Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Explanation that probably explains nothing

It's been a tough year. Not necessarily for me, but for my husband. He has been dealing with some demons and personal issues and he has made it impossible for me to live without medicating myself (I know, I made it about me again!)

I try not to divulge many things or details about him on my blog because I think it's inappropriate (and I don't want anything held against me in a court of law- yeah, at times, it's that bad. Hello? Anonymous blog???) However, I thought it was acceptable to explain my occasional silence or lack of blogging.

It has been difficult to blog semi-regularly without mentioning the thing foremost on my mind much of the time. Blogging has given me the ability to put things into perspective and try to put a positive or humorous spin on some of life's tests. It has been a great coping tool. Unfortunately, my husband doesn't have a similar outlet (he's just a tool!)

Short of pouring out some ugly words through my tears, let's just say, it's still hard and my absence usually is a sign of just not being able to put a cheerful non- implicating story to an event.

The last few weeks have brought about, yet another test in his life, and thus, mine and our family. His ability to manage stress is less than stellar- he really sucks at it! He makes mountains out of molehills, can't see the forest for the trees, and every other cliche you can think of!

I don't sugar coat things (if you haven't noticed) and my tough love way of just deal with it and get on with things... is lost on him as "cold", "naive", and simply "cruel". Therein lies the problem and much of the conflict.

I don't know that I would have made it through this year without being institutionalized if it weren't for this little haven that I have found on the intawebz. My spewing random thoughts and making friends and getting support (AND PRESENTS!!!) have kept me sane (I know that's debatable- but I haven't seen the white coats- I've been looking and expecting them, but none yet!)

So there you have it. A vague, non- detailed, inconspicuous, non-sensible peek inside the chaos that is inside my head. See why I have to keep a clean house?




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32 comments:

Soxy Deb said...

And what little I know, I know your handling it better than I would. Hang in there Tena. By whatever means you find necessary to do so.
We all have our own demons were fighting in our own ways.
We still love you.


Can you come clean my house now? The toilets really need you.

Brooks said...

my hubby doesn't deal with stress either. I was laid off work in October and I worked 4 nights a week, so now that I am home those 4 nights we are 'getting to know eachother again'. We haven't spent this much time together in almost 4 years. And men can be such babies. So just like you I have been able to lean on my 'pretend' friends and it has helped alot!
Only crappy part is that his MIL reads my blog so I have to be nice to him all the time, even when he doesn't deserve it!

Brooks said...

I am right there with Deb too. My toilets need you! Let me know if you ever need any retail therapy!

Tiffany said...

*hugs* Don't you worry. I'm gonna try my damnest to keep our box clean. If you ever need to vent any unfunny shit just let me know. I'm here for you. Box or no box.

Annie said...

I'll send more chocolate. Hugs.

Brittany said...

Purge! That's what I use my place for. I am so sorry you are dealing with this, and I could throw you a million cliches, from "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger," to that tacky little kitten poster telling you to "Hang in there."

In the end, the only thing that works for me is xanax and wine. Oh, and Arrested Development, becasue no one's life is THAT fucked up:)

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

Awwww Tena, I know you have been going through a lot but I think you have been handling it well. At least it comes across that way. I would have been a blubbering fool by now.

Hang in there girl, I hope you see some relief soon.You need another blog where you can vent and let it all out.

Eudea-Mamia said...

Oh Tena - my blog is ALWAYS open to you. Come blow off a little anonymous steam on me if you need to...

I knows words cannot help, but you're in my thoughts.

Em

georgie said...

I just want to say I heart you and give you some virtual hugs

Legal Diva said...

Aww... I think lots of us have the same demons lurking about. And I love your blog, and your variety of crazy. My husband is the most non-emotional person you will ever meet (as in potential serial killer non-emotional). In nearly 12 years I have seen him shed a tear, not even cry, just a tear.... one time. I find that really weird, and sometimes really frustrating. You hang in there. And know you aren't alone. :)

The Mom said...

Sending you a hug, I know it's probably not what you need or want, but I want you to know that despite the short time i've "known" you, you are a true light in my life.

Sounds like your husband needs a venting blog, or a therapist.

C said...

I don't know exactly what you're dealing with, but I think I understand how you feel. Sometimes, it's all too much. I think we all feel that way--sometime more often than not. I'm glad that you have a place to vent, and have found blogging to be helpful. I say it's better to be spilled across the computer screen (even is it offends someone every now and again) than held inside to make you crazy.
Hugs! ~Christy
http://www.heavyonthecaffeine.com

KimandCo said...

What can I say that the others haven't already said. Do what you need to do. And let your husband do what he needs to do. And you both focus on getting/staying healthy and happy.

And sign me up for that toilet cleaning. Everytime I sit down, my toilet screams, "TEEENA! TEEEENNNNNAAAAAA!"

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

All I gots to offer is a hug...and a glass of wine...

Travis Erwin said...

Hang in there and I truly hope things improve for you.

Linda S said...

I don't know what you are going through, but i do know what it is like to live with someone who is dealing with a whole lot of mess as in mental, psycho, personal and work stress related mess. The toll on you is insane. I'm sorry. I really am. It sucks for you and for him. Take care and we all love you and are here for you...

adlibby said...

Here... I'm passing you this virtual margarita. I'm lacking in the sympathy dept. for my hubby too. He's on anti-anxiety meds and he's a total hypochondriac and I'm so tired of it all I'm just flat out of sympathy for him.

But for you, Miss Tena, I have TONS! Hang in there and don't beat yourself up. You're awesome!

jaime said...

i've missed the blogging world and am still cursing out Verizon left and right about being MIA for almost 8 days!!!!!

I can really REALLY feel your pain as my hubby does not deal w/ stress well himself. Hang in there and always vent if you feel the need...most women can understand where you are coming from. Men are a whole diff species...no doubt.

Tiffany said...

Presents always make me feel better too.

Blogging is such an amazing outlet, and you seem to be a natural writer.

I know what you mean about not letting things get too personal, I know some people who have lashed out and later regretted it. Anonymous blogs are brilliant... I'm just too busy!!!

Wishing you lots of comfort and support.

Jenni Jiggety said...

Blogging keeps me sane too (although the opposite may SEEM to be true)!

Hang in there...

Amy said...

I'm not sure exactly what you're going through but from your description, it sounds AWFULLY familiar. I have a hubby who very much resembles what you're describing and its a constant struggle for me. I don't have anywhere or anyone to really talk about it with so I am glad you have your blog & your friends here to get it out :) Good luck!

Sabrae said...

hang in there woman!!! and know that I am always here to be the scrooge for ya! :)

Deb said...

Hey Tena,

I am so glad you have found bloggy land to be helpful. I know I am so glad I *met* you this year. We are all here for you and care about you no matter how often you post.

Hugs.

jill jill bo bill said...

You can control only you and sometimes your kids. You can't control him or the circumstances around him. Just do what is best for you and the kids and pray he helps himself. You have to get on with what is best for you. I am here for you and love you dearly.

Mariah said...

Hang in there, you don't have to be funny for us to love you. Sometimes life is NOT funny

Lee the MWOB Queen said...

Hey Tena,
It is amazing how this bloggy thing can uplift and provide comfort and an outlet - it's crazy and i guess that's why its addicting. I don't know jack about you and your man but I'm hoping you can stick together during this holiday season and to get through this tough time...thinking of you.

LuckyMe said...

I hear you. My husband tends to shut down and everyone walks on eggshells when he stresses. Truth is he supports a family of five so I can't really fault him too much.

At one point the black mood was so unrelenting, I saw it manifesting in my oldest son who was a tween. I tried to remind my husband that he is subliminally teaching his 3 sons how to deal with stress. Cursing at himself, slamming things and sulking, etc - not a great example.

I had gotten to the point where I was ready to let it go and live in a box. Thank God I didn't because he really is a great husband and father. A new job helped tremendously.

Good luck! Marriages get bumpy. Hope you all feel better soon.

Susan said...

Hey....fairly new to your blog but LOVE it. When I'm stressed, I clean. So I understand that. Life/marriage just seems to have its ups and downs. The economy and job loss all around us doesn't help either. Keep fighting to stay positive....your doing a great job!!

Dorsey said...

Oh how I'm feelin' you now! There have been countless times in the last months that if I couldn't escape to blogland, even if only to read other people's thoughts and stories, that I would have just crumbled into a swaying little ball in a corner of my house.

Hang in there gal, and yes..we're all here for you. Even if only to listen.

Dawn said...

Hi! I've seen you comment on many of my friends blogs yet I've never been to your blog until now.

Blog Frog said we are compatible because we share 10 links. Who would have thought?

Sorry to hear things are less than smooth at home right now. I know how that can totally wreck havoc on every day life.

There's absolutely NOTHING wrong with taking happy pills! LOL! :)

Deb said...

oh girl... there is nothing more aggravating (and scary, quite frankly) than a husband that doesn't cope well. i am married to one and claims i "never take his side" (okay, how juvenile is THAT?) when i try to use tough love.

things can really, really suck at times and my thoughts are with you. hang tough, my cookie!

Mrs4444 said...

It is difficult to pretend that everything is great when you wear your heart on your sleeve. I'm glad you have this outlet, too.