Sunday, November 9, 2008

Ungrateful sick bitch seeks medication

I knew I wasn't feeling well this week. I attributed it to the running, the stress, and the transition from flip flops to Ugg boots within a week's time. I was getting very tired and not feeling myself. No more excuses- I am sick.

I am now hoarse and under normal circumstances, that would be a good thing. But I am anything but normal, so I still talk and yell commands and I sound like a choking duck and it's waaay more annoying than my normal drill sergeant voice- my whole family will attest.

Every inch of my body aches. I am souped up on NyQuil until I can figure out a way to sneak the percocet from my husband's medicine cabinet. I have considered refilling the bottle with aspirin, much like the vodka/water trick I used as a teen with my parents. Seeing as how my dad was an alcoholic and too drunk to notice that he was drinking water instead of vodka, after a certain point, it worked.

The fact that my husband will not take the percocet and the bottle is still completely full and he still is quite coherent- I must come up with an alternative plan. Maybe I could disguise the "A" on the aspirin by carving the straight line that the percocet has on it. However, the fact that my plan has gotten so elaborate, I'm thinking I have a problem and should just stick with the NyQuil.


I'm not a good sick person. I am a control freak. I don't like giving up said control. My husband's aunt was going to stop by today to drop off a casserole. In my well state (I use that term loosely) I would have done an overhaul cleaning job so I could be comfortable for the visit (yes, you read right, I cannot be comfortable with someone in my house unless it is spotless to MY standards. I won't hear a word that is said! I will just focus on that smudge, or dust bunny or piece of paper laying around!) Since I am not well(physically because we know the train wreck that is my mental well being) and the NyQuil had just kicked in, I went to bed and slept for 3 hours.

When I woke, my hardwood floors had been cleaned with PLEDGE furniture polish ( already lost count of how many times I have slipped), tile floors cleaned with Clorox wipes (can you say wasteful?) windows cleaned with what I can only assume were wet towels, plants watered enough for a year's time and, as a result, pools of water surrounding those plants, and my husband's idea of laundry (1 of HIS shirts, 1 pair of HIS jeans and a pair of HIS socks= 1 load=wasteful again!)

Is it just me? Why can't I be grateful for the help? Not only am I not grateful- it's pissing me off! They made more work for me! I try not to seem too bitchy to the kids- after all, they're kids. But MY HUSBAND- REALLY thinks they all did a good job- patting himself on the back numerous times- seriously? Did they remove your brain with the gallbladder? Imagine the amount of great drugs he'd have if that were the case.

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25 comments:

Susan in the Psych Ward said...

You sound just like me... hubby wants all kinds of applause for doing things the wrong way or half-assed and I'm the one "yelled" at for getting mad... just do things the RIGHT way for crying out loud!!! And the things we do are taken for granted... Hope you feel better soon...

Deb said...

ugh, i don't know... i haven't fully committed to the UGGs yet. it was not warm enough to do flip-flops, but way TOO warm for boots today. i need to consider a "transition" shoe, you know?

i swear we were separated at birth. i was just thinking today that it is hilarious and unnecessary for us to even HAVE a guest room in our house. i can not STAND the thought of people in my house. it makes me feel vulnerable and not 100% in my control.

listen i hope you feel better... keep hanging in there. TRY to take care of yourself (although i am laughing that you DO have your priorities straight by keeping us posted).

Deb said...

How about some NyQuil with a wine chaser?

Annie said...

Theraflu drink in the apple cider flavor...swear by it. I hate those "look what we did" jobs as well! Hoping you feel better soon!!

Momo Fali said...

Oh sweetie, my husband hasn't picked up so much as a Clorox wipe or a container of laundry detergent in over 13 years. I would be jumping for joy.

Jay @halftime lessons said...

WONT TAKE PERCOCET??

I keep a frickin candy dish full by the front dorr...I think something may be really wrong with your husband.

Soxy Deb said...

Holy crap I cannot stand for my husband to even fill the dishwasher. He puts the silver ware in all willy-nilly. STEP AWAY FROM THE DISHWASHER!
I still think you should be allowed the percocet. Especially now, just tell him it's his fault your so sick. - all that running back and forth and helping to rid him of cancer - and that should entitle you to at least a couple pills.

I am still lmao @ heinous from the previous post - leaving life insurance brochures all around the house to screw with hubby. That's money right there - I may do that.

jill jill bo bill said...

See? Bein lazy like me means you are grateful for any and all help.

Mom Taxi Julie said...

I'd be feeling grateful someone helped out. The only thing anyone did around here (besides me) was make breakfast yesterday by using all the pans in the cabinet and not cleaning anything up.

Sabrae said...

Hey hey I don't want to hear you complaining about the Perks anymore! LOL I told you what to do in the last comments I left you :) Might as well stick out the messy house til you feel better :) I personally threaten the wife with physical harm if she touches anything and I mean anything in the house unless I am there to supervise her!

The Daily Blonde said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Daily Blonde said...

Join me as I get my morphine cocktail today at the hospital. That might help...can't help you with the pledge issue though. Slippery floors SUCK and i'd be NUTS over that one......
feel better.

The Daily Blonde said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brooks said...

too funny. that is exactly the way my husband does laundry and it pisses me off every time!
Hope that you feel better~

Heinous said...

Lucky I do everything right at my house ;)

Get better.

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

I am so sorry you are sick...but I"m kinda in the same boat as you.

My back is out of whack...dr's instructions are to rest it...and drugs. Well my DH has turned into mr martyr because there is so much I cannot do...but I'm trying to do what I can. He spent all Saturday cleaning...and all day yesterday doing not much of anything...And yet today I had two loads of laundry to do, because he didn't bother to notice that the hamper was overflowing...So here comes the real kicker for me...
I had filled the basket and left in in the middle of the hall floor so he could pick it up and take it to the laundry room...and he steped over it and went downstaris...then had the nerve to yell at me "why are you carring that basket??" to which I replied "because you stepped over it"...Then he left mad at me!!
WTF??!!

The Mom said...

something's going around the net, LOL, i am doped on Benedryl sinus and feel like i've been hit by a truck! Get well soon!

jaime said...

oh shit i'm sorry you got sick!! i feel your pain...as you know that was me last week. this week i'm doing much better but by the end of the day i have no voice-which my husband is LOVING. jerk. and even though your family is doing a crappy cleaning job, be happy. no one did shit for me. there is probably ebola virus all over my kitchen floor.

FEEL BETTER TENA!

Vanessa Rogers said...

I hate being sick, I hope that you get better soon!

Eudea-Mamia said...

That's what you get for being a dutiful wife and hanging around a germ-infested hospital.

Very sorry!

And I totally get you with the "more work because of your work thing." Dear Hubby thinks he's up for man of the year when he "does" the laundry. He does it, then leaves it in a tangled pile on the bed. Hours of ironing awaits!

Em - the ungrateful bitch keeping you company

Drowsey Monkey said...

Yep, you're a control freak, LOL! But I hope you're feeling better! :)

Remember, there's no right or wrong way to do stuff ... but I use Clorox wipes to clean everything so what do I know, LOL!!

Paige said...

This very week I listened to my best friend scream at her husband for buying two bags of cotton balls instead of one. That was interesting.

My husband does not do much and what he does do, I think he screws up on purpose. I have very low standards but is it really that hard to match up the edges of the towels to fold them

Tena said...

{{{ TENA }}}}
Maybe if you take the vodka from when you were younger right after you take the nyquil you won't notice the house as much?
Hope you are feeling better soon sweetie!

Carissa(GoodnCrazy) said...

Hey YOU nice to meet you indeed over on blondie's blog...hahaha

CARISSA from goodncrazypeople?? @rogbark?? Ring any bells?

Well I know you anyway!

I keep commenting here saying...

I 'get' you...

And now. Sorry you're sick! grr... And Where will I stay when I visit YOU and Deb??

sltbee69 said...

Hope you start feeling better soon! I think it's pretty standard to have a hubby that wants a freakin cookie because he actually did something in the house, albeit a bad job at that. But then we are looked at as ungrateful bitches if we have the audacity to complain about the extra work they made because they did help. Ugh!