Clairvoyance and Latex

Alrighty, as promised, it's Monday and it's time for my Halloween rap up. Regardless of my husband being layed up (not to be confused with being laid) in a hospital bed possibly preparing for a gallbladder surgery (note to self: next hospital stay CANNOT take place during the weekend- apparently doctors don't answer surgical consults unless the organ in question has jumped outside of the body!)and my children being back in my possession (Pancreatitus Vacation Break 2008 has officially ended) and I'm sitting at my lame old dinky sized non-hospital computer monitor- I am a woman of my word.

Cue the harps and fuzzy squiggly flashback screen... doodoooloooloodooolooo (setting up a flashback- just in case that was unclear)...Remember my excerpt from pre- trick or treating on Friday...

I am attempting to dress up like a sexy nurse. My new header inspired me- we'll see how that goes, best case scenario, I might look skanky. I will also be dressing up my dog because this is my first Halloween with a dog and I'm a dork! Certainly crappy pictures to follow from our festivities.

I will now dissect...

I am attempting to dress up like a sexy nurse...

Best case scenario, I might look skanky... Now, I honestly didn't think I looked that skanky- hell, I was trick or treating with my 4 kids, my nieces and nephews, my mom, dad, husband and sister- I was convinced that this was a rated G (PG-13 at BEST) costume- maybe my large glass of wine that had to be refilled numerous times skewed my judgement.

I had 4 middle aged hot men fake needing medical attention, 2 dirty looks from Alpha moms dressed in quilted pumpkin and ghost vests, and 1 wine refill from a drunk friendly neighbor who couldn't take his eye off of my cleavage stethoscope.

Here's where the clairvoyance comes in...

At that point, I could chalk up my prediction of being skanky to pretty damn close... BUT WAIT...and if I'm lying, may I become allergic to chocolate, sex, shoes, and blogging... A black cavalier filled with teenage boys yelled out the window as they passed us... SKANK!

Skank:
One who is disgustingly foul or filthy and often considered sexually promiscuous. Used especially of a woman or girl.

Let's see, the little Victorian Princess? No. Frankenstein? No. The skeleton? No. The freaky gargoyle? Certainly not. The devil? Frighteningly possessed and reason to be concerned, yes, but skanky, no. Oh yeah! They were totally talking to me!

My dear, out of touch, ignorant (and I mean that in the sweetest possible way) mother thought "skank" was a compliment, and God love her, I wish she was right. She was hooting and hollering that "those boys" thought "I was hot". No, mom- skanky is not hot, but thanks anyway.

McMommy, now that is HOT! She could clearly teach me a few things. Like how to not cross the line from sexy to skanky! Maybe it was the latex. OH MY GAH- that shit is hot and not sexy McMommy hot, but sweaty boobs, skanky hot! Maybe the trick is stilettos. McMommy- show me the way...

After all, she owes me- she stole her costume from my dog...

Minus the stilettos.