Friday, July 31, 2009

The last one- promise!

The celebrities:

Happy Hour Sue and I with Queer Eye's Carson Kressley.


Me and the Michelin Man ( he was getting blown- must be why he seems so happy.) There was a blower ( I think it was a machine, but I can't be 100% sure- inflating or fluffing him- take that however you like). There was a definite humming.

Jen and Paula Deen shooting the shit. I love this picture because I imagine they are exchanging the secret to the flakiest pie crust this side of the Mason- Dixon and I'm pegging Jen as a BIG BAKER- you know, in the down time when she's not Twittering or cleaning up her newborn baby boy's puke out of her mouth!

The Swag:

Everyone wants to know about the swag. I was a swag whore, but not in the bad way. I didn't knock anyone down in the process and only took what was offered to me. I still have bruises up and down my arms for having to carry 5 extra bags on the train full of swag- I was the swag bag lady.

The angel in endearing lesbian form behind me on the train with the eagle tattoo on her arm helped me board the train- bless you- I don't care what the conservatives say, there's a special place in heaven for you.

At last count, some of the highlights were 18 flash drives, 22 tote bags, and one girly toy that is currently tied with my chocolate as "the swag that has provided the most pleasure."

The Fallout:

This blog is my document of my life. Any external components are how they affect me. I try not to bash.

My husband's anxiety is one such thing. My enabling throughout the years had worsened the situation and I made a decision to stop it- or try. Thus my trip to Chicago. It was hard for him- his security, his fear, the unknown. I reacted poorly to his poorly directed concern. Like a rebellious teenager screaming at her dad, yeah, I reacted poorly. But his way of showing his love came across less loving and more controlling. We agreed to disagree, kinda.

All the drama, I knew it would make or break us.

To complicate matters, while in Chicago, my husband indulged and read my blog in length and was not happy. Though I have been conscious to not slander and be entirely vague where he is concerned, he felt hurt and violated. Anything I wrote was not a secret to him and was 100% true, but reading it in an open forum was a shock for him and I felt awful.

The truth has often been my curse.

Sunday night, I was a caffeine jolt away from deleting this blog. I began this journey as a healing process and an outlet. I never wanted to hurt anyone with its content. Never.

I ramble. Many things I say in a sarcastic tone. Unfortunately, my writing may not be as descriptive and translatable as it seems in my head.

As hard as it has been to confront these issues with him, I think, I hope, I pray that it has assisted us in a more open line of communication and directed us toward some healing and awareness.

Obviously, I have not deleted this blog and don't plan to. It's too important to me. I will make an asserted effort to not include him in a negative light as long as he keeps his part of the deal and doesn't give me such rich blog fodder and buys me jewelry, flowers, chocolate, what? I'm easy.

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16 comments:

Halftime Lessons said...

Dont delete, sweetie. Lots of us go thru this with people in our lives who don't "get it". My wife and I still battle over this, and much more. The time that I stopped blogging for a while was the happiest of her life. Selfish.

Joke 'em if they cant take a F**K.

alanna rose said...

I want to say something supportive, but my brain is having a hard time stringing words together. I see the sarcasm and have never felt like you were bashing your husband.

Hugs for you!

Piece o' Coconut Cake said...

Man, Tena, I SOOOO wanted to go! Do they know where it's going to be next year? What a blast. Of course, that means I'll have to start blogging again...

Laurie, Mobile Mommy/Halo Secretarial said...

Glad you didn't hit delete. I wonder how my hubby would feel if he read all of my blog? He is able to and knows all about it but I know he hasn't read many posts. I certainly don't try to be negative but who can be sure how another person will read what we are putting out there? Hope you guys can use this to help you communicate better.

Under the Influence said...

Don't delete! Don't delete!

I hope you and your hubs continue on your healing path and he continues (starts?) with the chocoloate!

Assertagirl said...

What, no Mrs. Potatohead?!

I'm glad you didn't delete because I've just discovered how wonderful your blog-and you-are.

HappyHourSue said...

No! Thank God I have your cell phone - I would lose it if you just disappeared into cyberspace.

Your voice needs to be heard - we all love you - and it's just "MY THERAPY" right? Hello?

XOXO

Susan in the Psych Ward said...

While you all were in Chicago, I was in Houston with my daughter to visit some friends... have you been reading my blog? You would know.... any way, Hubs has been none to pleased with me because the week before that I was on my girls trip. He's had enough alone time and missed me. He just doesn't understand that my time away makes me a better wife and mother. The trip with my daughter was one she will always remember, one of those special times she'll look back on fondly and appreciate me for it. Hubs is pissed I've left him alone for two weeks practically and seems I'm never going to make it up to him..... Right now, I think my hubby sucks and needs to grow up, but at least he missed me, right?

Long winded much?? Sorry!!!

So Not Mom-a-licious said...

Whenever my husband wants to know what's going on with me, he will start to read my blog. It's like he thinks I'm not telling him everything. Whcih is not the case. Sorry that your man got upset about it. I can see both sides of it. But as long as it helped open up some communication. Glad to see you are still here!

Mrs4444 said...

The Blog Frog shows that someone from your IP address visited my blog a few hours ago. Maybe it was your husband? Does he like blonds? Maybe he's discovered a few perks to reading your blog, hm? Just cracking myself up here.

I love that you're keeping it up, Tena. Wow. That shows sincere thought and self-preservation. I hope he understands and that he knows that without the blog, he'd be getting less sex and a whole lot of CRAZY! LOL

Carol J. said...

I'm also damn happy you didn't hit that delete button. Your writing cracks me up!

I also tend to make sarcastic remarks about my husband because, let's face it, he drives me freaking crazy. But I love him, I just don't love all of his quirks. But they do make good fodder...and if we don't laugh at the stuff that drives us crazy, then somebody's goin' down, and it won't be me.

Please don't leave us...we need you!

♥georgie♥ said...

I just posted something similar this past week...not inregards to my hubby but a friend that i hurt writing a post...

you were THE first blog friend I found...you can never break up with me!

I am glad you had a great time at BlogHer

Jenn@ The Crazies said...

My Hubby has read most of mine and he is ok with it... but it does occasionally cause some stress. I hope you guys have worked it out.. dont delete. We all LOVE you!

Annie said...

Do NOT delete. Seriously, if I read no one else, I read you.

Terri said...

glad you decided to stick it out; many of us would miss you terribly. I hope the drama has resulted in some good communication; who knows maybe before too long he'll blog himself out of his anxiety - it works!!

Complicated Mama said...

That is the hardest part of blogging, when the real life people start reading.

Its a tough one... but I am so glad you didnt delete it!!