Ruining My Reputation as a Bad Ass

Truth be known, something that I rarely like to share with people for risk of tarnishing my slacker, Beta Mom, negative, narcissistic existence... I am a kiss ass cook. (I just mistyped I am a kick ass cock- that really may have sent the wrong message!)

It's an inherent skill that I received from my mom. Also a Beta Mom in her day- my sister and I were really just in the way! We were pretty poor and my mom worked a lot. My sister and I survived on cereal, canned goods (or anything that we could prepare ourselves in the microwave), and boxed chocolate frosted Hostess donuts (still a weakness of ours!)

My mom remarried when I was about 13. A man that had more money than we had ever known existed. All of a sudden, the bills were being paid. The broken hinges were being fixed. The leaky faucet stopped dripping. And we had food! Don't get me wrong, we never starved- I'm 95% sure that us being REALLY skinny was just genetics!

That's when it happened. When we discovered that my mom could cook something other than french toast and those god-awful hamburgers that she added Lipton onion soup mix to and rolled in a ball and they kept that shape and NEVER fit on a bun (imagine golf ball on a hamburger bun), meanwhile the grease was running down our stickly little arms!

She started whipping up Pot Roasts, killer turkeys with all the fixin's, hearty vegetable soups, stuffed green peppers, and beef briskets in a rich gravy. They were all good and we were all very confused! Just more evidence to prove that the bad economy is making us fat!


Little did I know, until I was married, that this is a trade that I, too, have acquired. My kids are picky as hell and don't appreciate my cooking. My husband thinks I am the best cook (he's not picky, really likes to eat and doesn't have the highest standards, for example: his favorite childhood meal was his mom's 'spaghetti' (and I use that term lightly) consisting of canned tomato soup and American cheese and his dad's "famous" potato soup: ingredients potatoes, water and milk!!!) I guess the fact that he thinks I'm a good cook doesn't speak volumes- but I really am!

I have never used a jar of spaghetti sauce- always from scratch. Spices are my best friend in the kitchen. Don't let the fact that every 3 weeks, the only thing I cook is chicken nuggets, macaroni and cheese, pizza and hot dogs fool you! My husband works nights every 3 weeks so it's not worth my troubles.

Lately, in the household economic crisis crunch we've been trapped in- we have not been eating out and I've been whipping out my mad culinary skills like in the olden, pre 4 kids, honeymoon phase of life. Last night a tuna tetrazini- from scratch!

I made this Creamy Chicken Wild Rice Soup for my son's birthday and it was freaking awesome! This trough was a TRIPLE BATCH, but the single batch was much simpler! And both were completely GONE!!! Not a diet soup, by the way.


I made this turkey on Thursday and then, Friday, made a turkey noodle soup with the carcass- yum carcass soup- but it was good!

So love me or hate me for it- it's a curse! And I bake!