Friday Fragments

Finally, back to a real post where I can just ramble what's on my mind- and ramble, I plan to do! What better way than with Friday Fragments...

***Mrs. 4444's has been dealing with a devastating loss this week and I wanted to mention that my thoughts and prayers are with her during this difficult time!

*** As you may know, we got back from vacation at Gulf Shores this week. I always have good intentions about recapping activities, but when it comes down to it, it bores me, my family , pictures, sunsets- YAWN... so if you are a visitor that stops by just once in a while (and reads only the top post)- I purged 4 vacation posts in the last two days- feel free to go back and catch up with me!

*** I have been 'Booed'- It's Halloween, but I don't know what the hell that means, but I'm going to go to every person I can think of and Boo you , too. I got it from Annie at Cookies (that's my new abbreviation for her because her blog title has simply gotten too long for me and my short attention span to type out and I love cookies- so BONUS! ) I have gone through and left many a comment that I was 'booing' you- some new friends that I have been stalking, some old friends, some people that probably are getting the restraining order paperwork in line, as we speak...- it was very random- I work well that way. So when I 'Boo' you , you must post this and mention that some stupid bitch (that would be me) 'booed' you so you would give her some linky love... it's really just a cheap ploy for readers (and smiles, of course!), isn't it Annie? Cause let's be honest- there's no freaking candy!!!

*** My house is being swarmed by ladybugs! It happens every year around this time and it grosses me out. Before we moved out to the Boonies, I, like the rest of the world, was brainwashed by the cute, harmless, ladybug. Our first fall in this house, I mentioned to my mom that we were having a LOT of ladybugs on our back patio. To what she replied, "Oh, our neighbors pay $50 for a case of ladybugs every year- they're great for your plants!"

Yeah, they keep the aphids away, I get it, I read The Angry Caterpillar (or which ever one of those books includes ladybugs and aphids!)! Don't let them fool you...
That is not a real ladybug... Real ladybugs do this...

Which leads to this...

(Duggar family portrait 18, 19, 20 kids- who the hell knows, anymore!)
Oh wait, that's when humans do that...

Here's ladybugs...

Oh GROSS! Right?

Ladybugs reproduce like the Duggars on Ecstasy and live right outside my back door! When we take the dog out, they come in and swarm the inside of my house. I try to pick them up and throw them out, but there are tons of them and I'm no match for those little fuckers. And did you know that they stink? And they are dumb, they constantly are banging against the windows and making a clicking sound- screw Haunted Houses, this Halloween, I am having nightmares about Ladybugs!

*** Speaking of Halloween, I am attempting to dress up like a sexy nurse. My new header inspired me- we'll see how that goes, best case scenario, I might look skanky. I will also be dressing up my dog because this is my first Halloween with a dog and I'm a dork! Certainly crappy pictures to follow from our festivities.

*** I just listened to a very funny exchange with my sister on the phone in her car as she pulled up to the McD drive thru window that she had been promising her daughter all day- (you must know...she is VERY cheap...and had been dragging her 4 year old with her all day to thrift stores in search of finishing touches for Halloween costumes)

Sister: you want a cheeseburger?

Niece: yeah.

Sister: Good, cuz chicken nuggets are too damn expensive.

(as she reads the updated menu)

Sister: What??? They are $1.29 now?

Sister: but they advertise the cheeseburger on the dollar menu!!!

McD worker: Yes, ma'am, they are $1.29 now.

Sister: Sorry (insert niece name), we are going home and eating- I will not pay $1.29 for a crappy cheeseburger for you!

My niece is freaking out, my sister is trying to weave out of a drive thru line during the lunch rush! Buck up- the accident you cause is going to put you out a little more than the .29!!!

Mind you, she would have paid $1.00, BUT THAT .29 was just asking too much!!!

A few thoughts, thank God that she didn't order anything because with the way she was complaining over that intercom her cheap skinny ass would have been getting lots o' saliva in her food!!!

Hasn't she heard that there's a recession? Prices are going up sister! Happy Hour Sue is using lint as blankets for Christ's sake!

The Bad (weather)

I drafted 'vacation' posts the day after I got home... I have one more left after this... to be honest, they are boring the shit out of me and I want to get back to writing regular posts that offend, I mean entertain, is that presumptuous? However, I refuse to waste posts that have already been drafted! So beware, I might just throw caution to the wind and start posting these ass sucking posts fast- just to get through them... so here's one more...

The weather gods were not 100% with us on our trip. Thursday and Friday were stormy yucky days- I heard they got 2 inches of rain.

On Thursday, my 9 year old (the one that is struggling in school) did waaay more homework than any child should be expected to do on vacation... what can I say, I'm a slave driver! We studied multiplication flash cards, branches of the government in Social Studies, and the Environment in Science- I could have turned on CNN and it wouldn't have been much different!

By Friday, I thought she'd had enough and I feared for my life if I grabbed another book out of her backpack, so we broke down and...

That's right, we caved and, EVEN my husband, saw High School Musical 3- Senior Year. It was 1:00 on a school day. Our party made up 10 of the 11 people in the theater... the woman in the left corner of this picture was the other- um, whatever. Happy Hour Sue has Joe Jonas and this broad, apparently, has Zac Efron- to each their own- you cougar...roooaar! Can I defend that woman for a short fleeting moment and admit I enjoy myself some High School Musical?

The Good

Ok, so you know how the drive went... that was the ugly...

But once we were there, we had a few beautiful days... here are the good...

A gorgeous view from our room...

Dragged the kids out of bed first thing in the morning because mom NEEDED her coffee to enjoy the day- look at those morning smiles!

We walked on the beach with the cranes...

Pretended we didn't have kids for a minute...

The kids entertained themselves at the beach...


As did I...

We enjoyed the sunset.

The Drive

It was a long trip. We had good times and good weather. We had bad times and bad weather. I, honest to God, don't know where to begin.

Do I begin where I am the 'Road Trip Nazi' and do not allow bathroom stops unless someone's tears begin smelling of urine? Do I begin where I am a total control freak and drove the entire 12 hours there on my own because I didn't want my husband to mess up my seat and mirror settings? Or do I tell you how once I finally gave up a little control at hour 8 on the ride home (because I knew, in good conscience that I should not be operating a vehicle with my medication) that my husband would only drive 55 in a 70 and broke my cruise control? He's lucky that my meds kicked in and I fell asleep.

Or maybe I could mention how the video entertainment system in the car is a nice concept and all ...

but only goes so far...

and that they may want to improve it by running a non-stop IV of Benadryl into the children's arms...

just a thought.

Did ya Miss me? Please lie and say you did!

So, I'm kinda doped up on Klonepin- I NEEDED it to get through the ride home. That being said, I HAD to stumble to my computer to check my 198 e-mails and read how the Mystery Blogger Event went- it has been eating away at me! So... this is kind of like drunk blogging... that should be fun...I will probably regret it in the morning, but I'm kind of used to that.

I have not downloaded any pictures from our trip yet and have not fully organized my thoughts of the good, bad and ugly moments (yes, they were all represented and yes, sometimes I organize my thoughts) that inevitably come from "family vacations"- I will save those for when I'm more coherent (with me, that's a relative term, so, let's just say, when I'm not drugged- legally, of course, they were prescribed for me!!!)

I wanted to immediately address the comments that I read and applaud everyone (Jill and Tiffany) for not abusing or twittering on my comments while I was gone- good for you! First, though, I wanted to say how much I missed everyone's blogs and comments and what a freak I must be for feeling like I missed out on all of the bloggy fun since I was laying on the white sandy beaches of the Gulf Coast- I really need to get a laptop or a life!

Few things that I have noticed... ya'll really have an apparent burning desire to have secret sex blogs- that was very insightful!



I love the comments left by the actual authors- very sneaky!



Poor Amy Bo Bamey lives in the back of the Target which reminds me of a really stupid movie called "Career Opportunities" and I think I may be the only person that ever saw it where a couple get locked in Target overnight. I always thought it would be soooo cool to live there. Much like "Where the Heart Is" where a pregnant Natalie Portman takes up residence in a Wal-Mart- I could go for that, too.



Anyhow, back to the contest... you all pretty much sucked- those of you that tried, anyway.



Jill Jill Bo Bill- you got one right and then second guessed yourself... didn't your mom ever teach you to go with your first instinct?

Tami- One right- I noticed I was tagged by her... read below...
Annie- One right
Eudea Mamia- One right
Tena- One right
Happy Hour Sue- One right
Amelia Bedelia- One right



BUT AMY BO BAMEY, the poor little girl living in the back of Target- got TWO Correct answers!!! Contact me privately so I can get your address to send you your lame ass shirt!



Here are the answers:

Sunday #1- Annie from Cookies, Chaos and Conversations
Monday #2- Mariah from the new and improved and no holds barred Manic Mariah
Tuesday #3- Eudea Mamia from Life, Liberty and the Pursuit
Wednesday #4 Jen The Mom from Cheaper Than Therapy
Thursday #5 Cheryl from The Daily Blonde
Friday #6 Jay from Halftime Lessons
Saturday #7 Will from Back to Barnwell
Sunday #8 Terri from This is How We Roll
Monday #9 I have no idea what her name is and that drives me crazy from Because I Said So

They were all so great- if you didn't get a chance to read them, go back or visit their blogs- they really came through for me and I owe them- not monetary or sexual favors, but gratitude!!!

And the winner of the embarassing vacation giveaway is Annie!!! It was so reminiscent of my drunken slutty sorority events that I couldn't resist rewarding her! And copying it for all to read...you're welcome!


I don't know if it qualifies as vacation but on my one and only camping trip in college, I was with a bunch of sorority sisters and our "dates." We were camping by a lake and had been drinking all darn day. I had only peed outside once. Once. I drank so much I could feel the runs coming. All of a sudden I sharted. Yep, farted and shit my pants. I ran into the woods, stripped off my leggings and undies, threw the undies, I thought into the woods, wiped, and left the woods.A tornado came in and we knew we had to get to cover. I was so mad that we were leaving all the tents I drummed up from my parents neighbors and was worried about having to replace them. "No time" my date said. So, I threw my shoe at him. It went over his head and into the lake. I hobbled to the car in the mud seeped ground and got completely saturated with one wet foot and mud. So, I left, pantiless and with one shoe on.Needless to say, the grand hook up I had planned with my date never happened. When we returned to the camp site the next day, the tents were in tact and I had to avert the attention of all my friends as we searched for things displaced in the woods....for up above us loomed my pretty lacy pink panties with the tell all shit stain.


Ok and as for that tag- Tami- you asked for it- seriously, the deeper I dig (I just typed 'digger I deep'- so I'm sooo going to bed after this and I apologize if this makes no sense) the more the information is really TMI!!!

1.) My birth name is Athena- Greek goddess of knowledge, wisdom and warfare- I KNOW_ fitting, right? I am, however, not Greek, my mom just liked the name, but growing up, it was just easier to lie and say I was Greek instead of a daughter a freaky hippie.
2.) I HATE onions and lie at restaurants and say that I am allergic to them so they will not put them in my food.
3.) Since Annie had the balls to share that story, I will give a little one that I've been holding back... my college roommate's step brother (I swear his name was Bubba, but he was cute!) 'hooked up". On the headboard, I had a beer and a bottle of Drakaar Noir. I would take a swig and then spray him, take a swig and then spray him! Nothing got me going like that smell! I am still teased by the people that know about this!
4.) I know when I've had too much. One night (in college) I knew I was done, but the people I was with were insisting to keep taking shots. I would pour them on the floor under the table- and pretend I was drinking them.
5.) I am double jointed
6.) I have touched Lenny Kravitz's dread locks and loved it!
7.) I used to smoke a lot of pot, but never actually bought it- is that unusual? I guess I'm just a mooch.

Monday-Mystery Guest Post #9- Last Chance

Alrighty folks, last call. I drafted this ahead of time, but I predict I am now on the road driving home, trying not to fall asleep, thanking God for Entertainment Systems in cars (or trying not to kill my kids), and probably popping the button of my pants from all of the eating I did on vacation- that's a pretty safe prediction! So, here is the last guest post... who do you think it is?

Mystery Guest Post #9

Wow, I didn’t think she’d actually pick me and I didn’t think I’d actually have to try to come up with a post worthy of Tena’s readers so we’ll just wing it and hope for the best! My apologies in advance if my post sucks out loud!

I can’t do a normal post of mine because it will surely give away my identity while I’m trying to be all mysterious and stuff, but in the interest of helping you gals in your quest to win Tena’s fabulous prize I will try to drop some hints….

You lucky lucky readers get to read one of my latest FaceCrack (there0s hint #1) stories! The FaceCrack Chronicles I will call them……

Okay, so the short and sticky version of the back story is this: I was best friends, I mean BBFF best of the best know each other inside and out she was the Godmother to (mystery blogger hint ahead) Big One. Now we must be close if she was chosen Godmother to one of my minis’ because that is no small gesture….Well about a year and a half ago my friendship with her came to a screeching halt (that story will be upcoming on MY blog soon! which I can’t insert shameless plug for here because I’m supposed to be MYSTERIOUS……..dammit) and we have not spoken since then. We were BFF’s for 20 years and we are both from the same town, knew the same people obviously and all that.

Well, I’v e been on FaceCrack for a while now and have 485 thousand friends, because isn’t it really just a contest to see who has the most “friends”?? Suddenly out of the blue I get a message that so-and-so (from my ‘Friend’ list) and exbestfriend are now Friends and this is really no big shock because we did grow up and know and hang out with the same people all our lives, but sometimes we hung in different circles but were each other’s BFF) and then 10 minutes later exbestfriend is now Friends with whatsherface (the next ‘Friend’ on my ‘Friends’ list) and 10 minutes later exbestfriend is now friends with whatchamajigger (the NEXT ‘Friend’) and 10 minutes later…you get the point...and slowly I see a pattern forming and low and behold….I realize that hooker is going down my friends list and requesting to be ‘Friends’ with each and every one of them IN ORDER, some are people she hardly ever spoke to!!

I don’t give her much thought these days but have heard rumor here and there that she’s talking shit about me and all of this out of the blue, out of nowhere, we haven’t spoken in al most 2 years…….seriously…we are 36 years old…..really?.... REALLY?......... we are gonna do this?

I’m not going to sink to her level though, she’s trying to draw me out and she’s trying to get a reaction……..so tell me dear readers, do I react? And if so how do I react? OR do I act like the civilized adult (pffffft….) that I am and not react at all?

So I’ve decided I’m using Tena since she has more readers than me (because she is SO awesome and I cannot compare to her awesomeness) OR because I’ve only been blogging for 2 months…..just kidding Tena, I’m stealing your readers……..well, not STEALING your readers…..how about BORROWING your readers and their insight on how to handle inappropriate immature behavior without letting the redneck in me surface…..

Help me......be MY Therapy today..

Hope you are having a good trip Tena......and I can't wait to see who wins the Fabulous Prize!!
Mystery Guest Post #9

(NOT)

Sunday: Mystery Guest Post #8

We can oh so relate to this one! I love blogging about blogging- so join me in sharing this guest bloggers' virginity...


ADDICTED; can anyone else relate?

So hey there blogger pals of the fabulous Tena! I am me from over there in blogland. Sorry can't tell you much more than that, Tena's only requirement for being a guest blogger is to keep ya'll in the dark about who I am so you can play a cool guessing game. You'll never guess me! Teeheehee

I'm fairly new around Tena's place, maybe five months or so and have picked up reading a few of you, also fabulous bloggers. I'll give you a few clues about myself in my post and please leave Tena and me a comment – 'cause we love comments! Also - this is my first time guest posting so please be nice….

you know, let me rephrase that last sentence- this is Tena's place, I can be raunchy and she'll appreciate it…

This post will pop my guest post cherry! Leave me a comment and let me know how it was for you!

I find myself slowly creeping toward blog addiction. Can anyone else relate? It doesn't rule my life, but if I sit down in front of my laptop at home or my desktop at work (clue 1), the first thing I want to do is check for comments, check my sitemeter, check to see if my "followers" have grown, check on my fav bloggers to see if they updated, etc. etc. etc. Is that addiction? Ok, forget slowly creeping, I'm there, I admit it.

Often, I get this gleam in my eye, or grab my camera, or make a funny noise and hubs and the kids (clue 2, 3, 4) roll their eyes and ask that question "is this going in the blog?", hands on hips, full of attitude. Sheesh, can I get a break? Can anyone else relate?

Then when it's time to post I ponder and ponder, sometimes I read others' blogs and I can glean ideas, sometimes it's something the dogs (clue 5) or kids have done. Sometimes it's something I've read or seen on line. But always something, I post nearly every day (clue 6), I just can't help it. Can anyone else relate?

Sometimes my favorite bloggers decide to go on a sabbatical or take a break or have something going on in their life that keeps them from blogging. I want to cry, I pine (yes I think that is a word) for them and an update on their daily lives. Some have excellent excuses and I should be forgiving, but often I'm just depressed that they went away. Can anyone else relate?

Personally I don't think I'll ever be able to stop blogging, it's in my blood now, it’s a part of who I am. It's my legacy. Can anyone else relate?

Well it's been nice hanging with ya'll. Hopefully after fabulous Tena gets back from her fabulous vacay, she tell you who I am so you can come over to my place and feed my addiction! Blog ya later! (clue 7)
Mystery Guest Post #8

(NOT)