Gingerbread Joy

As promised, I thought I would show you the joy that is our annual tradition of making gingerbread houses.

The day got off to a bang when I stopped for gas and sent my son into the gas station to find a few milk cartons (we use them as the base for our 'poor white trash' gingerbread houses.) When he got back in the car, I drove away BUT I WAS STILL PUMPING GAS!!! This is where I would be laughing and pointing at someone else, imagine my embarrassment!

I grabbed all four kids and went into to talk to the attendant - I NEVER GO INSIDE THE GAS STATION!!! Certain that they all were laughing at me and were well aware of what just happened, I said, "Please tell me I'm not the first person that did that and that it happens all the time!" He was very kind and and I think he recognized my nervous breakdown setting in, "no, you're not the first- it happens - he didn't say "all the time" which would have really helped. The guy that was driving the Pepsi truck that was chuckling at me from behind the freezer door, I saw you and you can suck it- it's been a hard few months- and I don't like Pepsi, so there!

Apparently there is some kind of emergency release for idiots like myself that have no business behind the wheel of a car, much less, pumping gas, during just this sort of instance. The hose just released off of the pump and flew across the lot ( with the ounce of dignity that I had left)- no breakage, no gas leak, no explosion, no damage- just my pride- and my kids that much closer to watching their mom fly off the deep end!

On to my mom's house to create more unforgettable Christmas memories... My mom was brave enough to host gingerbread tornado again this year (plus the fact that you could land an airplane in her kitchen makes it easier to work or make messes, whatever). She had everything set up so organized and nice when we got there...

That would be short- lived!

Beebs surely ate as much as she put on her house which looked like one of those houses on "What's With That House?"

You'd have to have a strong stomach to witness the "after" shots, but at least from these pictures you couldn't feel the sprinkles getting stuck to your feet, hard candy crunching and marshmallows glueing you to the floor.



After my jitters went away from my fiasco, I, too decorated one, but they all kind of looked like crap, I couldn't tell you which one I did, but we like them.
Here is where we display them...

Putting on a Happy Christmas face

We are making a huge mess and wasting 600 lbs of candy decorating gingerbread houses today- so, if I can find my camera under all of the royal icing and graham crackers, maybe you will see our masterpieces!

I have filled this out before via e-mail back when I had a life that didn't revolve around blogging. I saw it on Georgie's blog and decided to steal it since I'm not much on cheerful material right now, but I will not let it get me down, dammit! If you're dying to know, I made a confession over at Georgie's place- that's the short of it!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
Both with big bows and all coordinating colors- this year, I'm going for the country Christmas look.

2. Real tree or Artificial?
2 artificial- got sick of picking up pine needles and Yankee Candle 'Christmas Wreath' smells just as good, if not better (without the mess!)True story- when we moved out of our last house I was STILL finding pine needles wedged in the door frame- our last 'real' tree was 7 years earlier!

3. When do you put up the tree? take the tree down?
It's up- I put them up Thanksgiving weekend and it will come down Dec.26!

4. Do you like eggnog?
ick ick ick- my Step mom makes that and Wassail- It is the 1800's, right?

5. Favorite gift received as a child?
My first CD player in 1986- thought I was the shit! First CD that same day- Milli Vanilli! Still have it and am known to pull it out to jam to a little "Blame it on the Rain"- it was a great song- even if they didn't sing it!

6. Hardest person to buy for?
All adults- they always get corny crap and pretend to love it- but I am a necessity gifter. Anything an adult needs, they buy! This year my kids made pottery for them. If you have OCD or any control issues- I don't suggest this, but I'm sure they'll love it!

7. Do you have a nativity scene?
Yes, I love it -it's a Roman Fontanini- I don't have a lot, just the essentials.

Yes, Jill, the Wise Men were following the Stiletto- didn't you know?

8. Mail or email Christmas cards?
Mail, sent the day after Thanksgiving this year- a record for me!


9. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?
My Step dad's parents (who we never knew that well) bought me a red sequined tie- in their defense, it was the 80's, but I remember it was pretty bad still!

Last I checked I was never a male stripper.

10. Favorite Christmas Movie?
Elf, A Christmas Story. I also love the corny movies that come on Lifetime,Fox Family, and ABC Family each year that start with 2 beautiful, disgruntled, over-worked scrooges that live in the most picturesque snow covered towns and inevitably meet and miraculous things happen to them that make them love Christmas and so happy you want to puke! I love those!

11. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
I started late this year, for me- about 3 weeks ago!

12. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
No, but I have something that my husband gave me last year ready to go! Who's up for a white elephant giveaway? It's not crap, but I don't scrapbook and my husband is well aware of that- so he clearly put a lot of thought into that gift!

13. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
My mother in law's potato salad when she goes LIGHT on the onions.

14. Lights on the tree?
one is a pre-lit with white and one has the large LED multi-color bulbs.

15. Favorite Christmas song?
Mary Did You Know- Kenny Rogers/Wynonna
Step into Christmas- Elton John
Last Christmas- Wham!

16. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
My husband's family on Christmas Eve
My dad Christmas Eve
My mom Christmas Day

17. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's?
Dasher,Dancer,Prancer,Vixen,Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen.
(I kept that from Georgie- no way could I have named them!)

18. Angel on the tree top or a star?
Angel on one and a Santa on one

19. Open the presents Christmas eve or Christmas day?
Santa comes Christmas Eve, silly! So we open presents on Christmas morning! I have never understood when people (my husband's family) open gifts on Christmas Eve and says (to MY kids) that they are from Santa- NO- HE HASN'T COME YET- THEY ARE FROM YOU!!!

20. Most annoying thing about this time of the year?
BILLS!!!!

21. Favorite ornament theme or color?
I love the ones that my kids have made- even the crappy ones made out of paper- but the preschool that my son and daughter went to when we lived in the city, made THE BEST ORNAMENTS!!!

22. Favorite for Christmas dinner?
Turkey, Mashed potatoes, and green bean casserole

23. What do you want for Christmas this year?
unrealistically- my bills to be paid or a laptop.

I have asked for the following:

Arrested Development on DVD

Still mourning its absence!

Keurig coffee pot- they had one of these at the hospital and I secretly prayed for my husband to have a 'reaction' to the medication so I could enjoy it and it's wonderful coffee for just a little while longer


Wall mount hair dryer


Realistically, I would be happy with a comfy pair of pajamas or slippers.

AMMENDMENT-UPDATE-WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO CALL IT... this morning I peeked in at the ol' blog to see, yet another follower has bit the dust, but I ain't letting it get me down (yes, I am, but anyway...). I did want to drop in this Mission Monday info. I know, I suck at contests and rules, but I like the people that do this and I am trying my best to not mess this one up (oh, yeah, and I prematurely put my link into the Mr. Linky because I'm a freaking idiot and didn't want them to think I was just trying to get free press or something, 'cuz I'm not, I'm just a dork!)

Friday Fragments with visual aids

Friday Fragments is a name given to my everyday randomness (on Fridays) created by a woman that's got her shit together way more than me, Mrs. 44444, join us in sporadic words...


***My 9 year old daughter DESPERATELY wanted the part of Mary in the Christmas program. She has long straight brown hair and I think she didn't mind the type-casting.

She came home today, deflated that "Kate" got the part.


"Kate has very messy hair and always has a red ring around her mouth."


This may sound like an odd description, but it clicked with me right away. I was the kid with the ring around the mouth. Every winter, I would I lick my lips and they (and about an inch perimeter beyond my mouth) would become red and chapped. EVERY WINTER. Until I discovered Carmex. As an adult.

I don't know when Carmex was invented, but when I was a kid, we didn't have it and that ChapStick sucks ass and that's all we could afford, I guess!
I might as well have just rubbed a candle on my lips!

***I was looking all over for a cute pair of boots since apparently the air masses around Missouri have ignored all of the "Global Warming" hype! IT'S COLD AND SNOWY HERE!!! After much searching, I found a cute pair- BONUS- they embarrass my kids. Why, you ask? They are from Justice, a girl's (Tween) clothing store. The mortification and eye rolling when their little friends come up to me and compliment my boots- definitely worth it.

*** Damn you, Better Homes and Gardens! You post these ideas that I think I can handle and you trick me every time! I was raised by Martha Stewart, you see, well the poor version, anyway. My Grandma was a Sunday School Teacher, Girl Scout Leader and LOVED crafts. Her entire basement was warehouse of cataloged ribbon, beads, and rick rack. I have confidence in my crafting ability because that's ALL we used to do, but when a certain magazine boldly lies about where to get the materials and the prices of those materials and the degree of difficulty- well, that just not right!

For about 13 years now, I have searched for the cutest, most efficient way to display Christmas cards. Every year I've tried another crafty disaster after another and have been disappointed. This year, I saw this idea and thought it looked cute. Not that fast... check the supplies and make sure no sewing or skilled trade or $50 supply is needed.

Jute (noted that it was available at Joann's)

Straw Wreath

Sewing pins

small silver binder clips

Not so bad, I evaluated that this is a project that I could handle. I made my way to Joann's Craft store- literally at that minute because I am horribly compulsive. I looked around, but could not find "jute" (notice the jute that they use in the picture has a cute red stitching). I finally broke down and asked for directions (I'm like a man that way, not a fan of needing help), only to be told that all they have is large bolts of burlap! Plain colored burlap. So, I'm already there and my compulsion to get this thing done has turned me to be far too ambitious, so I buy 2 yards, thinking I will cut it into strips and draw the embellishment by hand- WTF was I thinking?

Next, straw wreath- nope, none- had to settle for one made out of twigs. Sewing pins? I'm not even entertaining this, I'm not sewing anything- I'll use hot glue. Small silver binder clips... they don't carry these either! I'm sorry to the guy that told me they didn't carry these because he got the brunt of my frustration when I asked why BH & G says these supplies are available at Joann's- only to look like an ass when he points out that the article states that they are available at Joann.com- oh, sorry.

So, home I go to put on my crafty hat. It was very messy, stringy burlap was everywhere! The twiggy wreath residue covered my floor. My 'embellishment' was a really messy, unstraight line of red Crayola marker down the sides. I still have not located "small silver binder clips"! On the bright side, I only burnt myself with the glue gun once and the whole project only cost about $10!

*** I still have not received my SSS gift, just sayin'.

Untitled and unrelated

So, here's where I come off looking like the asshat that I am. My raving post yesterday pissed off some people and who knew that one of the authors over at SITS (clearly the one with the strong stomach and tolerance) reads my blog? Don't I look stupid?

For the record: I still think SITS is a great concept for networking. I think that the fact that the Mr Linky went all haywire and Tiffany entered in ALL 306 of those links BY HAND- makes her a freaking saint! I would have definitely said, FUCK THAT! However, I'm sticking to my story that I feel that some of the people that leave the "canned" comments are insincere. I will shut up now.

Last night, my son played what was probably his last soccer game of his life. It was the playoffs and they lost. I stood in blizzard conditions, while snow and sleet slapped my face in 20 degree weather through a game and double overtime. And they lost.

That is NOT an ice skating rink- that is a soccer game on a football field.

Oddly enough, as uncomfortable as I was, feeling the frost bite set into my toes and fingers, it was a welcome distraction. I've made mention of some stress that we have been dealing with on the home front. It's still pretty bad and, as much as I'd like to, I cannot divulge any further information other than it has to do with protocol, the law, bureaucracy bullshit, and possibly our livelihood (what a tease, right?) I'm desperately in need of that anonymous blog right about now.

So, excuse me if I don't get around to mustering up the strength to write much- I am busy getting drunk, baking cookies, and living in denial.

Back to being me

So, surprise, surprise! I didn't win anything yesterday (beware- there is some negativity and profanity and it might get ugly and I'm kind of a sore loser)- all of that compromising of my low standards, kissing ass, and "Merry SITSmas" shit for naught!

Don't get me wrong, there are some very nice people that stopped by and that are involved over there in the SITS bath operation, however (and this is where the ugly sore loser comes in), I am a rebel (not really, but I like to pretend)- but when many of the comments left are "Merry SITSmas"- it just seems insincere... I'm just stopping by and left this carbon copy comment on yours and 400 others' blogs- I can't say something original or about your content because I think your content fucking sucks and you're a little too edgy or honest for me or I didn't read it. If I wasn't banned from the SITS bath yet, I'm sure this will really put the nail in the coffin- way to ramble, Tena!

Have I mentioned I'm not good at being fake, no? Well, I'm not. I'm not a brown noser and have never been a suck ass. Maybe a good reason why I don't fit in a lot. People don't like honesty so much. Except for these people- Blog4Reel.com- they're looking for honesty and I'm busting at the seams. Please go there and vote for me -MY THERAPY and, hey leave a comment there and let them know if you think I suck or rock- just don't say Merry SITSmas!



On to other, less negative business... I received an award... from one of my few male readers, Heinous- YEAH! It is a manly award and is it a coincidence that the award I receive with a measuring tape on it is from one of my few visitors with a penis- I don't know? But, I'm not going to nit- pick- I LOVE AWARDS! I'd even accept one with a uterus on it! I laughed so hard when I read that- I truly think one of you tech savvy folks out there NEED to create one of those!

This award is for any blog that truly ‘measures up’.
Rules
1.)Say one nice thing to a man in your life.
2.)List at least six ways that you measure success in your life (or for your blog).
3.)Assign this award to six other blogs and leave them a comment telling the blogger that you’ve assigned them this award.
4.)Link back to the blog that you received this award from.

1.) I'm not good at this one- since my husband is the reason for all of my recent stretch (he's also the reason for all of my stretch marks)... my son received, yet another 'infraction' for talking about anuses in class and was reprimanded by his orthodontist yesterday for not cleaning his teeth well enough...so anyhoo, something nice about a man in my life... DAD- you are awesome- and I couldn't ask for a better dad and grandpa for my kids!

2.) success in my blog- hmmm...Appreciative comments. Staying consistent with my posts. Writing something that I'm not ashamed of when I go back and read it. Having made friendships with people. Someday making money- doubtful, but that would definitely be a measure of success- even a couple bucks!

3.) I think you're all great and feel a sense of sympatico when I read your blogs- sorry I think that means you all may be nuts, like me. We need to stick together!

Musings of a Barefoot Foodie

Jiggety Jigg

Manic Mariah

The Daily Blonde

The Daily Mish Mash

Halftime Lessons

Merry SITS bath!

So a few months ago when SITS started- I signed up (even though, to be perfectly honest, when I see or say 'Sits', I think of the sits bath- that goofy homemade jetted 'tub' that looked more like a large tupperware bowl that you get in the hospital post labor to soak your bottom in and I never liked those.)

Anyway, I drank the Kool-Aid. I put the button on my sidebar. I mentioned it in a post. I did my best (which isn't so good at all- Sorry, Ronda) to follow the VERY confusing directions (if you're new- I SUCK at rules), but I am totally about peer pressure and everyone else was doing it, so there you go.

It was such an awesome idea and concept and way of meeting new bloggy friends! As I visited the featured bloggers, I was overwhelmed by the number of comments and getting lost in a sea of wit and perfect moms- so I laid back a bit. Then I read that there was to be no cursing and realized I was way out of my league and thought they might not want my kind hanging 'round those parts.

BUT, today they are having a contest and giving away a prize every hour AND they have a terrific GRAND PRIZE. Their Christmas spirit (and free stuff) has sucked me back in!


I am all about Christmas, but have had an eventful last few hours and trying to keep my spirits high and not become a scrooge like Sabrae! Here is a picture of my nativity for her- I like to taunt and I am trying my best to bring her to the bright- twinkling- light- Christmas Spirit side:


So as a way of escaping my stretchful (love that Jill Jill Bo Bill) reality and living in denial, I thought I would play along with the SITS gals today and watch my potty mouth!

OCD Christmas

I have an addictive-obsessive compulsive tendencies- personality. Blogging (my most recent addiction) has taken a back seat. Withdrawals from visiting all of my pretend friends have set in. Sadly, I am not much of a multi-tasker this time of year because I go overboard with all things Christmas. The shift has occurred and my annual obsession with the holidays has begun.


It actually started last week with my shopapalooza. I bought my Secret Santa Soire gift and shipped it off. In all of my excitement with the season, I didn't follow directions (seriously, have I mentioned how much I suck at following rules???) and I signed my card with my real name!!! It dawned on me just this morning that that was supposed to be the point of SECRET SANTA and I apologize profusely for being a total dork and screwing up my end of the bargain to Georgie! I SUCK! I hope the recipient wasn't too let down that I spoiled all of her fun!!! I really SUCK!

Then we had the painful trip to my husband's mom's house for Thanksgiving where I secretly enjoyed her nearly burning down the house (I know that was wrong, but it added entertainment value to a NOT entertaining day!). She used a roasting pan that was too small for the 26lb turkey that she attempted to cook. The turkey juices overflowed onto her heating element in her oven and voila- large flames and smoke- luckily they were put out quickly and caused no damage EXCEPT 2 EXTRA HOURS TILL WE ATE!!! I'll cut her some slack. It was her first Thanksgiving without her husband, who was the cook in the family and I needed the laugh (I was laughing with her not at her.)

Next, onto the drive to my mom's - Christmas music- that's all that will play in my sexy van till the day after Christmas (cuz when it's over- it's over!) At my mom's, my sister and mom and I scour the ads and make our plan of action for the next day like the psychos that we are. 4:30AM- at the doors with all the rest of the freaks that would do anything for a bargain!

At this point, you're probably wondering why does she like this holiday, again? I realize it sounds like a train wreck up to this point. This weekend I spent putting up all of my Christmas crap and it is a weekend job- no small undertaking- I rearrange furniture and everything!!!
My first tree:

The Village:

The second tree:

This crap just puts me in a good mood! My kitchen has turned into the bakery- I bake A LOT during the holidays- never throughout the rest of the year. I give cookies to EVERYONE and try every new recipe I find. The new recipes usually end up sucking and I go back to the oldies but goodies, but I still try- every year!

I have sent out my Christmas cards and have done pretty well on Christmas gifts so far. I even woke up to this yesterday morning...



Now if that does put you in the Christmas mood, I don't know what will!