Monday, July 13, 2009

Get to know a little bit about me before it comes as a shock at BlogHer

If you're going to BlogHer there are a few things you should know about me...

1.) I have a peanut sized head and a huge forehead. I'm not fat, per say, however, in relation to my body, my head is not proportioned... much like these... don't stare at me- it's freakish, I know.




2.) It is because of #1 that I steer clear of cameras and hate myself in pictures. I am in need of a haircut and I'm thinking of asking them to add volume (and possibly bangs) to give the illusion of a normal sized head- I'm crossing my fingers.

3.) I don't dance. I will Karaoke. Or chair dance. Or possibly even lap dance. But don't expect me to break it down on the dance floor- I feel like a dork.

4.) I don't usually drink (read: lightweight). If I drink too much- it's a pretty good bet I will get sick. This, and the fact that my dad was a raging alcoholic when I was growing up, is why I was a pothead. It's all cool now, though, my dad has been clean for 20 years and my husband confiscated my bong and bowl. The only thing that remains is an occasional pesky smoker's cough, a fear of abandonment and self-esteem issues. Note to Anissa and Brittany: you may want to consider giving me the bed nearest to the bathroom, as a consolation, our room will be spotless due to my OCD.

5.) I am technologically challenged. I use a desktop computer. I will have my step-dad's laptop at BlogHer. That I have no idea how to use. Therefore, I will be even more technologically stumped than normal- shocking to think that it can get worse! Pity me- offer up advice- whatever- just don't point and laugh.

6.) Besides the fact that after 14 years of not having been away from my kids and/or husband and I am like a ticking time bomb and really need to get away- financially, I have no business going on a trip. Seriously, we're broke, but I'm looking at it as an investment in my sanity and probably cheaper than the institutionalization that's on the horizon without this as an intervention.

7.) Because of #6, I am open to whoring myself for most basic necessities: chocolate covered pretzels, fruity beverages with umbrellas, and adult diapers.

8.) I'm shy at first- it takes me a while to warm up- not literally, I will be sweating profusely.

9.) I don't care how shy I am- you will get a card from me. Why? Because I accidentally bought 1000! I'm not a fan of waste and I don't know if I'll ever get out again- so I may be passing them out to random strangers on the streets of Chicago, as well.

10.) Seriously, I have no idea where the train station is in relation to the hotel- should I know that? I have never ridden in a cab, much less flagged one down- do you even have to "flag them down" in Chicago. Watching Sex and the City is about as close as I've been to a cab.

11.) I predict my cell phone will ring approximately 306 times. My husband has extreme anxiety. What do I care- as long as I get out of the house. I also like the ring on my phone- it sounds like an old 70's porno!

12.) Again, related to #6- I will attend any free events. Are there any free events? If so please send me the information. I may also be found scrounging dumpsters with Chicago homeless for meals, that is, if I make it to the hotel in the first place- otherwise look for me near the train station passing out business cards with chow mien on my chin.

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18 comments:

Mrs4444 said...

Tena, you're hilarious. Can't wait to meet you :)

Laurie, Mobile Mommy/Halo Secretarial said...

Love the post - so cute! I don't know if we flag a cab down or what (I'm not much of a regular cab user either) but I know that it's only a $5 cab ride from where you get off the train to the Sheraton!

Twenty Four At Heart said...

Loved this post. Those pictures crack me up. I can't wait to meet you!

CheekySweetie said...

I love you. That is all.

Oh, wait, it's not! I am so glad I'm not the only one going for the $2 train ride over the $30 cab from the airport!

Elaine A. said...

Excited to meet you and your tiny head! ; ) And can't wait to have one of your cards! Just one though please... tee hee...

Scope said...

Too bad I will be out of town at a different blogging get-together (aka - flying to Seattle to see Cora) that weekend. Way too many cool folks will be in town.

Here is some Thoughts that may prove helpful:

1) Google maps is your friend.

2) If you are coming in to Union Station on the train, it's way more than a $5 cab ride. I would guess $10 with tip, sorry.

3) At the train station, follow the crowd, when you get out the door there should be a line of cabs at the "cab stand".

4) Hailing a cab on the street is easy as pie. Unless it's raining. Then you're DOOMED! Just throw up you arm like you see in the movies. DO NOT WHISTLE OR SHOUT "TAXI" That's just in the movies. :-)

5) Ask for help. We're generally friendly.

6) CheekySweetie - Good call on the L from the airport.

7) Have a great time.

Jenn@ The Crazies said...

Making me even more bummed out that I am not going.. wish I could meet you! I would be looking for freebies too... too financially tight right now.

Em said...

Even with all the anxiety, know you're going to have a rockin' time, because from all the posts I've been reading, everyone feels this way.

Lord I've got Blogher envy!

Annie said...

Take pictures! Even if they are all head shots only! Have fun. I expect a full report.

Tiffany said...

I would NEVER be able to go to something like that. I am terribly shy and would probably sit in the corner the whole time. That is if I even made it there cuz I've never been a plane, in a cab, or on a train. Yea I suck. Anyway, I will live through you so go have some fun for me.

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

You're going to have so much fun! I would love to go but as I type, I'm waiting word on whether I have a job or not. Take plenty of pictures and blog about it all. Go for all the freebies. If they run out of food, look for ketchup packets. you can squeeze them into a cup and make a cup of soup! :)

Corina - Down to Earth Mama said...

I am not going to BlogHer, but am going to Type-A Mom which I don't have any business going on because I am broke too. But, sanity is right. It is either this or me screaming down the street, being taken away men with white coats.

sarcasminaskirt said...

I am so glad I'm not the only one terrified of catching a damn cab all by myself...

Dr Zibbs said...

I wish I were going.

Jill said...

So bummed that I'm not going... I missed it again this year by mere weeks!

Have fun - and post photos.

Snarky Lady said...

Downtown there isn't much free, unless you enjoy walking along the lakeshore. I think you can walk around Navy Pier free, but don't quote me. Hmmm... Of course, if you like to window shop you should definitely visit Michigan Avenue. Probably one of the greatest streets ever. I don't know if it's free to visit the top of the Sear's Tower (which is shortly to be renamed to something else that's really stupid and lame -- might have been already). Can you tell I know almost nothing about Chicago despite living in the suburbs? You'll like it though. Great food. So if you do hit the dumpsters you probably won't be disappointed. :)

So Not Mom-a-licious said...

Even though when people meet me they think I am out-going, I am deep inside dying. Most likely there is some part of my body sweating profusely.
The only piece of advice I have is...the second you say to yourself "i can have just one more"...don't. it's always that one more that makes you wish someone really was ramming your head into a brick wall the next morning.
Love,
your professional drinker blog friend who won't get the glorious chance to meet you or your card at blogher because her husband is a twat and made a big deal about her leaving him with the baby to go to chicago for a weekend.

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

I so wish I was going. I would totally help you hand out your cards and search for food in dumpsters.