camp that strolled through my town. They've lived through weeks where all there was to eat in the house was cereal. They've watched too much television. I never played cars or Barbies with them. I taught them to swear, and they're damned good at it, thank you.
And what's more, they're real people too. They're funny and smart and, in spite of my best efforts, pretty awesome.
So welcome to the club of the non-doers. We're not at all elite. And you don't have to take your shoes off to enter.
My main goal when I started blogging was to not be a "mommy" blogger. I try to keep those kinds of posts to a minimum. I'm with ya Tena!! I'm on a quest to get back to "me" too!
I get it. Many of us are in the same boat. I wouldn't change my time home with my kids for anything/ I WANTED to be home with them. Now, I'm ready to be "me" again and figure out what I want to do with my life.
Being ready to move on from Suzy Homemaker doesn't make you a bad mom; it makes you SANE!
~Christy
HOLY COW...I think you are perfect! LOL I do post about my kids, especially the little one, why him? He's the one who gives me more to post about...usually something that I'm pissed off about, or should be pissed off about, but instead I'm laughing my ass off! I've been told by more than one person (probably close to a hundred, lol) that he's just like me...LOOK OUT WORLD! LOL
I'm the farthest thing from Suzy Homemaker too! I actually baked freakin' homemade banana bread the other day and EVERYONE kept asking me if it was really from scratch because I uh, don't bake, LOL That was a total screw up tho...now they expect that shit, already asking me to buy bananas and make more...damn, when will I learn!? I was just trying to get rid of those last three freakin' bananas!
I've done the whole volunteering out the ass thing, I'm tapped out....just as the school...they used to be able to call me for ANYTHING...now, since this is the kids last year, they know I'm done, LOL Sad, I know...but well, I will do what is expected of me, but don't ask for much more, I'm mentally not there anymore!
Anyway, just wanted to say that I TOTALLY GET YOU GIRL! And freakin' glad I found you too!
I've been MIA in blog land for awhile, and have been meaning to comment here for the past few days.
I totally dig your disclaimer... and will continue to feed your blogging addiction because you're one super funny chick!
Hope you don't mind that people like me are the total straight laced, family blogger type. In real life I curse like a sailor and am as raunchy as the rest of the bunch. But in my bloggy life, because it's read by SO many family and friends, I have to keep it relatively squeaky clean.
Takes all kinds, huh?
Now see I just found you, and have no kids (but still find them funny as long as they are someone else's kids), work too hard, play too hard and generally waste an inordinate amount of time--
and this post I just read is why I will be back.
Your blog is not a public service, it is what you NEED it to be (which may be why no one reads mine!)
If my children were older than 3 and 1 I would swear my behind off. I'm just waiting until they stop repeating every-fucking-thing I say. Plus - I don't bake anything!
I loved this post!
I have felt the same way as you. Although my blog is pretty much completely about my kids...well, my daughter....I have often found myself wanting to write more "raw" posts....but since most of the moms around me have very young kids, I've realized that its not considered "ok" to be a mom who swears, wears "I love my big tatas" t-shirts to drop her kids off at school, and would rather sleep in each morning than get up and cook a "hearty" breakfast for her kids.
I still yo-yo between wanting to be that Suzy Homemaker type...I find myself watching my 2 year old son and thinking "Oh how serene and lovely is this?!" and feeling like I wouldn't want to trade this for anything....but then again, when he is throwing toys and being a total butt, I also find myself thinking "where did I put that muzzle?" and counting the days until I can shove him off to school with his sister....which is something I can't readily admit to certain people for fear of them coming to string me up a tree.
I think its great that you are using YOUR blog to express your thoughts as they happen, whether its peaceful bliss or domestic insanity....its all rolled into one anyway and whoever denies that is on some seriously heavy meds....in my not-very-humble opinion.
I'm hoping that once my kids get older and don't "need" me as much, I will be able to reclaim myself too. Until then, I try my best to inject my humor into as many situations as I can. And judging from the weird crap that comes out of my daughter's mouth on an average day, I must be doing ok. lol
No need for the disclaimer. People read your blog BECAUSE you're not the happy little homemaker type. It reminds us that being a mom doesn't mean your life is all kids all the time. Thanks for keeping it real!
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