Thursday, June 18, 2009

BlogHer Anxieties- Part One- I'm sure there will be a sequel!

For those of you not attending BlogHer, my apologies. For those of you that are jealous of me going and/or sick of me talking about it, understandably, sorry, but suck it up, or you might want to move along because this will be, yet, another...

So, you may know it has been almost 15 YEARS since I have been out of the house without my kids and/or husband (groceries, Great Clips for crappy haircuts and couple hour trips to the mall to use my free Victoria Secret Panties coupons do not count- though even those trips made alone- have been few and far between!) I figured I was due. So I have made the executive decision to go to a blogging conference (and by "conference" I totally mean girl's drunken getaway)- against my rumbling tummy and racing mind's wishes.

At first the excitement was insurmountable- images of me socializing with other bloggers that I have enjoyed for the last year with a fancy umbrella drink surgically attached to my hand, rocking a karaoke microphone with the other- I was giddy. Then I had to deal with the first reality of it... telling my husband (AKA- anxiety boy) that I was going, who would I stay with, how would I get there, what will I wear?

My husband was cool with it- 3 months ago- when he was horny. I'm sure he doesn't remember, but I'm willing to put out the night before I leave just to shut him up- I'm a whore like that.

Then, two amazingly talented heavy hitters in the blog world opened up their room to me- under the stipulation that I not be too hot- duly noted by my diet of ice cream and cookies thus far this summer and the conference date falls on my monthly which guarantees at least two huge embarrassing zits-too hot? No worries. It was the least I could do to 'let myself go' as payment for allowing me to tag along and e-mail them constantly with the most idiotic questions. I'm the little retarded girl going to her first sleep away camp- but, I will do everything in my power to NOT wet the bed- I swear!

However, Anissa has scared the shit out of me with this recent downer...

you're going to feel overwhelmed and CRAZY disappointed at the number of
times people look at your name tag and look away cause they have NO IDEA who you are...
Back to reality... no one is going to know who I am- seriously- what a bummer! It's so true! Now I'm having panic attacks about being the girl standing in the corner popping my zits!

I'll Be Hiding in a Corner
I'm thinking The Bloggess has the right idea with the"confidence wig" or hiding in a bathroom stall- whichever!

BUT NO- Screw that! I cannot let this trip be in vain! I deserve it too much. To ensure that it will not, I have decided also...
I'll Be Getting Inked
Mr. Lady and all the cool kids are doing it so why don't you? We can bleed and medicate ourselves together!

On to what to wear... Anissa in all her blogging conference wisdom suggested...

Wear comfy shoes and pack aspirin...lots and lots of aspirin

OK, I can do the aspirin, but...with all due respect and I love you's and I know my feet will be bleeding but FUCK THAT! A girl's gotta have her limits and everyone knows that comfy shoes just ain't cute... so...
I'll Be Wearing Cute Shoes

For the love of Christ, though, if you see me...


Have pity on my crazy ass and come and say "hi" to me, won't you???

Anissa and Brittany have been very patient and have offered up much wisdom- like "bring business cards and RSVP for parties"- who knew? I hope they don't mind being greeted by open mouthed kisses that reek of chocolate and fruity liqueur from this grateful, clueless, mess of a woman! Or maybe just a hug- but not too tight because Britt's boobs might be engorged and I'm considerate like that- and breastmilk stains. But if they are engorged, hopefully her shirt will become tent-like and create a place for me to hide and sneak into the Social Luxe Party (that I didn't RSVP for in time and I've heard will have awesome swag!) while she accepts her award for The Funniest Blog- if you haven't voted for her, yet- get your ass over there now and do it!


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18 comments:

Momo Fali said...

Pity you? I'm going to tackle you! And, I won't even spill my drink.

Deanna said...

Dont worry!!!! You'll be fine!!! Just relax!!!

Jen said...

I can't wait to meet you!

Under the Influence said...

15 years without a getaway? You'll be so happy to be out and about none of this other stuff will even cross your mind.

If I were going, I would hunt you down and sneak into those parties with you.

Dr Zibbs said...

As I posted on Twitter, if Blogher was closer to PA I would totally go there in drag.

The Mom Jen said...

Now i'm the one crying in the corner, I'll miss you, have fun!

Dorsey said...

I SOO wish I were going! I'd share a pitcher of drinks with you in the corner and we could hide together. hehe

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

Sounds like so much fun! Don't even worry about it...you'll get there and have such a blast that you won't want to come home!

Laurie, Mobile Mommy/Halo Secretarial said...

I suspect I'm going to be looking terrified in some corner - I know my blog is like totally unknown, but I still hope there won't be too much rudeness -we're all going to BlogHer to have some fun and get to know people, right?!!

Jenni Jiggety said...

I would know you if I were going! beg you to introduce me to Brittany.

But I am not going.

You are going to have a ball!

Jenn@ The Crazies said...

I am so jealous! I wanna go and hang with you and you can bet I would be standing in the corner with you, BUT something tells me you will be just fine... Have a great time!!

Jen said...

I would totally say hi to you if I was going.

I bet you will be so glad that you went. I'm sure it will be a blast! Can you tell how jealous I am?!!

Brittany said...

OMG GIRL! You are going to have so much fun, and you will be nervous for a mili-second, and then be all like, THIS IS THE BEST PLACE EVER!

Plus, you will be too worried about the blisters you'll have after me and Anissa drag your cute shoed ass around to every party out there, until we stumble in at 3am to rest up and do it all over again the next day!

Quirkyloon said...

Uh you're in trouble! You are too hawt!

Perhaps putting on a fake zit on the tip of your nose?

Yeah, that'll work!

I have a feeling you'll be recognized!

*smile*

Adlibby said...

Ha ha! That's exactly how I would feel if I were lucky enough to be going. Don't sweat it! These things are made for bonding. You may start out hiding in the bathroom, but by the end of the conference you will have at least five new life-long friends! Enjoy! And the anticipation is supposed to be half the fun -- blog awhile. I'll live vicariously through you. ;)

Mrs4444 said...

That Momo-She's a funny one, isn't she? I'm really glad you shared that advice you got about the number of times people will look away because they have no knowledge or care who I am. Ouch. I guess the blogging world seems small in our little "microcosm." Loved this post; you're a cutie.

HappyHourSue said...

Dude - if it weren't for you, I wouldn't have known to RSVP for the parties - I'd be sitting out on the curb sharing a 40 with a homeless guy all: "it's not really a mommy blog, I just write what pops into my head..hey are you gonna finish those Funyuns?'

Annie said...

You'll have a blast....and if it sucks, just hit Michigan Avenue and the liquor store.
Hey- email me. My computer fried and I had to get a new one and have ZERO emails!