SUCKA

Apparently, I was raised in a bubble, a poor white trash bubble with butterflies and rainbows. I always thought people were inherently good and honest, I expected it. I am naive. I am a sucker.

Like the time I signed up for an "envelope stuffing" career- it was going to be my big break. I sent off a check for $35 and waited for my start up supplies. They never came. The phone number and address on the ad were fake. I'd been had. Fuckers.

Anyway, scams piss me off. Mostly because I'm an idiot and fall for them.

Like the time I paid $34 to be registered to a Survey Pool online. I could take as many surveys as I wanted and would make money from each- anywhere from $1-$75 per survey. I went through all of the sites and didn't qualify for any surveys. Then, finally, I qualified- YAY- pass me my winnings... NO CASH FOR YOU! Your name gets put into a drawing with 845,362 other pushover losers for $25,000. Hook, line and sinker.

So, I've eased you in. You think I'm a moron now, just wait.

About 10 years ago, in the middle of my birthing years, I was desperate to drop lingering baby weight and as gullible as ever. I watched an informercial in the middle of the night for a revolutionary weight loss program. The claim: just minutes a day, no strenuous exercising, lose up to 14 inches the first week - I know, I'm a lazy dumb fuck, but it sounded ideal.

The broad claimed to be in her 50's and despite the fact that it was the late 90's and she looked like she still had fresh pit sweat from the Olivia Newton John's Physical video 18 years earlier, she was thin. I wasn't taking style advice from her Jane Fonda camel toe crotch, I wanted to lose weight! I was willing to take the chance that she had "the secret'- not to be confused with another completely different level of unsuspecting schmuck.

So I ordered it. I have no idea how much I paid for it. Too much, I'm sure. As you may have guessed, it didn't work. Mostly because I felt like the world's biggest ass doing it and only tried it a handful of times before my paranoia got the best of me and I was convinced there was a hidden camera following me.

When I received it, and started it, I thought it was a joke. If you have issues with incontinence or bowel control, this isn't the workout for you.



The memory of this popped into my head the other day. I hadn't thought of it since I TOTALLY bullshitted my way through selling it to a large black woman wearing a muumuu and a do-rag at my garage sale about 8 years ago. Who's the sucker now? Probably still me, because I think I sold her the 3 video set for 50 cents and I'm certain that I didn't pay less than $50!

Thanks to Ryan@ Pacing the Panic Room who tweeted this video earlier today making me an irresponsible blogger to NOT write about it since he did all the legwork. Who knew it would become a Youtube rage? Who knew there was going to be something called Youtube?