Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Ruining My Reputation as a Bad Ass

Truth be known, something that I rarely like to share with people for risk of tarnishing my slacker, Beta Mom, negative, narcissistic existence... I am a kiss ass cook. (I just mistyped I am a kick ass cock- that really may have sent the wrong message!)

It's an inherent skill that I received from my mom. Also a Beta Mom in her day- my sister and I were really just in the way! We were pretty poor and my mom worked a lot. My sister and I survived on cereal, canned goods (or anything that we could prepare ourselves in the microwave), and boxed chocolate frosted Hostess donuts (still a weakness of ours!)

My mom remarried when I was about 13. A man that had more money than we had ever known existed. All of a sudden, the bills were being paid. The broken hinges were being fixed. The leaky faucet stopped dripping. And we had food! Don't get me wrong, we never starved- I'm 95% sure that us being REALLY skinny was just genetics!

That's when it happened. When we discovered that my mom could cook something other than french toast and those god-awful hamburgers that she added Lipton onion soup mix to and rolled in a ball and they kept that shape and NEVER fit on a bun (imagine golf ball on a hamburger bun), meanwhile the grease was running down our stickly little arms!

She started whipping up Pot Roasts, killer turkeys with all the fixin's, hearty vegetable soups, stuffed green peppers, and beef briskets in a rich gravy. They were all good and we were all very confused! Just more evidence to prove that the bad economy is making us fat!


Little did I know, until I was married, that this is a trade that I, too, have acquired. My kids are picky as hell and don't appreciate my cooking. My husband thinks I am the best cook (he's not picky, really likes to eat and doesn't have the highest standards, for example: his favorite childhood meal was his mom's 'spaghetti' (and I use that term lightly) consisting of canned tomato soup and American cheese and his dad's "famous" potato soup: ingredients potatoes, water and milk!!!) I guess the fact that he thinks I'm a good cook doesn't speak volumes- but I really am!

I have never used a jar of spaghetti sauce- always from scratch. Spices are my best friend in the kitchen. Don't let the fact that every 3 weeks, the only thing I cook is chicken nuggets, macaroni and cheese, pizza and hot dogs fool you! My husband works nights every 3 weeks so it's not worth my troubles.

Lately, in the household economic crisis crunch we've been trapped in- we have not been eating out and I've been whipping out my mad culinary skills like in the olden, pre 4 kids, honeymoon phase of life. Last night a tuna tetrazini- from scratch!

I made this Creamy Chicken Wild Rice Soup for my son's birthday and it was freaking awesome! This trough was a TRIPLE BATCH, but the single batch was much simpler! And both were completely GONE!!! Not a diet soup, by the way.


I made this turkey on Thursday and then, Friday, made a turkey noodle soup with the carcass- yum carcass soup- but it was good!

So love me or hate me for it- it's a curse! And I bake!


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27 comments:

Sticky (not too) said...

OMG Dude! Me too!
Do you really think it makes us less cool? Crap. just when I thought i was on my was to badassery...

(i bake home made cinnamon rolls for my son's preschool - geek)

Threeboys1mommy said...

I'll never be as good as my mom is, but I do try. I have lost my sense of smell so that doesn't help much either, and I would never have the balls to attempt a big ol' turkey! Turkey noodle is my fave!

Twisted Lisa said...

I'm a kickass cook...I'm sure Ex Mr. Twisted is missing it. He is surviving on burgers and cigarettes (he said that he quit for me...but he told his darling daughter that he quit for her) oh well,

I am having a great time NOT COOKING. But I can't wait to get my kitchen stuff back!

Melissa said...

That turkey is making my mouth water.

I pretend I don't know how to cook, but every now and then I screw up and make something that is kick ass. Then my plan is ruined and I have to work hard to get the cat back in the bag.
I hate to cook if you can't tell :P

Julia@SometimesLucid said...

I think cooking is VERY cool! I actually like you even better for it.

Deb said...

i have to admit, i am a little disappointed in you.

but the fact that your hands automatically type cock redeems you in my eyes. for now.

Under the Influence said...

I also love to cook, but I don't like to bake. I don't cook enough because I hate trying to DECIDE what to cook. I wish someone would just say every day "I am hungry for...." Today I will be making Jambalaya since I had to work last night for Fat Tuesday and missed our annual Fat Tuesday dinner!

Jen said...

darn it I wanna be able to cook - I can still screw up grilled cheese. I'll be coming to you for advice from now on.

Dorsey said...

If you've spent ANY time at my blog, you know I LOVE to experiment in my cooking. The hubby LOVES it all, the kids rarely partake. When I was first married someone gave me pots and pans and everyone picked on me and said "these are to cook in, not store take out"...well, lock at me now bitches! I can cook like Tena! hehe

Julie said...

Oh, you just threw down with that one. Now you have to invite us all over to PROVE IT.

What time shall I arrive?

Minxy Mimi said...

Cooking is an art form, IMO! I can cook too, not as much from scratch, but my food is always tasty, flavorful and not bland. You are lucky you can make food thats good for your family to eat. That turkey looks so good!!!

Brittany said...

WOOT! I love to cook also, and it was quite an adjustment for my hubby, as he came from a family who NEVER cooked.

Baking...now that I suck at. Plus, I hear it totally ruins your street cred!

Annie said...

Loves cooking here too!

You lost me at TUNA,though!

Mary Moore said...

Wow. I am very impressed.

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

I don't know where I got my skills because my mom has a habit of burning things, but I can handle my own in the kitchen too.

Tiaras and Tantrums said...

great post - I love to cook too - like really cook - I dated a chef in my early 20's and he taught me a lot and then my brother decided to be a chef - so I LOVE to cook - I just wish my kids would eat the yummy stuff I make - they do love all my baked goods though!

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

I love to cook...but I don't do complicated...and EVERYONE in my family is picky...Ok...well my son and husband, my daughter is pretty well rounded, but if she doesn't like it, she's not going to eat it, so I alwasy keep canned soups on hand.

but...I do love to cook.

Southern Sage said...

I just need an invite to supper!
(I'm like hubs about being picky, you don't get a body like mine by being a picky eater!!)

Soxy Deb said...

When my kids were young, I didn't like to cook and therefore Mike did most of the cooking. I think I 'didn't like it' because I felt like I HAD TO. Now that I can cook whatever and whenever, I thoroughly enjoy it. And who knew I would be so damn good at it? Not me that's for sure, but I am. I still, however, do not like to bake. Not at all. That may be because I don't really like sweets though.
You should come to my place in April with the other girls and then YOU could do all the cooking. I'm so nice, I would let you. Really.

The Kitchen said...

I am a new addict to your blog!

Momma loves to cook too right here in The Kitchen! Problem is, Momma likes to eat, too.....

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

Well maybe that is why you are losing weight. You actually can cook unlike me I can't cook worth a shit so I eat a bunch of crap instead.

I am impressed! Seriously! I am more like you Hubby's parents when I cook if you add burnt to every recipe.

Lee of MWOB said...

I don't hate you but I want to be you!! I need help in the kitchen - it's no secret. I'm much better at baking but I'm scared to admit it after reading Brittany saying it ruins my street cred. :-)

Susan in the Psych Ward said...

I love to cook too.... I prefer to bake... but with giving the sugar up for Lent, not gonna happen for 6 weeks! Hub's mom's spaghetti..... Lawry's seasoning mix... UGH! My mom always made her own sauce, and the first time I was at his mom's house and ate it..... I thought, yeah, he's gonna think I'm the best damn cook EVAH!!!!

Manic Mom said...

I cook better then Paula Deen, but I bake like Bety Crock-of-shit!!!!

michelle said...

cooking is bad ass as long as you don't wear an apon and you toss in a litle spice.

Baking... now that can ruin your rep right there.

Tiffany said...

Holy shit! Man did I pick the right bloggy lesbian lover or what?

I can cook only a few dishes that are pretty awesome. But I can bake like a mofo.

Mrs4444 said...

Tena, last night, I made a KILLER chicken spaghetti that my entire family loved. Go to my cooking blog if you want the recipe-it was GREAT!