Friday Fragments

I'm losing it. I have way too much on my plate now and every minute I remember another appointment, lesson, practice, or bill that I need to tend to- I'm screwed! Here are my fragmented fragments... join in with your own with Mrs. 4444.

***I have had one of the busiest weeks ever! All 4 of my kids are playing some sort of ball this spring/summer- what the fuck was I smoking when I decided this was a good idea- and can I have some more of it right now?? We have practice every night except Mondays and I'm quite certain my head will explode when I have to fit games in too! My husband drives me nuts when he's off, but I am actually counting the days until he's off of nights and here to chauffeur!

*** Getting ready for the Brunch that we are hosting on Sunday for about 40 people and kind of freaking out because that's what I do. Mimosas are waiting in the wings!

***This is the last week of April and I JUST remembered last year at this time one of the parents of an 8th grader at the school came to me and prepared me for my son's eighth grade year (as I was congratulating her daughter on her 8th grade graduation...)"It's so fun and bitter sweet, but, whatever you do- just forget about the whole month of May- it is soooo busy!" So, I guess it's just going to be getting worse.

*** Gave up on the sweet little Utopian "I'm letting my hair grow out for a bob" idea I had in my head and finally got all of my hair cut off- it had made it to my shoulders which is a record for me since children. Why? I have no clue- I look ridiculous with long hair- a realization that I get to when my hair gets about to my shoulders- guess I'm a slow learner. "Franz" of Hans and Franz fame cut it. I kid you not! He was a bulking dude with a thick German accent and Calvin Klein underwear very visible from his waistline- frankly, it was distracting. He was from Prague, had very broken English and gave me the "Victoria Beckham"- that was his quote. I just think I look like a boy, but I'm too tired and stressed to care about it. He punked out the back and slicked it in front- he kept saying "I like it messy in back and flat in front"- I couldn't help thinking it was a very mullet-like concept of 'business in front and party in the back'- and in my head he was muttering "I'm going to pump- you up".

***My husband is pissy because I blame everything on him- not true- I don't blame my contraction- like cramps that vibrate down my legs on him. I don't blame him for the fact that when I went to every store in the mall, I could not find ONE thing that I liked to wear this weekend (but secretly he does sabotage me eating right.)

HOWEVER, when this mother plucking sprinkler (that weighs about 100 lbs) fell on my finger causing enormous pain and the inevitable waiting game of my, now, black and purple thumb nailing falling off, I did blame it on him because the only reason I bought the stupid John Deere midget is because he told me I couldn't get the irrigation system installed- clearly HIS fault!

And after I unloaded groceries today and my trunk was still open and he closed the garage door on my trunk- wedging the two together like some mechanical locking system and I had a nervous breakdown because all my mind could see were the bills from fixing the garage door and the damage to the back of the car - plus the fact that they were totally stuck and I NEED my car and use of my garage and I'm having people over this weekend and I really didn't want to have to tear off my garage door because when doors to attached garages are kept open- that is one of my biggest pet peeves... I totally and completely blamed it on him! The thing that pissed me off the most was he kept his cool about it the whole time... "Don't worry, not a big deal, we'll fix it." This is ONLY because HE did it... had I done this, I would have been a dumb mindless broad who needs to get her head on straight!

***Can I just say that the hole in the crotch of Spanx creeps me out!

*** Weeds are the work of the devil. I worked in my garden yesterday and it's times like these when I miss my small city yard that I used to have. I pulled so many weeds that it feels like I was put through Chinese torture and someone tried to rip off all of my fingernails. I cut back my rose bushes and I resemble a sad little girl craving attention with my goofy haircut and a cutting problem.

***Have you ever been so tired that you feel drunk?

*** My mind is racing so much that I picture thoughts in my head like a Twitter Homepage...

@tenakim- It's sad when I don't notice that the Military channel has been on my TV for 2 hours.

@tenakim- I don't want to make kids' lunches!

@tenakim- DVR has confused me so much that I have forgotten to watch Real Housewives of New York- what is the world coming to?

@tenakim- Since I am not succeeding losing weight- I'm thinking of just gaining tons to go on Biggest Loser.

@tenakim- I'm hoping this Friday Fragments didn't run too long- I have a tendency of doing that- maybe I should stop before I piss people off.