Sunday, November 2, 2008

Clairvoyance and Latex

Alrighty, as promised, it's Monday and it's time for my Halloween rap up. Regardless of my husband being layed up (not to be confused with being laid) in a hospital bed possibly preparing for a gallbladder surgery (note to self: next hospital stay CANNOT take place during the weekend- apparently doctors don't answer surgical consults unless the organ in question has jumped outside of the body!)and my children being back in my possession (Pancreatitus Vacation Break 2008 has officially ended) and I'm sitting at my lame old dinky sized non-hospital computer monitor- I am a woman of my word.

Cue the harps and fuzzy squiggly flashback screen... doodoooloooloodooolooo (setting up a flashback- just in case that was unclear)...Remember my excerpt from pre- trick or treating on Friday...

I am attempting to dress up like a sexy nurse. My new header inspired me- we'll see how that goes, best case scenario, I might look skanky. I will also be dressing up my dog because this is my first Halloween with a dog and I'm a dork! Certainly crappy pictures to follow from our festivities.

I will now dissect...


I am attempting to dress up like a sexy nurse...



Best case scenario, I might look skanky... Now, I honestly didn't think I looked that skanky- hell, I was trick or treating with my 4 kids, my nieces and nephews, my mom, dad, husband and sister- I was convinced that this was a rated G (PG-13 at BEST) costume- maybe my large glass of wine that had to be refilled numerous times skewed my judgement.


I had 4 middle aged hot men fake needing medical attention, 2 dirty looks from Alpha moms dressed in quilted pumpkin and ghost vests, and 1 wine refill from a drunk friendly neighbor who couldn't take his eye off of my cleavage stethoscope.


Here's where the clairvoyance comes in...


At that point, I could chalk up my prediction of being skanky to pretty damn close... BUT WAIT...and if I'm lying, may I become allergic to chocolate, sex, shoes, and blogging... A black cavalier filled with teenage boys yelled out the window as they passed us... SKANK!



Skank:
One who is disgustingly foul or filthy and often considered sexually promiscuous. Used especially of a woman or girl
.


Let's see, the little Victorian Princess? No. Frankenstein? No. The skeleton? No. The freaky gargoyle? Certainly not. The devil? Frighteningly possessed and reason to be concerned, yes, but skanky, no. Oh yeah! They were totally talking to me!


My dear, out of touch, ignorant (and I mean that in the sweetest possible way) mother thought "skank" was a compliment, and God love her, I wish she was right. She was hooting and hollering that "those boys" thought "I was hot". No, mom- skanky is not hot, but thanks anyway.

McMommy, now that is HOT! She could clearly teach me a few things. Like how to not cross the line from sexy to skanky! Maybe it was the latex. OH MY GAH- that shit is hot and not sexy McMommy hot, but sweaty boobs, skanky hot! Maybe the trick is stilettos. McMommy- show me the way...

After all, she owes me- she stole her costume from my dog...


Minus the stilettos.

post signature

39 comments:

Brooks said...

Fabulous Halloween costumes!!

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

Hell No...they did not yell that at YOU...I think it was adorable, and teenage boys would have loved to have you nurse them back to health...I would have thrown a rock...but that's just me.

Marvin D. Wilson said...

Look pretty damn sexy to ME girlfriend! LOL Just the RIGHT touch of skank (smile)

First time visitor, followed ya over from The Daily Blond blog. Love your blog, I'll be back fo sho.

Marvin blogs at Free Spirit: http://inspiritandtruths.blogspot.com/
Eye Twitter 2 - http://twitter.com/Paize_Fiddler

Deb said...

i think you look rather classy. you sure they weren't talking about mr. soon to be hospitalized frankenstein?

Rochelle said...

You looked GREAT! What do loser teenage boys know anyway? Awsome costumes for all including the dog. Great post. And I am totally jealous of that ever-full giant glass of wine.

WayneJohn said...

Aw nah, that's sexy! I think I have issues with my bandages, can you help?

Soxy Deb said...

I know skank, and that my friend is not skank. Those boys are too young to know what the word really means. Maybe if you had been carrying that dictionary with you, you could have thrown it at, er, TO them so they would know the difference.

You looked hot Tenakim, not skanky.

Hope the hubby does well with the surgery!!

HappyHourSue said...

Jeez, I've always taken "skank" as a compliment...huh.

You looked fabulous and sexy - LOL at the alpha mom description. It's so cold here, our alpha moms wear Halloween sweaters with pumpkins and black cats.

The Mom said...

You looked GORGEOUS! Just like your header!!

McMommy said...

I seriously CANNOT STOP LAUGHING!!! This was hands down the FUNNIEST Halloween post I've ever read!!!!!

The quilted vest thing...OMG! I'm dying over here!!! THE WHOLE POST--HYSTERICAL!!

I need to go tell the world about your post. (And NO..not just because you called me hot.)

Marie said...

SO, just found you thru someones blog and I added you right to my blog-roll..YES ..you were that funny and TOTALLY made my day..
BTW, I got "the-gall" surgery in Aug..and it was a wonderful LORTAB induced weekend..I would be calling NO FAIR to my hubby..
L,Marie

Honeybell said...

I totally want to borrow that costume, to wear to work at the hospital.

C said...

Oh, stop it! You look HOT and you know it! :)

~Christy

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

So I see you did see me out trick or treating in my quilted vest. I was only giving you that look because I was jealous I could not look Hot in a costume and was stuck wearing my damn quilted vest. But Whatev!!

I think I would take Skank as a compliment, I mean the only compliment I get is "My Grandma has that same vest!" Skanky is good, I think we all have a inner Skank somewhere!!

YOU LOOK GREAT!!

Piece o' Coconut Cake said...

I think it was the bows on your stockings, Tena, that did you in...

mommablogsalot said...

Oh my gosh that puppy costume is too cute and I think you pulled off the Sexy Nurse very well - teenage boys have never been known for their politeness or knowledge of the dictionary, maybe they thought it was a compliment, too?

Heinous said...

Bah, they're just jealous. You look fine. I saw twelve-year olds wearing less. They weren't drinking wine, but I'm sure yours was a nice vintage.

Annie said...

You skank, You look HOT! Are you trying to get the BILF award or what!?!?!

Eudea-Mamia said...

I'm impressed the teenage boys even knew the word skank - how do you think they IM that?

SKAK?

SKNK?

I think you looked adorable. You so missed your chance to make a little money around the hospital while you were killing time - you know, singing telegram!

What were you thinking?

Em

Blessings From Above said...

I think you look totally hot! And not skanky in the least. If you've got, work it. And YOU girlfriend have got it going on! ;)

Jenni Jiggety said...

They yelled Skank at you? I am scandalized! Little punks...

I think you looked great!

Hey maybe they were yelling at the dog? Looks like he was asking for it...

Momo Fali said...

Those boys are CRAZY! You look fantastic.

I, however, ate so much pre-Halloween candy that I had the desire to go in a Sumo wrestler costume.

Patrice said...

Pretty sure teenage boys mean it as a compliment when they say "skank"! You looked smokin', and you should be proud of yourself that you look so hot! I wish I could pull off a sexy anything costume.. even if I did look like a "skank" that's better than fat ass!

Tiffany said...

LMAO I still say you are hott! Fuck those little bastard boys. You are totally a MILF.

jill jill bo bill said...

You look great! You even make white shoes sexy!!!! And you are NOT skanky. I know skanky, and it ain't you!!!!!

Sabrae said...

I didn't think that that comstume was skanky at all! :) I tooo should have carted around a glass of wine.. but all we did was sit at home on Halloween becuz the wife had to work the next day... but we did dress the dogs up in matching pumpkin sweaters :)

Deb said...

You looked great!!! I think you should have worn it to the hospital this weekend...you would have caused the old men to have heart attacks!

Dorsey said...

You look fantastic!!! Way to rock the sexy nurse costume!!

because I said so said...

I think you rocked the nurse get-up and you all look fantastic!

those boys must have been talking about that "sexy cheerleader" across the street....you my dear are no skank!

Terri said...

oh the family picture is adorable! my husband thought the five of us should go as The Munsters but it was too much work!

Cheryl said...

You looked great and you're freaking skinny. You rock

Mike Marshall said...

Tena......that's not skanky....that's HAWT.
Peace, Mike.

Ann said...

I think you look fantastic Tena!!!

jaime said...

oh geez, i missed a few posts due to sickness and i hope your hubby is better!

i don't think you look skanky though, i ran into QUITE A FEW teenager girls on Halloween that fit that profile- and they didn't even have a costume that i understood- i know what you were at least!

Jen said...

So NOT skanky!! You totally pulled off the sexy nurse look! Who listens to teenage boys anyway?!

Travis Erwin said...

For what it is worth I think you pulled off the outfit quite nicely.

TC said...

OMG! I just found your blog while browsing and that is some funny sh-t! How great! But you really didn't look that skanky. I used to work with a nurse that would dress like that every Friday. ;D

Looks like you guys had a lot of fun! Love your blog!

Diva said...

I think you all looked amazing!!

Dr Zibbs said...

You are really good looking. You could be on TV.