My plan for the weekend...

This weekend is our "Parish Picnic"- a weekend long, money pit, breeding ground for annoying drunks, lost kids, and "carnie" infestation. The air is thick with the smell of funnel cakes and motion sickness puke. Most people would jump at the chance or, at least, give in to the CONSTANT begging, whining, and moaning by their kids to attend. Not me- I am strong. I am broke. I am short of patience when it comes to close quarters in 100 degree weather with people I don't like.


My kids go to the school (against my internal battles). We are parishoners. I make an asserted, yet flawed effort, to make it to church on Sundays. I am a bad, but true Catholic- my dad was one of 13 and they were all drunks, but they went to church every Sunday, damn it. My kids play sports for the school. We are constantly surrounded by people that belong to the parish. So there are pressures to attend and help support the cause.

The sun sets and rises with the parish picnic, in most of these peoples' lives. If I openly admit to them that I am in town this weekend and choosing to stay home and not drop $300 each day- I will be doomed to eternal damnation and no one needs that.

That's why I'm lying and saying we're out of town this weekend.

Amen.