Wednesday, August 19, 2009

BLOG- the new four letter word

Twelve years ago, I stopped working to have and take care of kids. That life was, and still is, greatly rewarding. I am the one who has seen all of their monumental firsts. I am so lucky to have had the pleasure to witness the wobbly steps, wipe the tears and kiss the boo boos- first hand.

Instead of gaining tenure and a nest egg, I've sacrificed a little bit of me to mold four little newborns into four little people that I am crazy proud of. My resume has instead gained colic, night frights, bedtime stories, and trips to the emergency room. And I am proud of that.

Admitting this life was a sacrifice was just being honest- never was it with the intent to negate the value of the role that I have held and the rewards that we reap from it.

The fact is, some people fall into this role seamlessly, like they nurtured their baby dolls from infancy. I, however, chucked my baby doll, as soon as I was old enough to open a lemonade stand.

My youngest child starts preschool next month. She will only be in a few hours a day, at this point, but I know what is on the horizon. I have always known this time would come. The day she would fly this cuckoo's nest and I'd have to fill my time ruffling feathers elsewhere.

For the last two years, I have been calculating my life, sorting out logistics and asking myself, "what do I want to do when I grow up?"- or rather- when they grow up? I've sent my share of resumes, filled out applications and stalked Craigslist- none of the "Earn $30,000 a month- and not even leave your home!" have panned out. I'm still needed here on a limited basis so I had to turn down all the overseas CEO positions that were offered to me.

16 months ago I discovered a way of journaling. An outlet for all the things I had to share. It seemed to fill the little free time I had and the creative releases that I needed. It offered the support from a community of people that understood. It fit into my schedule with my kids and I enjoyed it.

I share thoughts, feelings, and fears. Everything is derived from my experiences and my opinions. Take all or nothing that you want from it- I don't claim to be an expert of anything- just a slave to blatant honesty. I editorialize. I kid. I trivialize. I curse. I poke fun at myself.

I blog. ***GASP***

I am a mom who blogs. Not a 'mommy blogger', which has its own negative connotations and hype without any help from me. And, no- I am not a drunk.

'Blog' is the new four letter word. Fear of the unknown, the predators, the ignorance. Some may be threatened by it.

My mothering has come under attack and been criticized because of my blog. That's certain to only increase if others in real life find out about it. I have banished pictures of my kids from this site in an effort to prove to make this about my words. Note to perverts: you are not welcome here- I have enough problems and if you're jacking off to my words- you also have some problems to tend to. I have come under fire as being naive and clueless when it comes to the "reality of the Internet".

I stand firm that I am hurting no one and putting no one in danger with my rants.

In July, I went to a blogging conference and among 1500 bloggers, I did not spot one axe murderer in the bunch- and I was looking! Each person I met was just as they represent themselves on their respected sites (well, maybe a few photography tricks to disguise second chins- but bygones- I was sucking in my gut, too!)

There was no Chris Hanson. No squirrely, fat, middle-aged men carrying six packs of wine coolers and boxes of condoms meeting his cyber-girlfriend that he knows only as "14YROLDSXYGAL"!

Blogging has saved my sanity and my brain from turning to a ball of animated mush. I am saddened that it's shamed and not taken as a serious forum for writing. Not for myself, but for so many talents out here.

You always hear, "do something you love"... I am doing something I love- it's oddly rewarding (and not in any sense, financially), but I still love it. Yet, slightly disheartened that the perception of the "blog" holds me back from sharing it.

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16 comments:

Under the Influence said...

Amen!

angie said...

ROCK ON. YES.

Mommy Melee said...

You are awesome.

LV said...

You made a lot sacrifices, but nothing will ever replace the things you have shared with these little ones. You sound like a great mom.

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

It is disheartening to feel like your hobby/interests are not respected, especially since they are not illegal or hurting anyone. Blogging has been a great way for me to start to reconnect with myself.

Jenn@ The Crazies said...

Couldnt have said it any better myself...

Tiffany said...

I blog because it lets me be the "real" me. In real life I'm super shy and quiet. My family doesn't think I cuss and that I'm the nicest person ever. Obviously they don't know about my blog. And I like it that way. When something is bothering me, I can blog about it and not worry about somebody calling me over it.

I'm just the MOM said...

U are an awesome mom that just happens to have an awesome blog! U are REAL in every sense!

♥georgie♥ said...

you go girl!!!! well said

Lisa-licious said...

Here, here! You are a true inspiration! I am PROUD to tell people that I blog...they always ask, "where do you find the time"? I MAKE time for blogging!! (It's so much cheaper than Betty Ford!!!)

I can't tell you how happy I was to meet you (FINALLY!) at BlogHer, and how much your friendship means to me...I know we will be blogger-buddies and friends forever! What a blast that was, huh?!

You ROCK! Thanks for putting into words what I feel and have trouble articulating (and, therefore, typing!)

motherbumper said...

Serial killer here (but I'm benign) and all I gotta say is YES! *high five*

kathleen said...

here, here to you and all of us that blog...

only way I get to spew!!!!

Tiaras said...

amen to that!!

Mariah said...

This was very well said. I dont understand all the hoopla between a mom blogger and a XXX blogger. I mean, we're all here just sharing a bit of ourselves and spewing shit to help with the cost of therapy.

I meant XXX as a spacer, not a adult site. :)

Terri said...

well thought out and written Tena.

Mrs4444 said...

I don't even bother telling anyone IRL anymore that I have a blog; so many people just don't get it, but as far as I'm concerned, blogging is one of the best-kept secrets I know :)

Tena, your writing is really wonderful; it's a treat to read.