Honest Crap

I love awards! I am a needy, blog attention whore- aren't we all? I have seen awards out in the blogosphere and, sadly, my name is NEVER mentioned! Apparently, there are no awards for "Overuse of the Word 'So'"
"Best Husband Bashing"
"Most Likely To Be Institutionalized"
"Least Likely to Win a Contest, Follow Contest Rules, Take a Great Picture, or Scrapbook"

... so I'm thinking I'm shit out of luck! Frankly, I don't really qualify for any of the real awards like...

Breakthrough Performance
I don't think I've broken anything except a few rules.
Best Group Performance
Well, if we're talking blogs- it's just me!
Best Comedic Performance
I'm really not that funny, just honest!
Best use of a Cuss word
I use cuss words, but not to their full potential!
Best Supporting Blogger
I'm currently boycotting bras- no support here!
Blog of the Year
Peoples Choice Award
These are just a lot of to live up to- and I'm really not that ambitious!
Best “What the heck was THAT?” moment
I have blogged about tampons and my step mom in the same post, but I think I was drunk, does that still count?
Best Bromance and Romance
Best Villain
These? I have no fucking idea what these mean- these are blogs not gay porn or comic books!

Anyhoo, I did get recognized by the AIB- The Academy of Independent Bloggers (yes, I just made that up, fuck off, I'm desperate!)... consisting of Mommablogsalot and Heinous - yes 2 people-which means I REALLY deserve it (I'm told!)

So here are the award’s rules:

Write a post about the award, link back to the person who gave you the award.
Nominate at least 7 other blogs.
Add links to those blogs on your blog.
Leave a message for the nominees on their blogs.
Name 10 honest random things about yourself.

So, since I suck at rules, I thought I'd use a really small font and break them! I spew so much honest shit on this blog- you can understand how hard it is to come up with new stuff I haven't written about!

I decided to turn to the funniest person I know. A real life friend- shut up, I have them! Someone I met in college. Someone who remembers EVERYTHING and asked her for some dirt about me... (names and places may have been changed to protect their identity and my security!)

"You don't really have any bad qualities that I can remember, unless you consider sexual indiscretion bad." No, I totally don't!

"I remember the time you and someone were doing it on the top bunk in yours and "Sally's" room and your feet kept clanking the silverware container that for some reason you kept at the end of the bed?" It was "Sally's" step brother and who knows when you'll need a spoon or fork- always good to have them handy!

"Letting "Jen" bully you out of going to Florida with us for Spring Break, so instead she brought her hillbilly sister who stole mine and "Sarah's" money on the trip and then blamed it on the maid." I'm really a pussy- I paid for that trip and the hillbilly went in my place!!!

"Groove is in the Heart, baby! We said you looked like the girl from Dee-Lite. And you dressed and danced like her too." Translation: you dressed like a slut and can't dance!

"We stole 'Sally's' beloved stuffed animal, Marty, and threw him in her fridge. Someone also wrote 'shave the pits, Chubbs!' in reference to her after our 'who can go the longest without showering' contest, which you probably had a hand in." Yes, that was me. It was wrong- she drunkenly confessed that as a kid she was teased by her brother and called "Chubs". Plus, she hadn't shaved her pits in weeks- so really she was asking for it! Incidentally, "Sally" won that contest because she went an entire week wearing a black sweatshirt and polka dot leggings AND had sex during that time! We were so ahead of our time- that contest was Pre-Seinfeld!

You always called "Cindy" a "Saddy", because she drove you nuts. God, did she drive me nuts! So damn whiny and she ate canned hominey- WTF?

We'd always call that crazy 'Susie' from down the hall to tell her she had a package waiting for her at the front desk, and then watch her run down the hall all happy to get it, and mope back to her room afterward. (TOO MEAN!) In my defense, I only watched and laughed.

Thanks K, for the stumble down memory lane!