Thursday, June 25, 2009

Dear Elves...

Dear Keebler Elves,

I try to eat right. I do. I buy your cookies for my kids. I know, everyone says that, but I really do. If I'm being honest, yours are not my favorite cookies in the world- I can pass on them. Unfortunately, when I'm trying hard to eat right and your cookies are the only ounce of chocolate that I have in the house, there are bound to be moments of weakness. They're so small that I think I'll just sneak into my kitchen and get ONE cookie and solve my chocolate fix. Therein lies the problem.

First, I don't eat just one. They are very small. Do you have some kind of proportion scale you use in the baking tree? Is it made for elves? Because let me tell you, those cookies are too small for human consumption of just ONE!

Next, the packaging. Do elves have good hearing? Because your packaging is the loudest packaging in the universe and not conducive to sneaking a snack in the middle of the night. I give you EXHIBIT A:



Yes, I filmed that by hold a camera between my chin and my chest- I have mad skills!

Anyway. My point is... you should make your cookies slightly larger and look into a different kind of packaging- maybe something more recyclable- going green is all the rage these days.

Oh and another thing... which came first Grasshoppers or Girl Scout Thin Mints? 'Cuz if you guys had that idea first, you should really think about suing the asses off of those little girls- they taste exactly the same! But if the Girl Scouts were first, you should be ashamed of yourself, really, stealing from little girls? The package that I ate (that's right, I said package- but, seriously- they're small and minty, like a breath mint, so, really it's like eating a package of Breathsavers. Dipped in chocolate.)anyway... the package I ate yesterday was good and I didn't have to wait to be bothered by a little girl knocking on my door, then wait 3 months to get the over-priced box of cookies- so kudos- even if you did steal the idea.

Your friend,
Tena
P.S. vote for my BEWBS #09- Top three get prizes and I want to win some sexy undies- I've been teetering in 5th and 6th place. You can vote everyday until July 30!


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11 comments:

Annie said...

Your kids need 3 bags of cookies?!?!? LMAO! Those were some loud cookies, boobie filmer.

Under the Influence said...

Damn, that is loud!

Kori said...

Fucking elves.

Tiffany said...

Who knew your sugar tits were so helpful. And yes those cookies are fucking loud.

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

Yeah, ain't no sneaking cookies for a late night snack at your house!!

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

Wow, Keebler really should think about some new packaging. I don't have any cookies in my house so I resort to eating handfuls of old chocolate chips.

Jenni Jiggety said...

Oooh Ooooh! You Memed with me today and you didn't even know it! You and me...we're like on the same wavelength! Come link up!

Also...Mmmmm....cookies...

Jen said...

I was just going to tell you to link up to Jenni's Open letter carnival, but she beat me to it.

So, I just voted and your now in 2nd place--wooohoooo!!

Your video cracked me up!

Heather, aka Jake's Mommy said...

Hilarious! I love exhibit A. They really are loud. And, I'm so glad I'm not the only mom who feels like petitioning these damn elves for some bigger cookies.

Soxy Deb said...

Tears running down my face!! Effing shit with the Exhibit A. Could you have made more noise!?!? You would never do on a STEALTH mission! Seriously! Snorting and laughing so hard at you. Your a frickin hot mess. I can't stop laughing. Now the nose is running.

*crinkle crackle crackle*
TOO FUNNY!!

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

Yeah for sure you would get caught sneaking them bad boys. Way too loud packaging. Always the enabler though you should immediately empty them into Tupperware or cookie jar so you can sneak more stealth! LOL