Drunk and late

My Dear NyQuil,

The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, and fever medicine, so you can get a good night's sleep... thank you, but you sell yourself short- you're so much more than that!

First, you're not just for nighttime, let's be honest, I've been wasted on your multi-symptom relief cherry flavor since this afternoon! Your advertisers failed to mention that, in addition to not feeling my scruffy raw sore throat that I would also not feel my toes. I have forgotten I have a fever and that I had kids, for that matter! I am floating on a big sloshed Vick's puffy cloud!

The same active ingredient found in Meth- can be bought over the counter for about $6- I thank you and your marketing geniuses! I was able to do my taxes with a smile on my face (they will probably be rejected by the IRS, since I was inebriated and all, but nonetheless they're done and I didn't kill anyone.) Anyway, I'm sure that there are plenty of alcoholic accountants out there that do that shit all the time, right?

I am so smitten with your ability to disguise my being three sheets to the wind with 'being sick'. I don't even care that it's almost Wednesday as I'm writing this Tuesday's Tribute.

I only have one question- are you high in calories? There's no nutritional values on your label and I was just wondering? Cuz you see, I'm on this diet and they say you should feed a cold and starve a fever, but I have a cold and a fever- so, as you can see, I'm really in a quandary here! I am also really hungry and really drunk.

I honestly wrote this after a day's worth of swigging NyQuil and that last sentence I swear I typed 'westion' instead of question 8 times!!!

Earlier, under the influence, I thought I was all invincible and shit and sadly there was no one here to take the keyboard away from me and say 'no you cannot drive that fucking email, dude'... so I sent it to a 4th grade mom who e-mailed me earlier and asked if she could bring in the ice cream for the kids' Mardi Gras party- she just sent me a response of thanks and that's when I saw what I sent her...

no one has none brought in ice cream yet yeah- you can have i I ll mark you
downt!
for it.
thanksd.,
Tans

I'm soo showing her my boobs at that 4th grade Mardi Gras party! What do I have to lose? I mean, what does Tans have to lose? That fucking lush! Hopefully in the morning I wil be back to normal, well, the NyQuil would have worn off anyway.