Friday, November 21, 2008

Giving Thanks- in a roundabout needy way

I am a super sensitive person. Many don't know that or believe it when they hear it. But contrary to my 'tough, I can handle it' exterior, I am a fragile flower (don't laugh!) I constantly over-analyze and over-think situations. What did he mean by that? Why did she say this? Do you think she thinks I am...?

My most recent unhealthy analysis has me questioning what I did to make someone "stop following" me yesterday. Was it something I said? I thought yesterday's post was fairly mild- no cursing, bringing up my severe depression, or politics. I don't know why I care, but I do. Oh yeah, I forgot, I do know why I care... I have the people pleasing, oldest child, approval seeking, daughter of an alcoholic, need for constant affirmation syndrome. It's a battle that I will always have.

When I opened up my comments and noticed I went from 80 followers to 79- that burned! The disapproval ate away at me. It's very superficial and means nothing, much like this whole blogging thing, but my pathetic drive for perfection in an imperfect world is just another aspect of my disease. I don't bring this up to bring you down, or even for sympathy or empathy.

When I started this little voyage of blogging 8 months ago, I did it for an outlet for my craziness, venting, opinions, fun anecdotes- a way to sort my head- done! It has been all of that and more. As a bonus, I have 'met' some of the greatest, most supportive people that I could ever imagine. My blogroll is titled "Kindred Blogs"- that is truly what I feel about the people that I have run across through this technological adventure.

That being said, I know I can't please all the people all the time and this is 'my blog', but I certainly don't want to offend any of the people that leave words of encouragement and have become a part of this journey with me.

I wanted to put that out there and in the spirit of the season, let those of you that have stuck it through, commented, just stop in once in a while or are just visiting for the first time- THANK YOU!

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25 comments:

KimandCo said...

From what I can tell, and I'm still kind of new to your blog, you're open and honest, blunt and to the point. To that I say "AMEN, SISTA!" Offensive? Never. Though I am not sure I know how to be offended. Defensive? Maybe. Offended? What's that? Maybe it's just good riddance to that ex-follower.

Honeybell said...

I always chalk it up to computer error. Because I'm ALL ABOUT THE DENIAL.

Actually, I've had a couple of twitterers unfollow me, when I'd never even been notified that they were following me to begin with.

In any case, I like being offended. :)

Travis Erwin said...

I say don't worry about it. It says a lot that you have 79 followers. I have but a mere 43 and I've been blogging twice as long as you.

Deb said...

i say we hunt down the bitch and kill her. or make her eat chili till she pukes, because puking chili is a fate worse than death.

jaime said...

I wouldn't worry. Maybe someone was just "cleaning" up their blog and saw they had some people they really didn't follow?? I am an overthinker BIG TIME in real life, but on here...so what if ONE person left the building? there's others that are still reading and commenting...

J'Ollie Primitives said...

Yep, I hear you! When I check my feedjit traffic I'm all like "Am I not funny/thought-provoking/inspiring/just too fabulous to leave me a COMMENT?" God forbid anybody does an un-follow, I'd be sad :(

I think we're all needy.

Denise said...

I only have 18 followers and I check everyday to see if I got any new ones or lost any old ones. That would be so rough. Do you think maybe they hit "stop following" by accident? Just a thought.

Mrs4444 said...

You're welcome :) It's been a pleasure.

Tiffany said...

Shit! I don't know how many followers I have. I could have lost one and not even known it. I could have said fuck just one too many times and they were gone. Thanks Tena for bringing this to my attention.

KimandCo said...

Oh and by the way, when I was asking "Defensive?", I was referring to me, not you. I am not easily OFFENDED, but I become easily DFENSIVE. Ok, I'm babbling, so I'll go now.

Twisted Lisa said...

"I have the people pleasing, oldest child, approval seeking, daughter of an alcoholic, need for constant affirmation syndrome."

So THAT'S what's wrong with me!!!

Dorsey said...

You're welcome

And I know its easier said than done, but don't sweat it. You have plenty of cyber-friends that love you SO much, like me. hehe

Deb said...

Love ya Tena! I will be a reader always.

P.S. If you want to feel better, look at how many followers I have. Sniff. Can you give me a plug? :)

Jill said...

Just think of it as their loss... :)

Sabrae said...

Well don't worry... you will never lose me as a follower unless of course you one day just stop bloggin altogether and then I will have to either have you email or write me EVERY SINGLE day until it gets on your nerves and you MUST start bloggin again!! lol

Soxy Deb said...

Your welcome. =)

Danielle said...

I changed computers recently and lost all of my feeds. All of them.

It sucked.

But I wondered if it appeared as if I stopped following people? Or now that I've started following again, does it really register twice?

I don't know.

But maybe someone just switched computers... or maybe someone just had to clear their feed to reorganize...

Oldest pleasing child syndrome sure is a bitch. :)

The Mom said...

maybe they were dropping to re-follow so their photo can be at the top of your list??!

Jenni Jiggety said...

No, no....thank YOU!

Linda S said...

are YOU kidding????? Thank YOU!!!!!

Rochelle said...

Hey girlfriend. Would it help you feel better if I followed you twice? Anything I can do to help.

I also have first child's syndrome. It encompasses a lot of shit. Maybe we can split the cost of a shrink????

Diva said...

I think this blog is light hearted and a I get a kick out of coming by.

Megryansmom said...

Tis I again, looking for clues. Happy Monday

because I said so said...

aw Tena....sniff sniff....

you're such a softy....

you make me giggle every day sister!

Terri said...

I lost one this week too and I took it personally until I couldn't even figure out who it was. Duh. Oh well, who knows the reasons behind why people stop reading, maybe they just quit blogging all together?