Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Purely hypothetical

Once upon a time there was a girl that sowed her wild oats- who are we kidding- she was a downright slut. She was in college and, though she may not have been as discretionary as she should have been, that's what needy, approval seeking, sorority girls did in the early 90's. She got it out of her system and by the age of 24, relatively unscathed by venereal diseases and unplanned pregnancies (OK, one unplanned pregnancy), she settled down with one man and never looked back (OK, maybe she looked, but she never touched- inappropriately.)

Fast forward... 1o years or so... the girl meets new friends. Young couples with kids and many things in common. Shared many fun times. Sadly, everyone moved away and went down their separate paths.

Fast Forward again... 4 more years... couples reunite to catch up. Have a nice time, but something unusual transpires. Not necessarily "swinging" since there was no exchange of bodily fluids, but showing off new implants led to nudity and uncomfortable fidgeting and mind racing to find excuses to flee by girl's husband. Since girl was never a prude, she laughed it off and went home with her hyperventilating husband. It was harmless, really, and entertaining, in fact, for the time that girl was there. If life and pregnancy and plastic surgeons had been more kind to her, who knows, she may have ended up exhibitioning for the photos herself. Alas, time has been cruel and girl's National Geographic boobs with elephantitus aereolas did not need to be out for show!

Although the couples had many things in common when they met- being young families- there was one very different thing- girl's new friends were all married to their high school sweethearts. The men that they met when they were 13-15 was the only man they had ever been with and the ones that they vowed to be with for the REST OF THEIR LIFE! They never experienced another man's touch, heartbreak of being single and finding a nice man to rebound with!

In an ideal world, this sounds very storybook and sweet. But this completely hypothetical scenario, of course, is to show you that the human seeks variety! This story was purely made up and certainly if the girl had photographic evidence sent to her to support her story- that would NEVER get out because girl does not wish to be found out by "new" friends or pervs searching the web for hot mom's with implants.

And yet, the silver lining, the "sign" that girl had been waiting for to push her to go on an upcoming trip, "new" friend's "Adult Pool Party" evite arrived today- on the same weekend girl will be out of town! Avoiding all uncomfortable excuses and made up lies- girl will be going to BlogHer!

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14 comments:

TentCamper said...

A. can I have your invite?
B. Why must you call me a perv? Is that search term bad?
C. if there was in fact photographic evidence...we at Hot Dads would be happy to hold onto it ...for safe keeping.

Jen said...

We just got an invite to an "adult" pool party and I looked at the calendar and saw that we already had other plans (THANK GOD!!). I mean it didn't say that it was a swingers party or anything but I've heard that this guy's parties can get pretty wild. Um, yeah, I think I'll pass. I don't think I could ever be a swinger. It would just be too weird (especially if it is with people you know). I'd probably be more like your husband and want to escape the situation as quickly as possible.

Soxy Deb said...

Note to self: Do not evite, invite or any other type of vite Tena to our 'adult' parties.


When you go to BlogHer, buy me something.

Mariah said...

Adult parties are weirding me out as well. I think it's important to sow your wild oats when you're younger so that these type of situations don't appear so alluring.

Yea, I said that

CailinMarie said...

regarding comments:
oh sh*t people seriously? do you watch tv? go to a movie? when's the last time you saw another person's body that you are not "committed to?" so its okay to sit on the couch and drool but you can't handle a walking talking hottie?
Tentcamper exemtp of course.

I can't go there. Stretch marks the size of Brazil, and tummy cellulite. yah, so NOT ever going there. Having both drawn nudes in art school and living in one those towns where the mommies all show up at swim practice in string bikini's so they can justify their "trophy wife" lifestyle
flaunt what you've got girl, but don't push the hubby past his point. gotta give the man his right to pride (although you know girl's man is thinking, drool all you want fellah's she's going home with me)

The deMented Mom said...

I'm pretty sure that my 42 year old body wouldn't stand up to an Adult party. My husband on the other hand would be all over that...Lucky for you that you have the blogher excuse..priorities, priorities.

Love your blog..I grabbed your button.

That sounded wrong didn't it?

Dr Zibbs said...

What is this Blogher I've been hearing about?

Tiffany said...

I'm so fucking confused. I wanna see fake boobies! For research purposes of course.

Piece o' Coconut Cake said...

Whew, that was close!

Jenni Jiggety said...

I think you should throw and adult pool party AT BlogHer!

Jenn@ The Crazies said...

I agree with Jenni Jiggety... an adult party at BlogHer sounds good, though plan it next year as I wont be attending this one!

Mrs4444 said...

"National Geographic boobs with elephantitus aereolas" Not sure that I've ever laughed harder.

A Buns Life said...

I am so confused! :)

5STRONG said...

Oh how I love this blog. It's keeps me sane and grounded!