Which came first, the chicken or the bitch?

When my husband and I argue, it gets ugly. He can spew an insult like a dagger through the heart! He doesn't stay away from the taboo either- anything is fair game- insecurities, families, past mistakes- oh yeah- he can play dirty! He will admit that his family argued like this. Sadly, this is how they communicated and then they pretend like nothing ever happen and go about their business- no grudges, no flowers, no I'm sorry- nothing!

I remember when we first started having disagreements that got to that level (a few years into our marriage before the true colors started shining, of course!) He used disparaging words that I had never even heard before! It hurt like hell, but laying back, crying and taking it wasn't the way I work.

I was raised in a semi-healthy home. Sure, we had our share of dysfunction with an alcoholic dad blah, blah, blah. My parents divorced when I was 10- any fighting that I was ever around totally ceased. My mom was only 16 when she had me, so she tried her best to raise my sister and I to be strong women and not make the mistakes that she did in her life. As a part of this lesson, I didn't take shit. I would never start fights, but sure as hell wouldn't take blame for something that wasn't true or just be beat down.

This being said, the way I have come to "fight back" with my husband is shameful! I'm certainly not proud of the crap that comes out of my mouth, but I have to say this in my defense: I am a product of my surroundings. I don't think I am this evil in my actions. I think I am this evil in my reactions. He taught me everything I know.