Some Like it Hot and Free

My sister is the cheapest woman in the universe. I used to find it commendable- the deals she would find and the money she would save. I've never been the patient type to find GREAT bargains- I'm a knowledgeable enough shopper, I know the value of things, I read the ads, use the occasional coupon, but nothing fanatical. She and I used to be similar in our practical sense, but somewhere along the line, her thrifty ways have become extreme and mine have become more lax. I do enjoy a splurge once in a while. I like nice things. My sister HATES it- despises it- is completely contemptuous about self-indulgence. True story: for Christmas, my mom needed to spend about $25 more on her and asked her what she wanted... grocery gift certificates! My dad gave us Spa gift cards for Christmas- she can't fathom spending $100 on any 'overpriced' treatment- she's selling it on Craigslist!

Anyway, she gets these coupons for "5 FREE TANS" for a local tanning salon. Of course, the objective of these coupons are to get the sucker person in the door and up- sell them into a 'package', a membership, or ridiculously overpriced BRONZING lotion (I guess they can justify the mark-up because of its fancy name.)

I get it. I've done sales before. I know how to bullshit with the best of them. And usually, I completely fall for it. Not only because I'm a sucker, but I'm also a true believer in you get what you pay for and sometimes quality has its cost. Usually. Now, we're broke. I still have needs, just no dignity... I count out pennies for my one weakness-McDonald's coffee each morning- they freaking love me at that drive thru window!

My sister called me yesterday and said she had an extra coupon for tanning (she had an ulterior motive- I'd watch her kids while she goes and vice versa). Naturally, I accepted- it was free. However, I was afraid. I don't have my sister's frugal strength. I knew I was going to have to face the sales person and pass over the coupon. I was going to have to stand my ground- grit my teeth and say "no thanks- just give me the poor people free package, please." I knew I was going to be tempted by her fancy UV language and lure of glittery lotions that make your skin tingle!

I had to take one for the economically strained team and avoid that temptation and nostalgia that came over me when I walked in and smelled the char of burning flesh-I admit it- tanning bed skin smell takes me back to a simpler time when my only worries were venereal diseases, silencing my orgasm so my mom wouldn't catch me and if the effects of the drugs I took would wear off before I had to be at work.

I ignored the desire to become a slutty, misguided teenager again and JUST SAID NO. It wasn't without guilt, though. As my pasty naked body lie in the glass florescent tomb in puddles of my own sweat, I contemplated it. I was getting something for nothing and I felt cheap and ashamed about it! Damn it! I tried to avoid those slutty, misguided teenager feelings, but there they were!
Everyone likes getting stuff for free, right?

How would you like to be a slutty and misguided in the privacy of your own home (or your hot neighbor's, whatever)- FOR FREE- no guilt required? I won't even try to upgrade your purchase or sell you KY Jelly! No feelings of cheap shame (unless you like it like that!)

First-go to Eden Fantasys and look around. It's much less pressure than walking into the adult sex shops that have the dominatrix mannequins in the window- they totally freak me out- and they're filthy- and not in the good way. Like in the way where your shoes stick to the ground as you walk and your kind of grossed out wondering what's the cause of the goo under your feet since the shelves are lined with theatrical masterpieces like Sperms of Endearment, The Sperminator, and Free My Willy- makes you wanna go clean the bottom of your shoes!

On that website, along with earth shattering, life changing sex toys, you'll see a woman getting all hot and bothered by a Calla Lily- and who doesn't, but I want to know- what else gets you going... what keeps the fires burning for you?

Leave a comment- tweet the contest (leave me a link)- tell me what product you would like to help you heat up? You will get an entry for each.

The winner will receive one item of your choosing valued at $65 and under from Eden Fantasys!