very wrong

My new obsession with blogging from the hospital is wrong on so many levels. How do I count the ways?

I'm bored in the hospital room- it's cold as hell and I'm over watching The Cops Marathon- so I go down the hall for "a breath of fresh air".

The highlight of my night last night was walking through the hospital hallway so he could stretch his legs while I was pulling my husband's IV thingy- who says chivalry's dead? It was practically like holding hands! I'm over it- so I go out "for a walk."

He kept farting- it was pretty funny. He also insisted that he was all better after his flatulence laps and could go home- WRONG ANSWER JACK ASS! You are getting this fixed. I'll be damned if I lose anymore beauty sleep from your stomach aches!

I am sick of reassuring my husband that he doesn't have cancer- that's not that I'm being mean- he REALLY doesn't have cancer!
Don't get me wrong- if he did, that would be awful, but he doesn't. He just has a very anxious over-active Munchhausen imagination and pancreatitus and he may have to have his gallbladder removed- as much as that sucks- IT IS NOT CANCER, CRAZY MAN!

The room closest to my beloved hospital computer has a man that has one of those Larynx boxes that makes him sound like a robot and though I'm sad for him- he talks an awful lot and it's freaking me out! Shouldn't he just be resting?

When my husband's nurses pass me when I'm sitting at this computer, I'm afraid the jig is up up and they're going to turn me in.

When other people pass me and I am typing like it's nobody's business, in my mind's eye, I am making up an elaborate story that I work for a very popular publication and have a deadline that must be met. My laptop got lost on the plane.

I brought an egg mcmuffin in for breakfast. My husband is on a an IV and just got a cup of chicken broth to start his "all liquid diet"- was that incompassionate? Don't answer that.

Last night, I went home to "get a good night's sleep" and like a drug addict- next thing I noticed I was TWITTERING! Good God- what have I become?

In all seriousness, he's feeling better and thanks for all of your well wishes (for me, not him, well, Ok, him too!). He REALLY thinks he is good enough to go home. Luckily, I mean, unfortunately, he has to get the gallbladder removed and his current state of euphoria is from the fasting and antibiotic he's been receiving. I just got read the riot act from him for NOT bringing my kids up to see him. Sorry, that was probably inconsiderate of me... I was thinking this was a vacation for me- my bad... so, now I must go retrieve my kids from my sister's house so I don't look like a total ass and I will probably return to do more inappropriate blogging!