Quiet, quiet, she's gonna say something...

I love Forrest Gump. I cry like a baby and get goose bumps and my kids laugh at me every-single-time-we-watch-it. The only part I never liked was when he ran. I can hear the old lady on the bench "So, you just ran!"

I jumped into blogging just like Forrest waking up that morning to find Jenny gone and "just ran". There was no destination, no purpose, nothing to prove- I just felt like blogging.

Lately, I have felt like the heavy-bearded, long- haired Forrest running through the Sedona desert in his poncho with Jackson Browne's Running on Empty playing in the background.

I'm pretty tired. I think I'll go home, now.

I am definitely running on empty. This is not my swan song, however. The journey has been too great to just unlace my Nike Cortez that easily.

I'm still searching for my direction on this run and will let you know when I've found it.

KMBFBAG- recharged!

I am not happy at a heavier weight- period. Some people can be- not me- I envy that in others. It invades every aspect of my being. I hate the way I look. I hate the way I feel. I hate having the struggle of finding something to wear and being out in public. I avoid invitations at every cost. I'm just not comfortable in my own skin when I carry extra weight.

I know this is not a good thing and is probably an extreme. I'm not sure if it's attributed to my being SO skinny until my 20's or my upbringing- my mom is a vain woman, too.

About 7 years ago, I was at my heaviest and my husband and I decided to hire a nutritionist. He owned a local gym and offered a program that guaranteed results. We were anticipating our first beach vacation to Florida and wanted to get 'in shape'.

For 3 months, we followed his dietary instructions and worked out exactly as he told us. It probably didn't hurt that he was a bulky beefcake and could crush us with his little finger- we did not want to let him down!

About half way through his program, we went to a party and were offered something that was not 'allowed' on our diet. I remember the woman that offered it asking why I was on a diet. I told her that we were going to Florida. She replied, as she figuratively sized me up,

"Last time I checked, they let people this size in Florida."

Can I tell you how much I love that girl? I wish I thought like her. Sadly, I do not!

After that program, I was in the best shape of my life! I dropped the weight and was quite the hard body (for a mom of 3, anyway). I loved shopping for my vacation clothes! I wasn't uncomfortable on the beach or in my skin.

I don't know if my body will ever get back to that place, but I am determined to try like hell! Back then, it was the trip to Florida. At the party I went to this weekend, I may just have stumbled upon my new driving force...I hadn't seen these friends in about 2 years. It was great to see them. There was more of them to see, too. Three of the 5 women got breast implants! They all look amazing and are looking forward to their summer parties- in the pool- wearing swimsuits-GULP!

Full force ahead, folks!

Last week, I followed the Sacred Heart Diet to a T. I did not have a loss of energy. I felt fine. I would have REALLY enjoyed a chocolate chip cookie, but beauty has its price.

I heard the horror stories about exploding bowels. I didn't have this problem either. Maybe a case of the shits would have rendered better results- I'm glad my body decided to take a pass on that, though.

I had gained a little and at the beginning of last week, was at 143. This morning, the scale read 138. Not the 10-17lb magic bullet that the diet claimed, but absolutely the progress that I needed to keep me going.


Starting Weight- 150lbs
Today's Weight- 138lbs
Total loss- 12lbs

How was your week?

Friday Fragments

Very random, rushed, hopefully short and sweet fragments... join in with Mrs. 4444

***I have not wavered off of this diet ONE BIT! It has been hard. Especially when I was stupid enough to make brownies for a sleepover with my nieces and nephews! They smelled SO good! I have worked out 3 times this week and walked, I'm guessing, 5 miles at the zoo. Sadly, the diet has not been the silver bullet that I was hoping for- damn. 10-17lbs? Not even close- more like 1 or 2, so far. I have 2 more days left. I plan to keep going and see what the results are.

*** The diet has made me a bigger bitch than normal. I've been on edge all week!

***The zoo- we went to the zoo this week. I am not a fan of the zoo. Maybe I'm just an old cranky lady, I don't know. We walked about 5 miles during 3.5 hours and saw about 20 animals- big whoop. Animals stink. Kids are brats. Especially kids that are relatively unsupervised and came with their school. My son fell into the Camel's yard. He was sitting on the fence for a picture (that my sister was taking- because I suck) and he fell back, over and in and scratched the hell out of his back! My daughter- the rather clumsy one, tried to keep up with my nephew and son and jumped over a rock and fell on her face and nicked it up pretty bad, too. I'm not a fan of the zoo.

***I got DVR! I watch a lot of TV and I really WATCH it. NOT DVR or TIVO. Everyone has told me how great this little invention was and my cable company was offering a free package for a year so I'm giving it a go. I'm a creature of habit and I don't like it or get it yet. Hopefully it will grow on me.

***I have been very anxious this week- maybe it's the lack of carbs, or the loud kids, or the list of things 'to do' that won't stop. I have not been able to get around the blogosphere the way I like and feel very left out. Forgive me.

***We are going to a party this weekend with some old friends that used to be neighbors. I am very nervous. We all had so much fun together when we were neighbors. Then people started moving away. Some kept in touch and some didn't. I guess I'm hoping I don't feel left out and that not much has changed.

***My dog is the kind that NEEDS to be groomed! He has not been groomed in a couple months because my husband is bothered of the cost. I am sneaking him to a groomer today because he's beginning to grow dreadlocks and I'm beyond the stage in my life where it was cool to have a Rastafarian dog.

***GO MIZZOU! They made it to the Elite 8. I will be watching on Saturday to see if they can beat U-Conn to get into the Final Four- how exciting!

*** Twisted Lisa- I picked YOUR name out of my fancy pink bowl for my giveaway! Contact me and I will give you details. Congrats! It was totally legitimate- but I was completely rooting for you- YEAH!

Top 10

My fab bloggy friend, Coco, is off jetsetting in Guatemala and she had a great idea to leave a post with links to her Top 10 ( tells your 'story' so there's no need to scrounge through archives.)

Since, I am on Day 4 of my recent hair up my ass idea, and don't have much energy to hold my head upright, much less, write something clever, and am 98% sure that I'm PMSing, and have my kids home for Spring Break, I thought it was a PERFECT IDEA!

So this is me...

One Household, Two Childhoods

Who Were You Expecting?

My 100th Post- Part 1

My 100th Post- part deux

Questions 67 & 68

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

My Fucked Up Fairy Tale

Step Inside My Sickness

To My Brother

Hold Tight- This Really Isn't All About Me

He Said, She Said

Something fun, exciting and oh so romantic happened out here in blogoworld yesterday... follow the links... it's very sweet...

Although mine and my husband's courtship and engagement doesn't NEAR come close to these goose bump moments shared... I will play along...

I was a single mom of a 3 month old boy, working a job that I absolutely hated and wondering what direction my life was going.

Two dear friends of mine, "D" and "T", called and invited me to a join them for a Friday night happy hour. I sooo did not want to go! I was very self-conscious about my appearance and my situation and thought I had no place in a bar! I think it was their version of an intervention for really pathetic people that mope and feel sorry for themselves. They eventually strong-armed me into going.

One of their co-workers brought a friend. "D"and I both like this friend. He was charming and handsome- not funny- he thinks he's funny- he was NOT funny.

I, specifically, remember him wanting to know about my son- not only NOT being scared off by him, but wanting to know more. This could have, very well, been a ploy to get into my pants, but oh well.

As the night progressed, "D" and I were both being cautious to not step on one another's toes- and cock block, if you will, but, rather, let HIM make the choice.

Now, this is where the story gets tricky...

Here is my story...

God as my witness, I remember him brushing his leg up against mine under
the table and giving me a 'come hither' look. At the end of the night, his
friend came up to ME and told me that he liked me (and they were
not in 8th grade- they were 30!) and would like me to call him.
I never told "D" about the brush up on my leg or what his friend said- I
didn't want to look like a stealing ho-bag bitch or hurt
her. But in my mind, he had made his decision, right? A
couple nights later, with encouragement from my other friend, "T", I called
him. I still had not told "D" about any of it. We went out and
had a great time and continued dating. I told "D" when we
were going on our second date. She told me that she was very
hurt by me and felt that I was keeping this from her and, in a sense, lying
to her by not telling her up front. She was my college roommate
for 3 years, would have been in my wedding and, most likely have been
chosen as Godmother to one of my kids. She didn't speak to me for 5
years.

Here is his story...

Two broads were hot after me and I couldn't decide between them. They
both wanted me- bad. Tena called me and I went out with her. "D"
like me SOOO much and was so jealous of her stealing me that she broke
off their friendship. I have that kind of power.

I swear, if I have to hear 'his story' ONE MORE TIME at another wedding reception, party, bar, dentist's office, Bar Mitzvah, or Christmas dinner, I will puncture my throat with a fork! Or a toothbrush!

He's not a romantic, he still thinks he should be a comic writer (although HE'S NOT FUNNY!), he spits toothpaste all over the mirror each morning, his favorite past time is standing in front of an open refrigerator and napping on the floor next to the hum of the dryer.

He proposed to me at a Wendy's and put my clean, shiny, sparkling engagement ring in a ketchup container! Mine! The girl with OCD! Ring immersed in ketchup! I was completely grossed out.

When I got word of "D"'s engagement, in 2000, I sent her a card and told her how much I missed her friendship and that I was so sorry if she felt betrayed by me and that I wished her the best of happiness. She accepted my apology (and agrees with my accounts of the story, by the way).

We are once again the great friends we used to be and I think she thanks me for taking that bullet.

random tidbits

A few years ago, around Christmas, the family was driving around and Celebrate Me Home by Kenny Loggins came on the radio. My daughter asked why they were "celebrating meatballs"?

A few weeks ago, we heard Donna Summer's Hot Stuff- and my daughter asked why they were singing about "pasta"?

On the drive to Church the other day, Falco's song, Amadeus was on the radio. My son asked if they were singing "hot potato".

I swear- I feed my kids! Maybe we need to make an appointment to clean ears.

Without fail- when at a restaurant- the server asks my husband if he wants "soup or salad" and he replies, "yes"- followed by blank confused stares from the server. Yes- my husband ALWAYS wants the "super salad"!

Yeah, I think it's time to make a phone call to the doctor to tend to our ears!

KMBFAG- spring break and a new plan

Spring break is here. So is the greenish puke that is apparently the result of blue jelly beans, blue jello and blue icing at the Blue's Clues birthday party we attended yesterday. Joy.

I am in sterilization mode. My hands feel like the skin is going to shed any moment from the dryness and cracking from overused bleach. Joy.

I have failed miserably at my diet- but there is good news...

I was up all night last night and avoided the temptation of buying the In-Styler (even though I have very fine straight hair and this would not help me at all- I was still on the fence- and reaching for the phone and my credit card). I also passed on P9OX- because after the initial desire I had for the program and the frighteningly hard bodies that were in this infomercial- I decided the 'befores' were way out of my league. The deceptive slime sales people convinced me that I also have Adrenal fatigue- which I think means my kidneys are tired- and whose aren't? With their hard hitting questions like... do you gain weight after eating? Do you have a hard time losing weight? Is your ass larger than it was when you were 18? I was sure they had my ticket- luckily, that's when I started falling asleep.

I have gone to the grocery store and have all the ammunition needed for this- thanks Terri, who led me to it- please let me know if it works- if it doesn't, you may want to lie- just for my sanity.

I know I'm going to do well on the dieting front this week- because I'm a competitor. My husband has accepted the challenge. He is going to do his 'diet' (eat less chips and no ice cream- he's convinced that's the ONLY thing holding him back!) And I will do my Sacred Heart Diet. I will do anything it takes to beat him!

I have no idea how well it will work, but I am going to follow it to the letter- mostly because the ingredients were cheap and I like most everything on it-except fruit- as I'm choking down an orange- and I am determined to beat my husband, damn it! Also, I thought it would be good to find something other than my kids to blame my bad attitude on this week and since it's not that time of the month- this seemed like a good substitution.

I know I totally suck, but I really do plan to get back in your good graces this week. How was your week?