Monday, February 16, 2009

yet untitled

I feel an obligation of writing something worth reading- something observant, witty or clever. It's been an effortful endeavor, as of late. Unfortunately, I'm not finding humor in many things- nothing worth sharing that isn't discouraging. The optimism is a cloak covering an agonizing ache of an unavailing existence. I feel a sort of transgression in merriment- a phoniness. I hope it passes. I pray for a resolution.

The daunting task of familiar everyday functions has become strife. A thankless, unacknowledged, hollow entity can only persevere so long before it cracks. It's weakening.

Bids at fortitude turn futile- feeling like failure. Ordinary is bewildering. I am determined to find a dutiful direction. I will approach it with all the fervor I can muster. Until then, I will hope.



post signature

25 comments:

jill jill bo bill said...

Okay, you should have videoed yourself saying that very deep thought on a barstool on stage with black clothing and sunglasses. I would be the loudest snapper there. Seriously. That was beautiful.

Paige said...

That so sounds how I feel lately.

Hang in there

momcat said...

You sound just like a mom with 4 kids trying to get them all to adulthood without losing your mind. Hang in there - you are not alone and we all without exception feel like that a lot of the time.

Carebear said...

You'll get there. In the meantime, while you're hoping, stay up late with some chocolate and a good glass(or 2... or 5) of wine. Let hubby get up with the kids while you sleep in. It won't make your problems go away, but it makes wallowing in self pity more enjoyable! Hugs!

Deb said...

it WILL pass... or at least go underground. that's what i have found. dump on us for a while. it might do some good.

Under the Influence said...

Hang in there. It seems there is a lot of this going around, including me. I am looking forward to spring, some sun and some good old fashioned vitamin D from that sun!

Ronda's Rants said...

I am so sorry...it sounds like "Shit happened all over you!"
I need sunshine to help me over rough times...easier in Florida probably!
Find some "Sunshine!" I love reading your blog no matter what!

Soxy Deb said...

Seriously, I agree with Jill, but I think you need a cigg and a cup of joe to complete the look.


But if you need to talk T, just let me know. I'm available 24/7.

Mrs Parks said...

I think your pretty :)

amelia bedelia said...

Wow, Tena, I was thinking I was reading Shakespear there for a minute. Great. I have no big words to respond to that, you took them all.

Jenni Jiggety said...

That was heavy...

because I said so said...

someone's been using the thesaurus...

I feel the same way...I haven't posted in almost a week because life sucks and then you die...bad attitude betty here

Piece o' Coconut Cake said...

Gah. At least you've lost seven lbs. I gained .5 while away...

Brittany said...

Oh sweets, that was deep and emotional. I just hope you get to the place you want to be very soon, and just think, you will already be skinnier when you get there.

HappyHourSue said...

Blog block, been there.
Sucky stretch, been there.
Husband who says "I work my ass off - what do you do all day"....SO been there.

PLEASE come visit "your college friend in Chicago" this July- it's gonna be so therapeutic.

Sometimes we have to do stuff for US., as someone from Blissdom said, "choices that support your soul...sometimes at the expense of others' needs."

Eudea-Mamia said...

Please head straight to the store and by yourself some flowers. Honest. Preferrably something with a good stink. They can do wonders for the mood, plus no calories to add to the issues.

If it makes you feel any better, I had to look up a couple of words from your post. Very well done. I hear you more than you can possibly know. Em

kel said...

I've been in a funky mood lately too. I hope you feel better soon.. hang in there. (insert photo of kitty hanging from a tree branch with on paw.)

ps. my word verification word is "zardical"... I think I love that word. It's totally zardical.

please excuse my feeble attempts to cheer you up!

Tiffany said...

Damn Tena! I didn't know what half those words meant. Does saying you sound super smart make you feel better? Do you need to go to "the box" again? Just let me know.

Lee of MWOB said...

Wow Tena - that was so poetic and beautiful. In all of its agony. But you sure sound alive and filled with feeling and good words coming out of your fingertips to the keys.

Sounds like you need to win another giveaway. I'm giving away healthy juice this week - want some??

You KNOW you'll win.

:-)

Deb said...

Tena,

I am so sorry you are having a tough time. Email anytime.

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

I'm at loss for words. You expressed some pretty deep sentiments…almost like King David writing Psalms. Hope that it does get better for you. Take some time to kick back and relax. Sometimes a good dive under the covers works wonders.

Mary Moore said...

Sending happy vibes your way. Chin up, buttercup.

Jen said...

Why does everything have to be witty or clever? Sometimes honesty is what is needed. And this beautifully written post is just that.

Trust me when I say that you are not alone in these feelings. I won't go into the details but just know that when I read this (ok so I had to read it twice because of all the big words--lol) I feel like I could have written it myself (except that I couldn't have because of all the big words).

Hopefully things will start looking up soon. :)

Threeboys1mommy said...

WHOT!??! I demand to know what diet pills you're taking, I may need to take some to understand this ;-)

Oh honey, I'm sorry you're sad... (if that is what you're trying to say here) Let me know if there is anything I can do for you... uhm... I can send you beads on facebook... uhm... I can e-mail you... OH and there's always Twitter.

Momo Fali said...

Damn. I hear you honey. Sometimes optimism totally weighs me down.